I have done everthing I can think of at being a nice person to my step-daughter's mom. I greet her and am polite when I see her. I will let her know stuff that my husband may not or forget. I adore their daughter, and do everything I can to be supportive. I've read all kinds of books on communicating with former spouses, being a step-mom, blended name it!

Now not only do I have to go through my step-daughters grammy (whom lives with her) but so does my husband. Just getting information from bio mom is like pulling teeth. We feel as though she doesn't want us to know what Sweet Sunshine is doing or what is going on in her life. It becomes a war, and then Sweet Sunshine feels like she is in the middle of it. Now that she is old enough to understand, she even says to us "Mommy says I cant tell you", on almost everthing. I'm stumped.

So, I put out this questions to all Step Mom's"

How have you overcome hurdles with the children's mother?

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Replies to This Discussion

I am looking forward to the responses on this one, because I might be walking into this one. Though I would hate it.. I am curious the best way to handle it.

I know this teaches me to be a better bio-mom, should it ever come up.
Support from other step mom's helped me so much! How long have you been a step-mom?
I came across a time where I thought I might be a single mom, and totally would have hated my child potentially having a step-mom... {luckily this NEVER happened}. BUT... at the time, no matter how much I would have hated her having another mother figure, I would have been civil, and thought of my child first and for most.

This is a hard one. I hope to hear from other Step-mom's and their progress they've made with the bio-mom! Any help we step-moms can get is better than none.
I have tried to be nice and now I do it in front of my step daughter because hse does not need anymore drama, but now I just don't deal with her hubby does. She has told me to back off and even though that to her means her daughters life I never will I have back off and stop speaking to her unless I have to. Then I just keep it short.
I let hubby deal with bio-mom. Basically she's nuts.
The boyfriend she had before she married hubby she called the IRS on. Caused a lot of problem for this guy all in the name of revenge. She should have been charged with making false statements or something.
When we took the kids to disney world I asked her if I could help with a packing list as I was bringing toiletries etc., she was offended. That's fine, so hubby asked her to make sure that they had a couple pairs of long pants and a few sweatshirts as Florida can be cold in January.
ha ha jokes on us, she didn't pack any. Who does she think she's hurting? um, that would be your cold kids. duh.
There isn't a whole lot you can do except continue to be cooperative and pleasant. If she doesn't want to deal with you, let your hubby do it. The most important thing you can do is to continue to help your stepdaughter through this with compassion. Someday it will pay off. Bio-mom may never like you, but don't give your stepdaughter anything to make her think that her mom is right. Hang in there.
Best of luck to you.
I agree with Angie... there is nothing I can do to my bonus kids' mother to make her like me. Just possibly time... and my bonus daughter already realizes by her moms actions... who is in the right. You just have to show your daughter by example how to treat others... she'll see. Maybe not right away... but like Angie said... hang in there.


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