All Blog Posts Tagged 'Humor' (35)

PARENTAL ADVISORY: I AM the explicit content!

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I remember my first curse word. We were riding in the car with my parents when suddenly; my father called my brother a little bastard. It happened at a time that I was going through my repeat everything someone else says until they snap phase. "Yeah, ya little…
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Added by Lisa René LeClair on January 16, 2014 at 7:34am — 1 Comment

The Big Elf Debate

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So we're driving home the other day after picking up Isla's best friend at her grandmother's house. At some point, the girls start talking about their elves and some of the goofy things that they do at night while they're sleeping. After a few minutes, I interrupt to tell Ava about Jinxy and how she is able to give the other two TOY elves magical powers when she visits.…
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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 25, 2013 at 12:13am — No Comments

You can't regret... What you don't remember!

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One time, I got so drunk waiting on a friend that I passed out, face down, on a table in a crowded restaurant. By the time she got there, the security guards were leaning over to help me out of my chair. "No... Please don't call the police," I heard my friend say as they mumbled something about public intoxication. I remember one of them reaching down to pick up my purse,…
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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 23, 2013 at 12:44am — No Comments

It's a good thing I am NACHO mother!



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Okay, so maybe I'm not the best example of fine parenting that the world has to offer; but dammit... We sure do have a good time!



My husband went camping with his family the day after Thanksgiving, leaving me and the pip in a clean house full of food for two whole days (don't judge, I don't camp; and in my defense, Isla has been having this weird thing at night…

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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 20, 2013 at 8:08am — No Comments

Friends: A gift that keeps on giving.

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Why can't women be more like men? I mean it; men are so much easier to manage (husbands excluded). If they don't like you, they just call you a dick and walk away. If you blurt out a naughty word or tell an off color joke, they don't care; they just hit the floor laughing, while…
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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 19, 2013 at 9:46am — No Comments

It's Christmas! Time to wrestle your way up to the trough!

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My mom makes the best pumpkin pie ever. It's so good, in fact, that one year I watched my brother eat one all by himself in just one sitting. He grabbed a fork, sat down on the couch and started to shovel, just like he had in his driveway that very same morning.



I, on the other hand, am not such a lover of fine pies. My weapons of choice are the green frosted Christmas tree…
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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 17, 2013 at 6:39am — No Comments

What's that you say? A cool, low budget gift for Christmas? That's right... And you don't even have to kill a tree!

The pip and I like to play this game where we take turns drawing pictures and the other person has to guess what it is. Most of the time, the picture is that of a poorly drawn …
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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 16, 2013 at 8:56am — No Comments

Boy that Santa sure does hold a grudge! - @sassypiehole | You've been warned! http://bit.ly/1983Yi5

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Santa and I have always had sort of a love-hate relationship. I love the fact that he brings me a delightful gift each year, I hate the fact that I'm the one doing all the work. Word to the wise; if you ever DO end up on his naughty list, that's when you need…
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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 16, 2013 at 7:55am — No Comments

Gerard Butler showed up at my front door yesterday and THIS is what happened! - @sassypiehole | You've been warned! http://bit.ly/18YWjm4

I had this crazy dream last night where Gerard Butler showed up at my front door wearing nothing but a shit eatin' grin and a pair of rubber gloves. At first, I couldn't believe my eyes... But there he was, one of my numerous free…

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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 13, 2013 at 6:30am — No Comments

OMG! OMG! I just had the best corn dog of my life. I can't wait to post a picture of it on Facebook!  ~ Everyone on Facebook - @sassypiehole | You've been warned! http://bit.ly/1fmFbpE

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Unless you're a food critic for the New York Times, I really don't give a shit what you had for lunch, and I especially don't need a picture of it to prove how good it might have been. And guess what? I already know what you look like; we've been friends since high school, so please stop posting those ridicules…
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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 12, 2013 at 6:40am — No Comments

This is so stupid, you can't even call it a blog! - @sassypiehole | You've been warned! http://bit.ly/1iVZtex

Every year around this time, I get an email from my mother with a link to a video that she made forall to enjoy. It usually features her as the lead elf in a series of choreographed dance moves that joyfully bob and weave in perfect sync with the most obnoxious holiday music you've…

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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 11, 2013 at 6:30am — No Comments

If the magazines can do it, why can't we? Photoshop THIS, Faux Weekly!

