As I was pacing up and down the halls at work today, all of a sudden it hit me. I HAD to pee. Like now. And then once I made it to the bathroom, I thought, gosh, I can't wait until I can pee on my own schedule again. Which got me to thinking, what else will I be able to do again once the baby is born? Of course holding my baby and snuggling with my baby is on the list, but that's so cliche. Let's be serious now. So, in no particular order, I've come up with…
Why is it that men are so stupid? Do they not understand that leaving incriminating text messages on their phones is not a good idea? Did they not see what happened to Tiger Woods? I’ve had a few tearful conversations recently with girls who’ve discovered more than they wanted to, all from a text check on the hubby’s phone.
So men, not that I’m on your side or anything, but DELETE THE DAMN EVIDENCE! Do not trust your wives to give you privacy. We will read your…
When you have children the term “dinner party” usually means burgers and hot dogs on a grill served around 5:30pm. So when my husband informed me on Sunday that we would be attending a “dinner party” with two other couples and their children I just assumed this would be the scenario. Turns out I was quite wrong.
Our Chef for the evening was one of my husband’s close friends who is recently divorced. He has two children of his own but this was his ex-wife’s night with the kids…
I think I’m going to start a new business. I’ll call it “Off Momma Betting (OMB)”. We can wager on all sorts of things. Which kids will wind up in jail, which ones will graduate, who’s going to wind up on Jersey Shore 2020. Short odds say little boy A will marry little girl B based on how hard she walloped him.
This is a brilliant idea. I’ll run it out of the PTA closet; we all secretly gossip there anyway. I mean seriously, when presented with 500 kids and 30 parents, there’s…
The children’s books beloved by a generation of readers who are now parents are back (and better than ever) in A ValueTales Treasury! From the number 1 New York Times bestselling author Spencer Johnson, this is a collection of life stories based in values we can all believe in.
Learn more about this book here: http://bit.ly/9IjnQL and its author here:… Continue
When I was a pimply, gauche teenager, I loved reading Tiger Beat. In those days, the faces gracing the cover and every page in between was Scott Baio, Shaun Cassidy and Leif Garrett…Oh My. I was convinced that if Shaun Cassidy really had the chance to meet me, he would…
Some girlfriends and I had our annual Mommy Slumber Party at the Montage Hotel in Beverly Hills a couple of nights ago. We were having breakfast on the rooftop when we were “buzzed” by the HUGEST, 6-legged, green flying machine I’d ever seen. One friend screamed. Another bolted for cover under the hostess stand. A nearby wanna-be-C-list actor gave us the evil eye - just a bunch of “stupid mothers.”
The waiters and I chased the bug around trying to corner it. It landed on our table.… Continue
Added by Sarah Maizes on August 28, 2009 at 8:00pm —
Can someone please explain to me why boys are so obsessed with potty humor? I mean literally if I have to hear one more fart jingle I just might loose my mind. Yesterday I went to the bathroom (yes girls poop too) and found myself singing: Beans, beans, good for your heart – the more you eat the more you fart! Somebody please help me get that garbage out of my head!
I know this is probably not news to most of you, but boys find humor in the most repulsive things. It is hard being the… Continue
Brady and I took the kids to Dallas a few days ago for a “mini” vacation and to watch the Rangers play some baseball. Along the way we stopped in Fort Worth so Brady could visit with a client. Of course, taking the kids in for the client meeting was completely out of the question, so the boys and I were politely dropped off at a local “old west” museum. We actually had a great time browsing the museum – way more fun than waiting in some stuffy old office for dad to finish up with his… Continue
I have a wedding anniversary coming up and if you asked me how long I've been married I couldn't tell you. It's not that I don't care, I just don't remember. It's a numbers thing with me. Can't add, subtract or recall them in any way, shape, or form. I admit that I am numerically challenged. I rode the "special" bus with the other mathematically dim children when I was in elementary school.
I was married in a beautiful Pacific Heights mansion overlooking the San Francisco Bay. My… Continue
Added by A on June 5, 2009 at 4:55pm —
No, I'm not talking Janet-style (Miss Jackson if you're nasty) although she may have been on to something. I'm talking about how much simpler life would be if we could just nurse our babies through high school. I was reminiscing with one of my close girlfriends today about breast feeding our sweet babies and how they're growing up too quickly. It was so much easier to "parent" my girls when I was nursing them. If they fell down and got a boo-boo, couldn't sleep, were having a bad day, got a… Continue
“Go and play your video game,” says Nice Mama to her sons. “I’m going to clean your room for you today.”
“Oh cool! Thanks,” says one son, giving mama a hug, “You’re a nice Mama.”
What he doesn’t realize is that Nice Mama, is really, Mama with Ulterior Motive, in disguise. She smiles as she sends them on their merry way, 13 gallon trash bag clenched in the fist behind her back. She walks backwards down the hall, into their bedroom and bolts the… Continue
Added by Summer on July 10, 2008 at 8:48pm —