** My kids find dirt faster than a junkie finds smack. ** Movie popcorn always seems like a good idea at the time. ** A jackhammer at a Metallica concert would be quieter than some of the carpools I've driven. ** Canker sores and teeth are a HORRIBLE combination. ** The a-hole who's been trying to hack into my email account should totally be thanked........with my fist. ** A dirty, random w…