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When I was younger, I wanted to be a model. I even went so far as to attend one of those multi-tiered marketing programs that handed out hollow promises of fame and fortune for the low, low price of $500 a head shot. Like most women, I've had my share of ups and downs in the beauty…
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Added by Lisa René LeClair on December 4, 2013 at 7:14am — No Comments

Talk to the fist, 'cause the hand won't listen!

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The other day, when I asked my six-year-old to go brush her teeth, she told me to, talk to her fist! 



Every day is a new opportunity for her to wield her impetuous powers... And wield she does. From the time she calls room service to…

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Added by Lisa René LeClair on November 30, 2013 at 12:07am — 2 Comments

10 Things I Can't Do When I'm Pregnant

As I was pacing up and down the halls at work today, all of a sudden it hit me. I HAD to pee. Like now. And then once I made it to the bathroom, I thought, gosh, I can't wait until I can pee on my own schedule again. Which got me to thinking, what else will I be able to do again once the baby is born? Of course holding my baby and snuggling with my baby is on the list, but that's so cliche. Let's be serious now. So, in no particular order, I've come up with…

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Added by Sadie on March 27, 2013 at 10:51am — No Comments

Batter Up!

Love my boys. Love em to death and I will gladly make mud pies and participate in worm eating contests but I'm just not the sporty type of mom.

I love sports don't get me wrong. I'm one of the biggest Texas Longhorns football fans you'll ever meet (Hook em horns!) but I'm more of a spectator than anything else.

So when my baby bear begged me to go out and play baseball with him this afternoon, I reluctantly dragged myself up off the couch and out to the front yard to throw the…

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Added by Dysfunction Junction on February 18, 2013 at 11:21am — No Comments

A Shirt

Every day kids learn something new.



With toddlers its a constant stream

of new words.



Car.

Dog.

Shoe.

Milk.

No.

Yea.

Um.



Yuck.

Hat.

Eat.

Shirt.



Shirt. Simple enough. For you and me.





I say to him, "lets get your shirt on."



He says, "a shit

on."



I say, "put a shirt on."



He says, "aw shit."



I say,

"Honey, a shirt. To cover your tummy and protect it from the…

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Added by Sarah Baker on July 23, 2012 at 9:53pm — No Comments

Things I Can Do Without.

TUESDAY, MAY 15, 2012

Things Jen Can Do Without.



  • Olives.  All…
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Added by Jennifer L. Benson on May 15, 2012 at 10:27am — No Comments

The Dos & Don'ts of the Back To School Mommy

Hello my Darling Friend... I’m always so delighted when you stop by!  Let me fill your cup with a fresh blend of, ‘Mommys Who Should Freshen Up on their Back to School Manners!’…
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Added by Caffeinated OC Mommy on September 24, 2011 at 6:26pm — No Comments

Delete the Damn Evidence!

 

Why is it that men are so stupid?  Do they not understand that leaving incriminating text messages on their phones is not a good idea?  Did they not see what happened to Tiger Woods?  I’ve had a few tearful conversations recently with girls who’ve discovered more than they wanted to, all from a text check on the hubby’s phone. 
So men, not that I’m on your side or anything, but DELETE THE DAMN EVIDENCE!  Do not trust your wives to give you privacy.  We will read your…
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Added by Andrea Beard on August 24, 2011 at 11:42am — No Comments

Which Course Includes Nuggets?

When you have children the term “dinner party” usually means burgers and hot dogs on a grill served around 5:30pm.  So when my husband informed me on Sunday that we would be attending a “dinner party” with two other couples and their children I just assumed this would be the scenario.  Turns out I was quite wrong.
Our Chef for the evening was one of my husband’s close friends who is recently divorced.  He has two children of his own but this was his ex-wife’s night with the kids…
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Added by Andrea Beard on August 4, 2011 at 3:49pm — No Comments

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