** If my kids overflow one more toilet around here, they're getting an outhouse for Christmas.
** I could really use an… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 12, 2014 at 12:13pm —
Some of you may remember this post from a few years ago, and some of you may be reading it for the first time. Whatever the case, it was my own nucking futty spin on the classic tale of "The Night Before Christmas". If your holidays are anything like mine, you'll appreciate the recounting of a Christmas Eve that's not exactly what you might call picture-perfect.…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 24, 2013 at 11:16am —
** Whoever declared the recorder a "musical" instrument was obviously deaf.
** The UPS man has left more on my porch lately than the squirrels have.…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 20, 2013 at 8:00pm —
** The weatherman seems to be telling us all to go back to our warm beds until April.
** It would be AWESOME if I was the octopus my children seem to think I am.
** When you tell your husband to pick up "holiday-ish" paper plates at the grocery store, you evidently need to… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2013 at 12:56pm —
I originally posted this a few years ago, but it's definitely one that I like to pull out of the vault again at holiday time. Cause it's about liquor. And who DOESN'T need a cup of cheerful something or other at this time of the year??!!
You know it's gonna be a good day when you're strolling through the wine aisle at the grocery store on a random… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 11, 2013 at 5:00pm —
** Santa needs to be A LOT more organized next year.
** I may never see my son again now that Wii U is hooked up in the basement.
** Goatdog REALLY likes to open presents. Especially ones that don't belong to him.
** When it snows, everyone seems to have forgotten how to drive.
** Teepeeing the inside of your house… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 28, 2012 at 5:39pm —
** 'Tis the season to be an asshole. Apparently.
** I am not the Energizer Bunny.
** The Elf on the Shelf might very well be my nemesis.
** Anything that's lost is very likely at the bottom of my son's backpack.
** I should really write a country song cause I've got the homework blues.
** Leaving your… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 8, 2012 at 2:04pm —
As a kid, it's hard to see the big, wide world outside your own tiny bubble of existence. (Heck, it's not easy even as an adult sometimes!) That's why I've made it my mission to try to teach my kids to help out people in need. And one of my favorite holiday traditions for our family is to help fulfill the Christmas wish list of a child in need.
For the past… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:09am —
When it comes to smashed grapes, I tend to be more of a white wine lover. But every now and then, I do love to sip some red. However, this past weekend proved to me why I should probably save it for very special occasions (like when the floor is lined with plastic).
So it was a chilly Friday evening, and my hubby and I decided to open up a…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 5, 2012 at 11:02am —
** Skinny celebrities who say they get their cardio by "chasing their kids around" are more full of shit than my backyard.
** I don't have a few new leaves to turn over -- I have a whole damn PILE.
** Victoria's Secret catalogs that arrive in the dead of January when we're all a little heftier from the holidays can suck… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 13, 2012 at 11:22am —
** Once again, I have no desire to go out and get all crazy on New Year's Eve. (I'd rather do it the night BEFORE New Year's Eve.)
** Christmas cookies seriously kicked my ass this year.
** Trying to write with a house full of people is like trying to have sex with a house full of people (uh....not that I would know or… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 30, 2011 at 12:07pm —
The other day I sent out a tweet that could quite possibly be misconstrued as naughty by nature -- I said something to the effect of "My husband's Jolly Juice is a-flowing". Now many of you may have thought that this was some sort of sexual reference (cause let's be honest, usually it is), but surprisingly, this time, it was actually a very innocent comment referring to a new cocktail recipe that I found recently and somehow persuaded my husband to whip up for our friends and… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 27, 2011 at 3:16pm —
** These people are driving me nuts. And by people, I mean my family.
** Holiday shoppers are complete assholes.
** My to-do list is evidently not gonna write itself.
** It's also not going to do itself either.
** Cleaning is clearly a complete waste of my time.
** There's something pretty freaking… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 23, 2011 at 1:24pm —
Twas the night before Christmas, when all through our pad,
Every creature was stirring, being exceptionally bad.
The stockings were hung too close to the floor,
And Goatdog was eating each one that he tore.
The twins were bouncing off the walls in their… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 22, 2011 at 5:22pm —
I swear my blog pretty much writes itself with the ridiculous things that continuously happen to me. And good old Goatdog is often at the center of the craziness that provides such good writing material. Remember last week when he charged right through the glass on the front door of our house? Well, the big furry bastard actually topped that little stunt over the weekend,… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 20, 2011 at 9:22am —
** The next time my kids PROMISE me they'll stay in bed if I read just one more itty bitty chapter, I'll know they're totally full of shit.
** Screw Santa -- MOMS are the ones who need elves!!!!
** No matter how many times I return it to the basement, an Australian boomerang keeps reappearing on my kitchen… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 16, 2011 at 10:22am —
** Skid marks can suck it.
** If you can drive five REALLY loud eight-year-old girls without wrecking the car, you can do just about anything.
** I think I'm gonna make it easier on myself and just give everyone access to my bank account this Christmas.
** Stupidity is what makes the world go round (or at least it seems… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 9, 2011 at 11:19am —
WARNING: ** Look away if you don't like an occasional f-bomb every now and then. Cause in this case? It just couldn't be helped. (Sorry, Mom and Dad....) **
Every year our "Elf on the Shelf" tradition brings me a combination of both… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 7, 2011 at 10:21am —
** Every time I try to be the early bird, my kids have already beaten me to the damn worm.
** The apple doesn't fall far from the tree since my son evidently also writes "notes to self".
** I'm a little obsessed with Thymes Frasier Fir line for the holidays.
**After living with a… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 2, 2011 at 2:22pm —
Don't ya just hate it when you go through an entire day thinking it's a day later than it actually is? This is exactly what happened to me on Tuesday of this week. I could've sworn it was the last day of November and, therefore, convinced myself that it was, indeed, time to switch into that holy-shit-mode of the holiday season trying to get everything done that needs to get… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 1, 2011 at 1:54pm —