Birds do it.  Bees do it.  And God knows WE sure do it.  But unfortunately for me, it looks like I'm gonna have to talk…

** I most certainly did NOT inherit my mom's hair-braiding skills.

** Apparently, Gap Kids sells husky-sized skinny jeans.  Anybody else confused?

** Winter can kiss…

** Shoveling snow by hand should be followed by a massage.  And possibly a lobotomy.

** The past several days have been like tantric sex.  Minus the sex part.

** If I ever need a good giggle, I turn to …

** Projectile t.v. = yes!  Projectile vomit = not so much.

** I'd pretty much give my left arm for a nap.…

** I'm the only one here that seems to know that the floor is not a trash can.

** Shrinky Dinks may be the dumbest art project ever invented.

** I really don't need to know WHY there's a streak of poo on the side of the toilet.

** "Make Your Own Pizza Night" is really just my way of saying, "Fix Your Own Damn…

** The self-checkout lanes at the grocery store are no place for morons.

** Wednesday evening was evidently "Be An Asshole" night at my house.  (I didn't get the memo.)

** It's impossible NOT to smile when you see a dog hanging out a car window, beard blowing in the breeze.

** My son claims to "love being…