Sexy curtains for my bedroom.
If my husband's swimmers miraculously survive five days and fertilize an egg while I'm out of town at his family reunion... I'll make the curtains.
If not... I'll buy them.
Either way having these babies in my bedroom come August can only help the cause.
Just because I'm pissed off I'm not pregnant yet doesn't mean I'm ungrateful for the one I already have.
It doesn't mean I don't know it'll happen in God's time.
Just because I'm annoyed at my reproductive system doesn't mean I think I'm infertile (ok, I'll admit, Google and an Oprah episode about early menopause did get me going for a minute but it's because I'm a hypochondriac, and it was only for a minute!!)
I may whine about being unsuccessful thus far but that's not to imply that I feel like I deserve it more than anyone else, or that I'm oblivious to people who have been trying for much longer.
It doesn't mean my expectations are too high (ok, wait, maybe they are a little).
Just because I want another baby SO badly doesn't mean I don't know that there's only a 20% chance of getting knocked up any given month. Even if you're jumping your husband every-other day. Go figure.
Just because I'm a little sad and disappointed, doesn't mean I'm stressing about getting pregnant.
Neither does that fact that I'm adding 40 ovulation predictor tests to my collection of pregnancy test.
Nor my recent purchase of this
It just means I'm excited, anxious, and a control freak.
... And maybe a little taboo, because people don't normally share this kind of thing on the internet when they're this early on in the process.
It means I may get sad a couple days a month (I'm allowing myself only that much... Then I'll buy something shiny, treasure my girl, and feel better again).
These are my emotions and this is my space. I'm not going to feel bad for saying how I truly feel.
Note: No one said anything to spark this post, it's just a matter of knowing what may be said as I embark on this part of my journey. Just wanted to do a little pre-disclosure.