** Half days of school are only awesome if you're a kid or a teacher. Or bat shit crazy.
** Birthdays are chock-full of calories.
** Sometimes it's better to pretend like you don't know your family.
** The front of my car is attracted to jackasses who don't drive the speed limit.
** Nothing says I love you quite like a child farting in your face.
** Rockin' good hold music does not make b…
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