** Whoever sent the Polar Vortex an invitation to return is in need of a good ass kicking.
** If I wanted to live in Antarctica, I would've moved to Antarctica.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 31, 2014 at 1:38pm — No Comments
** Next year, I really need some elves, dammit.
** My twins now have nicer phones than I do. Thanks, Santa.
** Candlelight church services with kids make…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 27, 2013 at 12:21pm — No Comments
** The weatherman seems to be telling us all to go back to our warm beds until April.
** It would be AWESOME if I was the octopus my children seem to think I am.
** When you tell your husband to pick up "holiday-ish" paper plates at the grocery store, you evidently need to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2013 at 12:56pm — No Comments
** I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to myself. *itch* *scratch* *sniff*
** Erectile dysfunction commercials make me really…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 13, 2013 at 1:13pm — No Comments
** Octomom doing porn is the same as an old man doing naked jumping jacks — NOBODYwants to see that shit!!!!!
** Hearing your kids tell you that you’re beautiful is one of the greatest perks of parenting.
** Morgan Freeman…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 22, 2012 at 2:41pm — No Comments
** A lovely Valentine's morning can quickly turn to a red and pink poop storm when you're a parent.
** If the smell of your own morning breath is making you gag, you know it's time to brush those pearly whites.
** I always seem to park in the spot where some lazy jackhole has left his unreturned shopping cart.
** Cookie bouquets…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 18, 2012 at 11:53am — No Comments
** If you think they might spill it, they absolutely, most definitely will spill it.
** My blood is a molotov cocktail of Allegra, Singulair and Advil.
** It may feel like lice, but sometimes, it's just dry scalp.
** Bangin' your forehead on a granite countertop is not as exciting as it may…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 14, 2011 at 10:30am — No Comments
I'm sure most of us have given our cell phones to our kids at some point or another to entertain them (i.e. shut them the hell up) while we run errands, right? And really, the worst that can happen is that we end up with a gazillion kids' game apps or an unexpected alarm going off at 3 AM (I speak from experience, y'all). However, who woulda thunk that the REAL danger…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 4, 2011 at 1:13pm — No Comments