Jennifer Marshall's Blog Posts Tagged 'Christmas' (30)

Things I've Learned This Week

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** It's evidently mating season for a-holes.



** If I never go to the U.S. Post Office again, it'll be too soon.



** Summer needs to just…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2014 at 12:24am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Next year, I really need some elves, dammit.

** My twins now have nicer phones than I do.  Thanks, Santa.

** Candlelight church services with kids make…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 27, 2013 at 12:21pm — No Comments

'Twas the Nucking Futty Night Before Christmas

Some of you may remember this post from a few years ago, and some of you may be reading it for the first time.  Whatever the case, it was my own nucking futty spin on the classic tale of "The Night Before Christmas".  If your holidays are anything like mine, you'll appreciate the recounting of a Christmas Eve that's not exactly what you might call picture-perfect.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 24, 2013 at 11:16am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Whoever declared the recorder a "musical" instrument was obviously deaf.

** The UPS man has left more on my porch lately than the squirrels have.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 20, 2013 at 8:00pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** The weatherman seems to be telling us all to go back to our warm beds until April.

** It would be AWESOME if I was the octopus my children seem to think I am.

** When you tell your husband to pick up "holiday-ish" paper plates at the grocery store, you evidently need to…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2013 at 12:56pm — No Comments

HOLY Berries!!!

I originally posted this a few years ago, but it's definitely one that I like to pull out of the vault again at holiday time.  Cause it's about liquor.  And who DOESN'T need a cup of cheerful something or other at this time of the year??!!

You know it's gonna be a good day when you're strolling through the wine aisle at the grocery store on a random…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 11, 2013 at 5:00pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Trying to get my kids to organize their rooms is like trying to get a dog to scoop his own poop.

** I wish somebody would jump to make me dinner whenever I say I'm hungry.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 6, 2013 at 12:16pm — No Comments

'Tis the Season for Gazillion Dollar Wish Lists

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Remember the good old days when your kids would be perfectly happy with the giant cardboard box their gifts came in?  Give 'em some markers, and they were entertained for…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 5, 2013 at 6:00pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** It's not a road trip in our family unless it ends with a souvenir bag of puke.

** Thanksgiving without a nap is like Christmas without a Santa.

** You never…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 29, 2013 at 11:33am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** It's super fun when my twins come out of their rooms after 30 seconds and claim they can't go to sleep.

** Christmas is only six weeks away -- holy crapola!…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2013 at 12:52pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Complete strangers REALLY like to tell me the whole story of their lives, regardless of how horrifically TMI it might be.

** The "Mind Blowing Science Kit" is clearly an outside toy.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 25, 2013 at 4:23pm — 1 Comment

Things I've Learned This Week

** When people say, "Good morning!", I'm not quite sure how they assume that it's good.

** The government REALLY needs to get over its giant temper tantrum.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 4, 2013 at 9:55pm — No Comments

Freaky Furby

You know how you had that one toy in your bedroom as a kid that kinda creeped you out once your parents turned out the lights and tucked you in for the night?  Mine was a clown who I swear glared at me from his perch high up on my bookcase.  (Special thanks to Poltergeist for that little childhood fear.)  But now that I'm an adult (allegedly anyway), my daughter has…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 24, 2013 at 10:30am — 1 Comment

Things I've Learned This Week

** Santa needs to be A LOT more organized next year.

** I may never see my son again now that Wii U is hooked up in the basement.

** Goatdog REALLY likes to open presents.  Especially ones that don't belong to him.

** When it snows, everyone seems to have forgotten how to drive.

** Teepeeing the inside of your house…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 28, 2012 at 5:39pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Those sneaky Mayans were totally effing with us all along.  I knew it!!!!

** December is one giant money suck.

** Our Elf on the Shelf would be a lot more welcome here if he wrapped presents and actually did "elf" shit.

** Taking a shower lately is definitely a luxury.

** Living next to a house being torn…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 21, 2012 at 11:20am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** All I want for Christmas is a personal chef.  And a bigger bank account to pay for the personal chef.

** Those inflatable lawn Santas look so sad and hungover during the daytime.

** A sick kid at home makes for an incredibly unproductive week.

** I've eaten so many damn holiday cookies that you should probably start calling me…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 15, 2012 at 4:00pm — No Comments

Happy Holidays, A-holes!!!

Ah, it's the holiday season -- that magical time of the year when you wanna sip hot cocoa by the fire and shove people outta the way for a deal on a flat-screened t.v.  Cause let's be real, y'all.  December tends to turn the very best of us into giant assholes.

Every year I tell myself I'm not gonna get swept up into all the hoopla of running here, there and…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2012 at 11:52am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** 'Tis the season to be an asshole.  Apparently.

** I am not the Energizer Bunny.

** The Elf on the Shelf might very well be my nemesis.

** Anything that's lost is very likely at the bottom of my son's backpack.

** I should really write a country song cause I've got the homework blues.

** Leaving your…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 8, 2012 at 2:04pm — No Comments

The True Meaning of Christmas

As a kid, it's hard to see the big, wide world outside your own tiny bubble of existence.  (Heck, it's not easy even as an adult sometimes!)  That's why I've made it my mission to try to teach my kids to help out people in need.  And one of my favorite holiday traditions for our family is to help fulfill the Christmas wish list of a child in need.

For the past…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:09am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** The time change is making me think I'm late to everything.  (O.k., so later than usual).

 

** My town has already put up its Christmas decorations.  So we can now eat our Halloween candy under the mistletoe.

** After a thorough cleaning of my daughter's room, turns out there isn't a dead body in there after all.

**…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 9, 2012 at 12:29pm — 1 Comment

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