New to Stay At Home Momming :)

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Permalink Reply by Sandra Hamlett on March 3, 2008 at 4:19pm

Hi Shauna,

I've been at the SAHM gig for more than 12 years now. 12 years??? Can that be right? It alternates between wonderful and maddening.

When my daughter was a baby, I was completely spoiled. My mother would come over to help me take care of her. It was great. I had me time and the ability to run some errands without a child in tow. Then when my son was born three years later. We moved a little farther away and my mom couldn't come everyday like she used to but I appreciated having what little time I did have. Now with my two year old, I live about 2hours and change from my mother (who doesn't like to drive out of the city) and I have little me time. It's not easy. You'd think after 12 years I'd be a pro at this but each child is different (this one is much more demanding than my other two).

I'm also working on my first novel and beginning the roller coaster ride of the teen years with my overly hormonal twelve (almost 13) year old and my 11 (almost 12) year old step-daughter. I'm finding myself at this incredibly creative period of my life with little time to give my full attention to any one area. But would I give it up? Not for a moment. Despite the challenges of being a SAHM, it's what I'm meant to be doing right now in my life plus I really love being with them.

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Permalink Reply by back2backboys on March 3, 2008 at 8:59pm

It's crap that you will treasure every moment, and I'll tell you why. It is the best job ever!!!!!!!! But that doesn't mean that you are still not you. Did you need breaks at work. Were you happy that Friday was here to get a break? Well....it's still a job like any other. If face more so. Your children are far more important to you then your career was. That makes it more intense, more emotional, more gratifying, and more tireing then anything else. I always tell my cousin. Not only is this the hardest job that I've ever had, but it's the most emotional. I go to bed every night and hope and wonder and worry if I did my best today. When all is said and done and the diapers are done and the bottles are gone, you will never have a worry free night again.

Welcome to the club! The hardest part is not feeling invisible, and nobody can prepare you for the constancy of it all...the endless talking, the endless keeping them busy, the endless being present. I find the blogging is my way of leaving the house and shutting down on days that I can't leave the house!

Hang it there, enjoy what you can and do your best with the rest and forget about the rest that's left!

back2backboys

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Permalink Reply by Shauna on March 4, 2008 at 8:34am

Thanks for the encouragement! God bless you for 12 years of it! :) I know what you mean about a demanding 2 year old. I have the poster child for that title. I did decide on a two day pre-school program for her at our church next year so I think that will be a much needed break. Now, I just have to figure out how to not spend those two days cleaning my house! Have a great week and thanks for the feedback!

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Permalink Reply by Shauna on March 4, 2008 at 8:38am

Thanks for that. YOu are right - the crap will be so treasured. I document all the crap in my blog so I can have proof in the pudding for my kids in a few years. I do think about that - the fact that there will be a day that I will walk into the house and they will all be in their rooms and not want anything to do with me. Will that be more emotionally exhausting than these days? Probably! My husband and I love to sit and talk about the days that my oldest was so difficult but I am nearly in tears in dealing with my difficult two year old. That gives me hope. :) Because I know I was in tears with the 6 year old too. I know there will be a day that we will be able to sit and laugh about them all.

Have a great day!!

Shauna

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Permalink Reply by The Prophesaur on March 18, 2008 at 9:36am

Hi Shauna,
I've been at home with my 3 kids since becoming a mother, over 10 years ago! Dude, that's a long time. Honestly, the best bit of advice I have received on mothering in general, is to be sure not to view your children as interruptions to your day. They are the point, not the dishes or the errands or whatever else is on your plate. Just this small shift in mindset really makes the difference! Well, it did and does for me...=]

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Permalink Reply by Musing on March 24, 2008 at 5:56pm

Hi, Shauna,

You're not alone! I was a stay-at-home mom for about twenty years before rejoining the workforce, and I found I was a better mom, too, when I had some me time each day (if possible!). Sometimes I felt selfish but I also needed to stay sane.

Something else--I wanted to be a role model for my kids. I wanted them to see that I had my own life, my own interests, my own thoughts. It was a balancing act for sure but worth it, I think.

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Permalink Reply by Deb on April 8, 2008 at 11:08pm

Hi Shauna, I am also a sahm to 3 kids - it's tough, there's no denying that! I guess if you're asking specifically about the "joys" - well, I would say that bedtime gives me the biggest joy. But that leaves about 11 other "awake" hours in the day to find joy. LOL!

True joy as a parent is seeing your kids content and happy. There are really tough times in our house when I feel like I can't possibly be doing the best job that I can. But we get through them, and in 5 minutes we're back to laughing and playing. It's such a rollercoaster of emotions. That all said - I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Hang in there and remember that the tough times pass and you're usually left with memories of the good.

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Permalink Reply by Samantha on April 10, 2008 at 5:18am

Hi I've been a SAHM for 6 yrs now, and its definitely a rollercoaster for me. Some days I go to bed thinking this is the best job in the world and what a great job I am doing at it. Other times feelings of guilt overwhelm me; I didn't do enough today, I should've done better, I should have handled things differently. I know in my heart this is all perfectly normal, and it certainly helps to hear from other moms who are going through the same.

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Permalink Reply by Shauna on April 10, 2008 at 9:11am

Thanks to all of you who are responding to this post! It is definitely a blessing to hear from other women who are following the same road that I am or who have been down the road. Have a blessed week!

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Permalink Reply by Samantha on April 10, 2008 at 10:39am

Thanks for your tip. I tried it today and it really worked for me. I know it sounds obvious but we do tend to forget they are the point, when the dishes and laundry are like mountains and there are countless errands to run. Thank you, thank you.

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Permalink Reply by Ali on April 10, 2008 at 1:08pm

Hi Shauna!

I have been a SAHM for 5 years now--I quit working when my son turned 1. I left a job, not a career, so to be honest, it wasn't hard to walk away! It think it even helped my relationship with my husband. I mean, after all, we both had jobs but when he got home he was able to relax and when I got home I had to take care of the baby and the house. There was some resentment there on my part. I'm much happier staying at home with our 2 boys! And blogging has given me that creative outlet I need. Take care!

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Permalink Reply by Nancy on April 19, 2008 at 9:47am

Hi Shauna --
I don't think I can add much to what's been said already. ("It's crap that you'll treasure every moment" is a great line, by the way. So true.) But here's a twist: I recently went out into the work force for the first time in many years of being a SAHM. My kids are older, 17, 16, and 12, so I'm a little freer. At every place I've worked, I've found that my bosses are now young women half my age, who (bless 'em) have no clue what being "tired" or "multitasking" is. Being a stay at home mom, you are your own boss, you manage your work day, you prioritize, you handle emergencies that simply don't occur in the other working world. It takes a lot of competence. The world of work is in a way child's play compared to it, ha ha. Of course, those young women half my age are making four times my pay ... grrrr... maybe they'll leave to have babies:D

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