** Supervising a chain gang would be more enjoyable than supervising homework.
** The world needs a whole lot more Tina Fey & Amy Poehler.
** Whoever declared the recorder a "musical" instrument was obviously deaf.
** The UPS man has left more on my porch lately than the squirrels have.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 20, 2013 at 8:00pm — No Comments
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 4, 2013 at 12:08am — No Comments
** Shoveling snow by hand should be followed by a massage. And possibly a lobotomy.
** The past several days have been like tantric sex. Minus the sex part.Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 1, 2013 at 5:30pm — No Comments
** Judging from Beyonce, Manti T'eo, and Lance Armstrong, fake things apparently happen in threes.
** The media sure knows how to beat a news story to death.
** My ass is eternally grateful for the genius who invented seat heaters.
** Women supposedly look their ugliest at 3:30 PM on Wednesdays.
** The people who…Continue
** All I want for Christmas is a personal chef. And a bigger bank account to pay for the personal chef.
** Those inflatable lawn Santas look so sad and hungover during the daytime.
** A sick kid at home makes for an incredibly unproductive week.
** I've eaten so many damn holiday cookies that you should probably start calling me…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 15, 2012 at 4:00pm — No Comments
** Once again, I have no desire to go out and get all crazy on New Year's Eve. (I'd rather do it the night BEFORE New Year's Eve.)
** Christmas cookies seriously kicked my ass this year.
** Trying to write with a house full of people is like trying to have sex with a house full of people (uh....not that I would know or…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 30, 2011 at 12:07pm — No Comments
Remember that story a few weeks ago when we lost the mother fucking Elf on the Shelf, and I was all panicked that it might be the last Christmas for believing in Santa in my household? Well, it saddens me beyond words, but I'm pretty sure the jig is up (at…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 29, 2011 at 12:13pm — No Comments