Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on March 3, 2010 at 1:19pm

Before I get the eye rolls from the moms, yes, my husband is a huge help, but it took quite a few years (and kids out of diapers) before he really picked up the slack. I think he realized this when he saw how hard I was working outside the home, giving up my precious SAHM status!
I have only one complaint, when he does the laundry and dries all MY clothes! Everything I own is now TIGHT or SHORT or worn-out looking! That's why it took so long for me to do laundry because I was always hanging stuff! Oh well...

Permalink Reply by Working Mama Julia on March 3, 2010 at 9:20pm

wow Suzanne! That's great. I think the day my husband became a SAHD he realized how hard and exhausting it is. so when i get home from work, he's like 'here!! take the kids!!'

and as much as I complain, i do love it!! i love my kids and love taking care of them.... i'm a mommy at heart!

Permalink Reply by Diana - Teacher Mom on March 4, 2010 at 1:26am

Well, as much as I know his intentions to help are good, he usually gets sidetracked and it's usually due to his passion for studying the stock market. It has been a year now that he's been studying it in his spare time and while I agreed to giving him downtime for that purpose over a year ago, it's starting to wear me down. My two kids are 4 and 1 (almost 2) years old and they still need a lot of individual attention, which is hard to give them when DH has locked himself up in the office. On occasion, he doesn't even eat dinner with us! And more often than that, I have to put the kids to bed (mostly) on my own, simply because he owns his own business and he sometimes has to work late at night. The sad part is that his lack of motivation in keeping up with household chores sets the tone for me, who neglects the chores almost as much as he does. In turn, our house is always in a state of chaos!

Permalink Reply by Christina on March 4, 2010 at 9:28pm

Thank for you posting this. I know exactly where you are coming from. My husband is a SAHD dad too and I feel like I walk in the door after work and get handed my son because that's what he thinks I want. Meanwhile he retreats to his computer for down time. I don't know the meaning of that word.

Hands down, this role reversal is the hardest transition yet.

Permalink Reply by Working Mama Julia on March 5, 2010 at 10:58am

wow gals, you are all so right!! I think God made us this way b/c He knew we could handle mom, work and everything else. Men certainly don't handle it as well!!

Christina, my hubs does the same thing. the computer is his time since he doesn't get out much. he tweets and chats with his friends online so i try not to take that away from him. he DOES do alot while i'm gone, so i give him that much. the role reversal is hard. does he get out much? maybe have him finding some parttime work or something would help. my husband is going to start working part time (or at least from home) soon, so that will help his self-esteem alot.

Diana, that's tough. does watching the stock market involve his job? if so, then it's hard. but maybe he can at least take a break for dinner. maybe setting a schedule would work. dinner is from 5-5:30 and doing chores is from X - Y. that might help him still do his work, but also help around the house. i know if i don't schedule chore time, it gets pushed aside (like right now!)

Permalink Reply by Diana - Teacher Mom on March 17, 2010 at 2:49pm

Thanks, Julia! I should definitely come up with a family schedule for chores and other stuff. It's about time I get that organized. Thanks for the idea!

Permalink Reply by Amy @ The Q Family on March 5, 2010 at 10:59am

My husband is currently a free agent (aka just got downside from the company so he is SAHD). I have to admit that I have a hard time adjusting to this arrangement. I don't know if it will be permanent or temporary. I know he does a lot to help out but I guess I always want him to do more. He is pretty good of doing things on the list I give him. But he wouldn't be doing it on his own if I don't tell him!

Permalink Reply by Working Mama Julia on March 5, 2010 at 11:02am

ditto to what amy said!! men need lists!!! :)

Permalink Reply by Crystal Ritchie on March 17, 2010 at 2:36pm

I wrote about this topic yesterday on my blog. Ever since my son was born, I've felt like a single mom because I'm doing the bulk of the work to take care of our child. Eventually we split up. :P

Permalink Reply by Shayna Mills on March 17, 2010 at 2:39pm

My DH is really a great help, we both work full time, same hours so we carpool and get quality time to and from work which is nice. He also goes to school full time and I run an online store during nights and weekends so I work on orders and do shows. When he's not at school he needs to study so we HAVE to help each other out to be successful at work, school, my store,and parenting or else the house and my sanity would go out the window.
He takes care of the budget and paying the bills which is huge because it causes me too much stress, he cleans up after dinner ( I cook becasue I love it) he gives the baby baths on nights he's home and I do it on the nights he's at school, he does the vacuuming and laundry and bathrooms, I do the living room, bedrooms, and kitchen. We both read and play with DD at night and we set schedules for the weekend, if he needs to study then I take DD to play, if I need to work on orders then it's his turn then we both stop at a certain hour and have family time.
It's a lot of work but if we weren't both on board and willing we couldn't do it. I'm very blessed and thankful that he realizes my store is as important as his schooling and until he graduates and makes more and I don't need to work then this is how it has to be.

Permalink Reply by Marsha on March 25, 2010 at 11:46am

I have to say that Matt does help me quite a bit with my son. He and I were separated for a while so I personally think that has something to do with it. Before the separation, he was not helpful at all. I think the whole knowing what you lost bit really did work wonders for him. He is a good dad and partner. Not perfect but neither am I.