** Parting your hair on the opposite side feels like wearing your shoes on the opposite feet.
** Siri evidently hates me.
** When your boy/girl twins share a bathroom, your…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 14, 2014 at 1:58pm — No Comments
** Homework is making me wanna stick my head in the oven. On convection.
** My children are certainly not winning any awards for getting ready for bed quickly.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 8, 2013 at 2:56pm — No Comments
** I may or may not know something about the lack of Kit Kat's in our Halloween candy stash.
** Costumes should really be a part of every day.
Until you become an adult, you never really understand that your parents really WERE looking out for your best interests when you were a kid. As much as you thought they were unfair and totally out to ruin your life, they really did kinda know what they were doing (most of the time anyway).…Continue
I love to pass down to my daughter things that I used to have when I was a little girl. It's like I'm sharing a tiny piece of my history with her. For example, she has my old baby ring that she wears on a necklace, as well as some of my old baby clothes that she uses to dress up her stuffed animals. And recently, she hit the ultimate jackpot when my mom came across my old Raggedy Ann doll up in the attic. She was so excited to have…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 23, 2013 at 4:25pm — No Comments
In my house, the poop and the fan need no introduction. They are quite familiar with each other, especially when my husband is out of town. Because that's precisely the time that things tend to go very wrong. And usually, it's right at bedtime -- you know, when I've had just about all the fun I can take for one…Continue
With life constantly throwing reminders at me that my kids are, in fact, growing up (cell phones, sleepovers, bike riding to school -- EEK!), I often get swept up in the everyday craziness of just trying to keep up with it all. Half the time they don't want to talk to me, let alone listen to me, and,…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 19, 2013 at 11:05am — No Comments
** The first week of back-to-school mornings are nuttier than squirrel poop.
** Nobody appreciates bedtime more than a parent.
** Mom guilt sucker punches me…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 30, 2013 at 5:47pm — No Comments
** School REALLY needs to start. Cause my patience has left the building.
** The smell of an amusement park is a compilation of B.O., grease, and ass.
** I'm not…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 24, 2013 at 11:44am — No Comments
** The reinforcements are apparently not showing up any time soon.
** If I had a dollar for every time I've answered the "Why do I HAVE to take a shower?"…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 16, 2013 at 4:09pm — No Comments
** Mother's Day should really be Mother's Weekend.
** My brain is on MAJOR end-of-the-school-year overload.
** Warm weather just makes ya wanna eat ice…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 17, 2013 at 10:43am — No Comments
** Shamrock Shakes are 600+ calories of awesomeness.
** "Quiet" is most definitely NOT a word I'd use to describe my house.
** My son has apparently given up sleep for Lent. Lucky me.
** Sometimes when people say they don't need help, it's cause they're too overwhelmed to see that they do.
** Kids' ear…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 23, 2013 at 10:26am — No Comments
** Much to my surprise, the New Year's Day puker turned out to be neither my husband nor me, but rather, my daughter.
** There's just never enough sleep to go around.
** An overnight getaway would be cheaper than taking three kids to the movies.
** My son's decided to Gangnam Style his way throughout the day, all day, every…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 4, 2013 at 5:17pm — No Comments
** Those sneaky Mayans were totally effing with us all along. I knew it!!!!
** December is one giant money suck.
** Our Elf on the Shelf would be a lot more welcome here if he wrapped presents and actually did "elf" shit.
** Taking a shower lately is definitely a luxury.
** Living next to a house being torn…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 21, 2012 at 11:20am — No Comments
If I could take myself into a dark alley and kick my own ass, I totally would cause I seriously dropped the parenting ball the other night (once again). Yes, I completely failed my duty as the Tooth Fairy, y'all. Now I know that plenty of people have said that they, too, have forgotten a tooth here and there, but I swore that I would never…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 5, 2012 at 3:00pm — No Comments
As much as I loathe winter weather, there truly is something magical about the first snow of the season. Those white flakes falling gracefully from the sky always bring an unexpected peacefulness in my otherwise chaotic world. And being able to share that special moment with my kids makes it all that more memorable for me.
We got our first snowy dusting just this…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 14, 2012 at 5:00pm — No Comments
** The clothes get a whole lot cleaner when you actually push the START button on the washing machine.
** If I had a dollar for every time my house is quiet, I still wouldn't have any money in my wallet.
** Sometimes being responsible is such a pain in my irresponsible ass.
** Adult-sized bodies do NOT fit in…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 14, 2012 at 3:00pm — No Comments
** I really need to fertilize my money tree cause damn, life is expensive right now.
** My kids purposely slow down to a turtle-like pace whenever I tell them to hurry up.
** When people say, "It can't get worse than this", it almost ALWAYS does.
** Listening to crap drip out of your kitchen ceiling is not a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 17, 2012 at 11:00am — No Comments
A little over a year ago, I had a momentary lapse in judgment. Yes, I allowed my daughter to get a pet guinea pig, which was clearly not the smartest decision I ever made, considering that we have a dog who likes to eat EVERYTHING under the sun. Miraculously, though, the pig and the pooch have somehow managed to co-exist relatively peacefully up until now. That…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 15, 2012 at 10:29am — No Comments