** It's really difficult to do pushups when the dog's trying to hump you.

** Mornings around here are nuttier than a jar of Jif.

** If my house could talk, I'm pretty sure it would say, "Oink!"

** Little boys' fingernails are dirtier than the floor of an Irish pub on St. Patrick's Day.

** Allergy shot are not a very…

You'd think past experience would've taught me not to trust my husband to cut my son's hair.  However, I must've had a momentary lapse in judgment over the weekend, for I allowed him to get the old clippers out once again.  Call me kooky, but I guess I figured it couldn't be THAT hard to screw up a buzz cut, could it?  (Ok, stop giggling,…

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through our pad,

Every creature was stirring, being exceptionally bad.

The stockings were hung too close to the floor,

And Goatdog was eating each one that he tore.

The twins were bouncing off the walls in their…