** Trying to get my kids to organize their rooms is like trying to get a dog to scoop his own poop.
** I wish somebody would jump to make me dinner whenever I say I'm hungry.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 6, 2013 at 12:16pm — No Comments
Remember the good old days when your kids would be perfectly happy with the giant cardboard box their gifts came in? Give 'em some markers, and they were entertained for…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 5, 2013 at 6:00pm — No Comments
** It's not a road trip in our family unless it ends with a souvenir bag of puke.
** Thanksgiving without a nap is like Christmas without a Santa.
** You never…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 29, 2013 at 11:33am — No Comments
** It's super fun when my twins come out of their rooms after 30 seconds and claim they can't go to sleep.
** Christmas is only six weeks away -- holy crapola!…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2013 at 12:52pm — No Comments
** Complete strangers REALLY like to tell me the whole story of their lives, regardless of how horrifically TMI it might be.
** The "Mind Blowing Science Kit" is clearly an outside toy.…Continue
** When people say, "Good morning!", I'm not quite sure how they assume that it's good.
** The government REALLY needs to get over its giant temper tantrum.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 4, 2013 at 9:55pm — No Comments
You know how you had that one toy in your bedroom as a kid that kinda creeped you out once your parents turned out the lights and tucked you in for the night? Mine was a clown who I swear glared at me from his perch high up on my bookcase. (Special thanks to Poltergeist for that little childhood fear.) But now that I'm an adult (allegedly anyway), my daughter has…Continue
** Santa needs to be A LOT more organized next year.
** I may never see my son again now that Wii U is hooked up in the basement.
** Goatdog REALLY likes to open presents. Especially ones that don't belong to him.
** When it snows, everyone seems to have forgotten how to drive.
** Teepeeing the inside of your house…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 28, 2012 at 5:39pm — No Comments
** Those sneaky Mayans were totally effing with us all along. I knew it!!!!
** December is one giant money suck.
** Our Elf on the Shelf would be a lot more welcome here if he wrapped presents and actually did "elf" shit.
** Taking a shower lately is definitely a luxury.
** Living next to a house being torn…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 21, 2012 at 11:20am — No Comments
** All I want for Christmas is a personal chef. And a bigger bank account to pay for the personal chef.
** Those inflatable lawn Santas look so sad and hungover during the daytime.
** A sick kid at home makes for an incredibly unproductive week.
** I've eaten so many damn holiday cookies that you should probably start calling me…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 15, 2012 at 4:00pm — No Comments
Ah, it's the holiday season -- that magical time of the year when you wanna sip hot cocoa by the fire and shove people outta the way for a deal on a flat-screened t.v. Cause let's be real, y'all. December tends to turn the very best of us into giant assholes.
Every year I tell myself I'm not gonna get swept up into all the hoopla of running here, there and…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2012 at 11:52am — No Comments
** 'Tis the season to be an asshole. Apparently.
** I am not the Energizer Bunny.
** The Elf on the Shelf might very well be my nemesis.
** Anything that's lost is very likely at the bottom of my son's backpack.
** I should really write a country song cause I've got the homework blues.
** Leaving your…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 8, 2012 at 2:04pm — No Comments
As a kid, it's hard to see the big, wide world outside your own tiny bubble of existence. (Heck, it's not easy even as an adult sometimes!) That's why I've made it my mission to try to teach my kids to help out people in need. And one of my favorite holiday traditions for our family is to help fulfill the Christmas wish list of a child in need.
For the past…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:09am — No Comments
** The time change is making me think I'm late to everything. (O.k., so later than usual).
** My town has already put up its Christmas decorations. So we can now eat our Halloween candy under the mistletoe.
** After a thorough cleaning of my daughter's room, turns out there isn't a dead body in there after all.
** Once again, I have no desire to go out and get all crazy on New Year's Eve. (I'd rather do it the night BEFORE New Year's Eve.)
** Christmas cookies seriously kicked my ass this year.
** Trying to write with a house full of people is like trying to have sex with a house full of people (uh....not that I would know or…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 30, 2011 at 12:07pm — No Comments
Remember that story a few weeks ago when we lost the mother fucking Elf on the Shelf, and I was all panicked that it might be the last Christmas for believing in Santa in my household? Well, it saddens me beyond words, but I'm pretty sure the jig is up (at…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 29, 2011 at 12:13pm — No Comments
** These people are driving me nuts. And by people, I mean my family.
** Holiday shoppers are complete assholes.
** My to-do list is evidently not gonna write itself.
** It's also not going to do itself either.
** Cleaning is clearly a complete waste of my time.
** There's something pretty freaking…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 23, 2011 at 1:24pm — No Comments
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through our pad,
Every creature was stirring, being exceptionally bad.
The stockings were hung too close to the floor,
And Goatdog was eating each one that he tore.
The twins were bouncing off the walls in their…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 22, 2011 at 5:22pm — No Comments
I swear my blog pretty much writes itself with the ridiculous things that continuously happen to me. And good old Goatdog is often at the center of the craziness that provides such good writing material. Remember last week when he charged right through the glass on the front door of our house? Well, the big furry bastard actually topped that little stunt over the weekend,…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 20, 2011 at 9:22am — No Comments
** The next time my kids PROMISE me they'll stay in bed if I read just one more itty bitty chapter, I'll know they're totally full of shit.
** Screw Santa -- MOMS are the ones who need elves!!!!
** No matter how many times I return it to the basement, an Australian boomerang keeps reappearing on my kitchen…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 16, 2011 at 10:22am — No Comments