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Both of us divorced... both of us have kids.  We are wedding in less then a month and I have one 4yr old boy... and he has one 14yr old girl, and 8yr boy.

 

How do we merge?  How do we stop talking about my kids... your kids. 

 

During the brief, on the beach ceremony... we have decided to make it just our family as the wedding party.  No groomsmen, maid of honor or ring bearer.  Just us... and our kids.  And at the end... there will be a sand ceremony where each of us pour a vessel of sand into one larger vase... to symbolyze us merging.

 

But it's still difficult sometimes... with discipline and rules for one child but not the others.

 

I love tips.  I started a few things here and there... which I talk about here:  http://ournextchapters.com/2010/04/29/a-hubby-and-a-bonus/

 

What are some ways you have merged your family?  For them to feel like one?

 

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What a hard question.

I have six kids
He has one

There is a rule... A) Step parent may not spank the kids of the others.

That is the only rule.

Time out, grounding, yelling, etc... that is fine.

Spanking is not. Now.. I will spank my kids but my ex has requested no one can spank his kids except us.
That's fine. I don't mind.

Our kids call each other "brother and sister". Along with other names.

My teens tease each other and everyone else. That is fine. Teasing from them, chastising and punishing from them is fine. His son is treated just like my own kid and like my own kids are.

It's a hard road.... being a single child (he was 5 when we met)... and then being thrown into a HUGE family, it took some time to adjust. Then they adjust.. it's what kids do best.

I am sure you all will blend just fine.

I find my toughest issue is... the ex-wife.
Lordy.... don't even get me started on her... :)

Good luck! Congrats on the wedding and the new beginning!!
Ohhhh... the ex. Yes... I know ALL about that.

We have a similar rule... he's a big, scare the piss-out-of-ya yeller... and i'm more the talk-it-out. So one rule is no yelling at each other's kids.

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