** Next year, I really need some elves, dammit.
** My twins now have nicer phones than I do. Thanks, Santa.
** Candlelight church services with kids make…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 27, 2013 at 12:21pm — No Comments
** It's not a road trip in our family unless it ends with a souvenir bag of puke.
** Thanksgiving without a nap is like Christmas without a Santa.
** You never…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 29, 2013 at 11:33am — No Comments
** Those sneaky Mayans were totally effing with us all along. I knew it!!!!
** December is one giant money suck.
** Our Elf on the Shelf would be a lot more welcome here if he wrapped presents and actually did "elf" shit.
** Taking a shower lately is definitely a luxury.
** Living next to a house being torn…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 21, 2012 at 11:20am — No Comments
** All I want for Christmas is a personal chef. And a bigger bank account to pay for the personal chef.
** Those inflatable lawn Santas look so sad and hungover during the daytime.
** A sick kid at home makes for an incredibly unproductive week.
** I've eaten so many damn holiday cookies that you should probably start calling me…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 15, 2012 at 4:00pm — No Comments
Ah, it's the holiday season -- that magical time of the year when you wanna sip hot cocoa by the fire and shove people outta the way for a deal on a flat-screened t.v. Cause let's be real, y'all. December tends to turn the very best of us into giant assholes.
Every year I tell myself I'm not gonna get swept up into all the hoopla of running here, there and…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2012 at 11:52am — No Comments
** The SNL "Schweddy Balls" skit just never ever gets old.
** I'm still not a fan of LED Christmas lights.
** Candy Cane Chapstick is the bomb dot com. For real.
** The endless barrage of holiday catalogs being crammed into my mailbox has once again…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:11am — No Comments
** The world would be a lot happier if everyone ate Thanksgiving dinner in their pajamas.
** Chuck E. Cheese is totally a rat, not a mouse -- am I right or am I right?
** That stupid Taylor Swift song is never ever ever gonna get out of my damn head.
** "Benign" is truly a magical word.
** A successful…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 23, 2012 at 1:11pm — No Comments
** My kids think Santa can make ANYTHING, which means that I am totally and completely SCREWED.
** "Customer" and "service" are two words that, sadly, don't belong together anymore.
** Static electricity is a very unfortunate side effect of Winter.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 16, 2012 at 4:55pm — No Comments
The older I get, the more I realize that New Year's Eve is totally overrated. I mean, seriously, what's the point of getting all dolled up to spend a shit-ton of money to fight a bunch of annoying crowds to risk being hit by a drunk driver and to then be disappointed that the night wasn't nearly as fabulous as you'd hoped it would be? That's why my husband and I made the executive decision many moons ago to just stay home and have our own little family party to ring in the new…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 4, 2012 at 10:48am — No Comments
Remember that story a few weeks ago when we lost the mother fucking Elf on the Shelf, and I was all panicked that it might be the last Christmas for believing in Santa in my household? Well, it saddens me beyond words, but I'm pretty sure the jig is up (at…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 29, 2011 at 12:13pm — No Comments
** My ass is sure not a fan of sitting for six or more hours at a time.
** Grocery shopping on the eve of any given holiday is for masochists and crazy people.
** A giant cardboard box is the greatest toy you could give a kid.
** Comic books (ahem, "graphic novels") have completely consumed my husband.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 25, 2011 at 12:04pm — No Comments
** Duct tape and dead bolts need to become part of our nightly bedtime routine.
** Jerry Sandusky makes even the devil himself look like a saint.
** My kids evidently think the floor is a coat rack.
** That annoying…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 18, 2011 at 1:12pm — No Comments
Once again one of my very favorite holidays has passed me by faster than I could say, "Boo!" Yes, Halloween has come and gone and left me with a massive candy overdose. I seriously don't think I'll be able to look at a Twix bar the same without puking ever again (at least not until next week anyway). The festive weekend was certainly chalked full of all kinds of fun while it lasted though.
It all started with our annual adults-only costume party, which…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 2, 2011 at 12:37pm — No Comments