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When do we let them fight their own battles

My college freshman daughter is having her first major conflict with her roommate (Roommate Drama). Her roommate has relented in not getting a pet to keep in their dorm room but is now reverting to kindergarten tactics of repeating everything my daughter says to her or simply not talking with her. I'm afraid the girl is going to do something either destructive or harmful. Right now, it's a "wait and see" situation. I won't do anything unless or until the roommate gets vindictive. My question is though, when do we as parents let our children fight their own battles and when do we step?

Tags: conflict, parents, responsibility, teens

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Permalink Reply by Bad Momma on November 9, 2007 at 7:46pm

My husband and I were just having this discussion about my 10 year old son. He was involved in an incident today on the bus where he was stabbed in the leg with a pencil by a 10 year old girl. My husband wanted to inform the principal and I think he is over-reacting. My son is mature enough to speak up for himself and he wanted us to stay out of it. The only reason we knew about the incident is that my 9 year old son told my husband. We took a vote and the decision was to let it go.

Your daughter is old enough to fight her own battles. The best thing you can do is listen, offer your opinion and let your child handle the situation. This is one of the hardest challenges a parent faces.
Hang in there!

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Permalink Reply by Tara R. on November 10, 2007 at 9:53am

That's our plan right now... my daughter is capable of handling the situation herself. We won't get involved unless she asks. The situation with your son is like our own younger teen. Sometimes when Mom and Dad get involved it only makes the situation worse. I agree, let them try to work it out on their own if they can. My problem is deciphering when they need help, but won't ask.

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Permalink Reply by Naomi "Digitalfangirl" on December 6, 2007 at 11:22pm

As mothers we always want to protect our children, but the fact is your daughter is no longer a child, she is a young adult and she needs to learn how to handle conflict. She will face conflict all throughout her adult life and she has learn how to deal with various situations. Let's say the roommate did get vindictive, even then, your daughter can still handle that on her own. Just try not to stress about it and lose sleep over it. Have enough confidence in your daughter that she is capable of taking herself. Remember, if this roommate did do something stupid, I am sure your daughter would report her and that roommate would most likely be removed from the University. Don't worry......I am sure it will all work out......