** Much to my surprise, the New Year's Day puker turned out to be neither my husband nor me, but rather, my daughter.
** There's just never enough sleep to go around.
** An overnight getaway would be cheaper than taking three kids to the movies.
** My son's decided to Gangnam Style his way throughout the day, all day, every…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 4, 2013 at 5:17pm — No Comments
** Those sneaky Mayans were totally effing with us all along. I knew it!!!!
** December is one giant money suck.
** Our Elf on the Shelf would be a lot more welcome here if he wrapped presents and actually did "elf" shit.
** Taking a shower lately is definitely a luxury.
** Living next to a house being torn…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 21, 2012 at 11:20am — No Comments
If I could take myself into a dark alley and kick my own ass, I totally would cause I seriously dropped the parenting ball the other night (once again). Yes, I completely failed my duty as the Tooth Fairy, y'all. Now I know that plenty of people have said that they, too, have forgotten a tooth here and there, but I swore that I would never…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 5, 2012 at 3:00pm — No Comments
As much as I loathe winter weather, there truly is something magical about the first snow of the season. Those white flakes falling gracefully from the sky always bring an unexpected peacefulness in my otherwise chaotic world. And being able to share that special moment with my kids makes it all that more memorable for me.
We got our first snowy dusting just this…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 14, 2012 at 5:00pm — No Comments
** The clothes get a whole lot cleaner when you actually push the START button on the washing machine.
** If I had a dollar for every time my house is quiet, I still wouldn't have any money in my wallet.
** Sometimes being responsible is such a pain in my irresponsible ass.
** Adult-sized bodies do NOT fit in…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 14, 2012 at 3:00pm — No Comments
** I really need to fertilize my money tree cause damn, life is expensive right now.
** My kids purposely slow down to a turtle-like pace whenever I tell them to hurry up.
** When people say, "It can't get worse than this", it almost ALWAYS does.
** Listening to crap drip out of your kitchen ceiling is not a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 17, 2012 at 11:00am — No Comments
A little over a year ago, I had a momentary lapse in judgment. Yes, I allowed my daughter to get a pet guinea pig, which was clearly not the smartest decision I ever made, considering that we have a dog who likes to eat EVERYTHING under the sun. Miraculously, though, the pig and the pooch have somehow managed to co-exist relatively peacefully up until now. That…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 15, 2012 at 10:29am — No Comments
** Seeing his grandma in the buff apparently doesn't phase my son in the least.
** Hot flashes and sea sickness don't mix well with a pirate ship cruise.
** And just because it's a "pirate" cruise does not mean that Johnny Depp…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 13, 2012 at 10:08am — No Comments
I am more than grateful for the genius who came up with the idea for summer camp. Cause if my kids didn't have somewhere to go each and every day? They would surely have killed each other by now. However, as much as I like the idea…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2012 at 11:39am — No Comments
One of my absolute favorite things to do with my kids is to read to them. Since I happen to have a borderline obsession with children's books, I get absolutely giddy when they want to share in my love of literature. That's why the bedtime story is one of my most treasured times of the day -- that is, until one of my twins decides to moon me right in the freakin' middle of…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 12, 2012 at 4:47pm — No Comments
** It really helps to have your eyes open while trying to drive.
** Sparklers just make everyone happy.
** My kids were no doubt fish in a former life.
** Laughing really hard with friends is a WAY better ab workout than doing boring old sit-ups by yourself.
** Bras and underwear should be outlawed in these…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 7, 2012 at 3:48pm — No Comments
** I like electricity.
** Mondays are like a zit on your chin that won't go away.
** Politics are so freaking political.
** My kids could be drawing on their walls with Sharpies at bedtime, but as long as they stay in their rooms, I really wouldn't care.
** Nothing makes you prouder than your son yelling from the…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 11, 2012 at 11:50am — No Comments
As a parent, I'm trying REALLY hard to hold onto the whole believing in the Tooth Fairy thing for as long as is humanly possible. So when a kid's tooth falls out in this house? Well, I wanna be on top of that shit like white on rice. Unfortunately, however, I'm not always totally prepared for the curve balls that motherhood sometimes throws my…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 4, 2012 at 10:58am — No Comments
Bedtime with my twinks continues to reach an all-time low around here. Every flippin' night I threaten to sell 'em off in a 2-for-1 special at a garage sale. Cause seriously, why did I have to be the one to give birth to the sleepless wonder twins? I say it's high time I open up a can of 'Serious As A Heart Attack' and take back my nightly mother effin' me-time. So, here's the equation that I hereby propose:…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 7, 2012 at 10:55am — No Comments
** Bloating and cramping are God's way of saying, "Sucks to be you!!!"
** Giselle Bundchen needs to be introduced to the wonderful world of duct tape.
** A rotten bag of mushrooms makes your…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 10, 2012 at 10:51am — No Comments
In case you’re wondering why I look a little taller today, it’s because I’m standing on my mommy soap box. Check out Mommy DIY if you don’t want to read my statement, otherwise, read on.
I want to be a good mom, I really do, but I have no idea what I am doing! While I was pregnant I studied parenting literature, questioned other moms, and prepared myself for baby. Lately, people just tell me what to do when I’m…Continue
Added by Jennifer Stauffer on February 2, 2012 at 3:52pm — No Comments
I’m aware of the fact that I dream every night, although I usually (and thankfully) forget the specifics. The subject matter has not improved with age. When I used to suffer nightmares about showing up at school naked, I now suffer nightmares about showing up at work naked. Must say, my post-breastfeeding boobs look pretty good. I still dream about running and not getting anywhere, falling out of the sky, and being trapped in a car underwater. This might be a cry for help, but mostly I think…Continue
Added by Jennifer Stauffer on January 23, 2012 at 4:27pm — No Comments
My son doesn’t have a Jack-in-the-box. Excuse me while I pause and breathe a sigh of relief.
But what does alarm me are the toys that play music, light up, or have some other battery operated function… especially at 3 am.
If you’re a mom it’s not hard to imagine that 3 am wake-up call from your child. You hear a small sound coming from the baby monitor and hope it doesn’t become a bigger more upset sound. But the moans and groans become a cry and you accept your fate (if you…Continue
Added by Jennifer Stauffer on January 14, 2012 at 7:10pm — No Comments
Bedtime in my house is a huge, old never-ending pain in my ass. I keep hoping and praying that we'll FINALLY turn the corner where my kids realize that, holy shit, sleeping actually kinda rocks!! But, sadly, we haven't even come close to that point in our journey together. …Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2011 at 1:04pm — No Comments
Added by Samantha Kemp-Jackson on October 29, 2011 at 6:53am — No Comments