** I'm not buying whatever Mother Nature is selling.
** My transformation from human to crocodile is nearly complete,…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 9, 2015 at 3:45pm — No Comments
** 'Tis the season to feel like a walking ATM.
** If you're a fan of torturing yourself, I highly recommend going to the mall two weekends before Christmas.…
** If my kids overflow one more toilet around here, they're getting an outhouse for Christmas.
** I could really use an…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 12, 2014 at 12:13pm — No Comments
** I'm not sure what's disappearing faster around here -- my money or our iPhone chargers.…
** It's evidently mating season for a-holes.
** If I never go to the U.S. Post Office again, it'll be too soon.
** Summer needs to just…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2014 at 12:24am — No Comments
** Next year, I really need some elves, dammit.
** My twins now have nicer phones than I do. Thanks, Santa.
** Candlelight church services with kids make…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 27, 2013 at 12:21pm — No Comments
Some of you may remember this post from a few years ago, and some of you may be reading it for the first time. Whatever the case, it was my own nucking futty spin on the classic tale of "The Night Before Christmas". If your holidays are anything like mine, you'll appreciate the recounting of a Christmas Eve that's not exactly what you might call picture-perfect.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 24, 2013 at 11:16am — No Comments
** Whoever declared the recorder a "musical" instrument was obviously deaf.
** The UPS man has left more on my porch lately than the squirrels have.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 20, 2013 at 8:00pm — No Comments
** The weatherman seems to be telling us all to go back to our warm beds until April.
** It would be AWESOME if I was the octopus my children seem to think I am.
** When you tell your husband to pick up "holiday-ish" paper plates at the grocery store, you evidently need to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2013 at 12:56pm — No Comments
I originally posted this a few years ago, but it's definitely one that I like to pull out of the vault again at holiday time. Cause it's about liquor. And who DOESN'T need a cup of cheerful something or other at this time of the year??!!
You know it's gonna be a good day when you're strolling through the wine aisle at the grocery store on a random…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 11, 2013 at 5:00pm — No Comments
** Trying to get my kids to organize their rooms is like trying to get a dog to scoop his own poop.
** I wish somebody would jump to make me dinner whenever I say I'm hungry.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 6, 2013 at 12:16pm — No Comments
Remember the good old days when your kids would be perfectly happy with the giant cardboard box their gifts came in? Give 'em some markers, and they were entertained for…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 5, 2013 at 6:00pm — No Comments
** It's not a road trip in our family unless it ends with a souvenir bag of puke.
** Thanksgiving without a nap is like Christmas without a Santa.
** You never…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 29, 2013 at 11:33am — No Comments
** It's super fun when my twins come out of their rooms after 30 seconds and claim they can't go to sleep.
** Christmas is only six weeks away -- holy crapola!…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2013 at 12:52pm — No Comments
** Complete strangers REALLY like to tell me the whole story of their lives, regardless of how horrifically TMI it might be.
** The "Mind Blowing Science Kit" is clearly an outside toy.…Continue
** When people say, "Good morning!", I'm not quite sure how they assume that it's good.
** The government REALLY needs to get over its giant temper tantrum.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 4, 2013 at 9:55pm — No Comments
You know how you had that one toy in your bedroom as a kid that kinda creeped you out once your parents turned out the lights and tucked you in for the night? Mine was a clown who I swear glared at me from his perch high up on my bookcase. (Special thanks to Poltergeist for that little childhood fear.) But now that I'm an adult (allegedly anyway), my daughter has…Continue
** Santa needs to be A LOT more organized next year.
** I may never see my son again now that Wii U is hooked up in the basement.
** Goatdog REALLY likes to open presents. Especially ones that don't belong to him.
** When it snows, everyone seems to have forgotten how to drive.
** Teepeeing the inside of your house…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 28, 2012 at 5:39pm — No Comments
** Those sneaky Mayans were totally effing with us all along. I knew it!!!!
** December is one giant money suck.
** Our Elf on the Shelf would be a lot more welcome here if he wrapped presents and actually did "elf" shit.
** Taking a shower lately is definitely a luxury.
** Living next to a house being torn…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 21, 2012 at 11:20am — No Comments
** All I want for Christmas is a personal chef. And a bigger bank account to pay for the personal chef.
** Those inflatable lawn Santas look so sad and hungover during the daytime.
** A sick kid at home makes for an incredibly unproductive week.
** I've eaten so many damn holiday cookies that you should probably start calling me…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 15, 2012 at 4:00pm — No Comments