** The noise in my house is often so LOUD that I could walk out and nobody would even notice.
** It would be AWESOME to still get care packages every now and then like we did in college.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 28, 2014 at 1:30pm — No Comments
** Cancer is a giant, life-stealing asshole.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 10, 2014 at 5:19pm — No Comments
** Whoever declared the recorder a "musical" instrument was obviously deaf.
** The UPS man has left more on my porch lately than the squirrels have.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 20, 2013 at 8:00pm — No Comments
I originally posted this a few years ago, but it's definitely one that I like to pull out of the vault again at holiday time. Cause it's about liquor. And who DOESN'T need a cup of cheerful something or other at this time of the year??!!
You know it's gonna be a good day when you're strolling through the wine aisle at the grocery store on a random…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 11, 2013 at 5:00pm — No Comments
** It's super fun when my twins come out of their rooms after 30 seconds and claim they can't go to sleep.
** Christmas is only six weeks away -- holy crapola!…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2013 at 12:52pm — No Comments
** It's gotta be a scientific fact that kids are 10 times crazier in the summer.
** Kicking your own ass is harder than having someone else kick it for you.
** I'm not above napping in public.
** Someone needs to punch me the next time I decide that 4 weeks without summer camp is a good idea.
** Since we didn't win…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 9, 2013 at 10:21am — No Comments
** I'm not sure why people are so surprised that a guy named "Weiner" likes to show off his junk.
** Goatdog drinks water like he's bobbing for apples.
** A good…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 26, 2013 at 5:11pm — No Comments
** My kids think Santa can make ANYTHING, which means that I am totally and completely SCREWED.
** "Customer" and "service" are two words that, sadly, don't belong together anymore.
** Static electricity is a very unfortunate side effect of Winter.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 16, 2012 at 4:55pm — No Comments
** The time change is making me think I'm late to everything. (O.k., so later than usual).
** My town has already put up its Christmas decorations. So we can now eat our Halloween candy under the mistletoe.
** After a thorough cleaning of my daughter's room, turns out there isn't a dead body in there after all.
** I am a chocolate chip cookie whore.
** Sinus headaches and motherhood go together about as well as flannel pajamas go with humidity.
** Meal plans that don't include chocolate or wine are clearly not the plans for me.
** Finding a store that still sells Excedrin Migraine is like finding the pot of gold at the end of a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 20, 2012 at 6:14pm — No Comments
** The self-checkout lanes at the grocery store are no place for morons.
** Wednesday evening was evidently "Be An Asshole" night at my house. (I didn't get the memo.)
** It's impossible NOT to smile when you see a dog hanging out a car window, beard blowing in the breeze.
** My son claims to "love being…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 18, 2012 at 11:39am — No Comments
** Every time I try to be the early bird, my kids have already beaten me to the damn worm.
** The apple doesn't fall far from the tree since my son evidently also writes "notes to self".
** I'm a little obsessed with Thymes Frasier Fir line for the holidays.
**After living with a…Continue
** My ass is sure not a fan of sitting for six or more hours at a time.
** Grocery shopping on the eve of any given holiday is for masochists and crazy people.
** A giant cardboard box is the greatest toy you could give a kid.
** Comic books (ahem, "graphic novels") have completely consumed my husband.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 25, 2011 at 12:04pm — No Comments
** Nobody ever forewarns you about all the skid marks of motherhood (and I do mean that LITERALLY).
** My kids have more energy than Richard Simmons on cocaine.
** Screaming is evidently my son's new favorite hobby.
** I sure know how to waste a crapload of time.
** Sleeping with the window open totally…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 9, 2011 at 11:03am — No Comments
** Kids pick the most awesomely inopportune times to take a dump.
** Summer = an impromptu game of kick-the-can on a random Monday night.
** Goatdog is about to become a street dog.
** I wouldn't do well in that Little House on the Prairie.
** If Tuesday and Wednesday had a Facebook page, I would NOT…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 29, 2011 at 1:11pm — No Comments