Mom's of Blended Families

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Comment by Leah A. on April 4, 2011 at 5:24pm

Hi, I'm new to this community and am wanting to get my feet wet. I see the last communication above says March 24th, but I cannot find any recent communication. Maybe I am looking in the wrong place?

I have a question for other Step-moms... I am one of a 17 year old daughter. She doesn't live with us, but less than a mile away. I am also a mother of a 1 year old. It seems as though she has been a bit more involved/interested since having the baby (this would be her 3 step-sibling, but she lives with the others). Last Father's Day my husband got a text from her saying that she was "choosing" not to be with him during that day (this received the day of). This really crushed him. In the past I have not been too involved in inviting her to things, but that has started to change since she now has a step sister that I am the MOM of. Does anyone have a suggestion on how to do my best to insure my husband has BOTH of his daughters with him this Father's Day? Thanks! Leah A. http://farfromperfectmamma.blogspot.com/

Comment by connie riley on July 8, 2009 at 9:32pm

Tess- i am so sorry that you are going and have been going through this. If it helps at all my mom went through it with my older sisters and they are all rally close now that they are older and don't feel inthe middle. My prayers are with you.

Comment by Kristen on July 8, 2009 at 2:20pm

Tess--I'm so sorry. I'd like to put you on my prayer list if that's OK...you and her both. I wish I could help you somehow...but the only thing I can say (which you've probably heard before) is to love her....I had a friend with a similar situation and even through getting her heart broken and being 'burned' quite a bit she just loved the child....and that child will now come to her before the natural mother.

Comment by Tess Moody on July 8, 2009 at 12:58pm

She's always been that way-just worse the older she gets. Probably is fueled by her mom who is just concerned about how much money she can get from us. We've tried different approaches but then we find out she's lied to us about stuff and then I feel distant with her again. She really loves attention and seems to want the "bad" attention though. Anything to put her in the spotlight.She used to put a big strain on the hubby's and my relationship but now we are more on the same side now that he's finally sees what her intentions are. Would like to have a normal relationship with her but she's caused so much heck in the past that I tend to just not be around when she visits which isnt right either, but she's burned me so many times. I'm glad to see so many great relationships with step children on here-you guys are so lucky!

Comment by Kristen on July 8, 2009 at 12:42pm

aaaah. Well, the mom isn't going to help your situation. No help there. Part of it may just be that whole tween/teen thing (or has she always been this way)...and part of it hurt, anger and resentment....probably fueled by the mom. Have you tried to do something she enjoys with her lately....even if you don't enjoy it...shopping, skateboarding....whatever she's into....and really making an effort?

Comment by Tess Moody on July 8, 2009 at 12:27pm

Oh sorry- she is now 13-way old enough to know better. Her mom is into drama too and takes her to head docs all the time and racks up thier bills and then cries to my husband about it.

Comment by Kristen on July 8, 2009 at 12:14pm

Mmm...I'm so sorry. She was old enough to really understand some of what was going on....which doesn't help you any. I hear you on the drama thing...and no one needs that in their lives. How old is she now? If you don't want to answer just tell me lol...I try to help but sometimes people don't want to divulge all that info.

Comment by Tess Moody on July 8, 2009 at 11:31am

She was 5 when we got together. She never got over her mom and dad splitting up and she was jealous of my kids being able to live with her dad. She doesnt come around too much these days and when she does, its drama, drama.

Comment by Kristen on July 8, 2009 at 11:23am

Connie--EXACTLY!

Comment by Kristen on July 8, 2009 at 11:23am

Tess--how long have y'all been a family together and how old was the daughter when you got married? Sometimes that has something to do with it. My son was only 2 1/2 when my husband and I got together, I think it helped that he was still really young.

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