** If I held my breath for a big Valentine's Day surprise, I'd surely end up dead.
** A pre-shower naked dance is evidently becoming a nightly ritual around here.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 14, 2014 at 10:16am — No Comments
Remember that show, "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" Well, it turns out, I'm apparently not. You see, I happen to live with two of them, and I'm reminded of that fact nearly every friggin' night when I try to help them with their homework -- I swear we never learned ANY of this stuff until high…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 12, 2014 at 2:38pm — No Comments
** Whoever sent the Polar Vortex an invitation to return is in need of a good ass kicking.
** If I wanted to live in Antarctica, I would've moved to Antarctica.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 31, 2014 at 1:38pm — No Comments
** Supervising a chain gang would be more enjoyable than supervising homework.
** The world needs a whole lot more Tina Fey & Amy Poehler.
As a parent, technology is often my worst enemy. Not only does it turn my son into a zombified video game addict half the time, but it also gives me gray hairs worrying about the prospect of someone sending a damn naked picture to one of my middle schoolers. (*Gasp!!!*) However, I'm starting to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 18, 2013 at 12:12pm — No Comments
** Homework is making me wanna stick my head in the oven. On convection.
** My children are certainly not winning any awards for getting ready for bed quickly.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 8, 2013 at 2:56pm — No Comments
** I might very well be the most unorganized person on the earth.
** Bite-sized candies can kiss (but not stick to) my ass.
** The only person who hates homework more…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 11, 2013 at 11:55am — No Comments
** When people say, "Good morning!", I'm not quite sure how they assume that it's good.
** The government REALLY needs to get over its giant temper tantrum.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 4, 2013 at 9:55pm — No Comments
** It's too bad "Dexter" didn't have an alternative ending to make up for the super sucky one they showed us last Sunday night.
** I keep waving the white flag, but…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 27, 2013 at 3:31pm — No Comments
** I could open a wig shop with all the hair in the drain.
** The cooler weather's giving me that "Holy-Crap-My-Twins-Have-No-Pants-That-Fit-Them" feeling.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 20, 2013 at 10:22am — No Comments
** I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to myself. *itch* *scratch* *sniff*
** Erectile dysfunction commercials make me really…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 13, 2013 at 1:13pm — No Comments
** Apparently, hormones, cramps, and child birth weren't enough, so we have night sweats to add to all the fun.
** Goatdog likes Mammaw so much that he wants to eat her.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 6, 2013 at 6:03pm — No Comments
** I don't know where I am or what I'm supposed to be doing.
** Insomnia wants to be my BFF.
** My kids have mentally checked out for the summer, which will make the…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 31, 2013 at 3:07pm — No Comments
** Living next door to construction is like having an earthquake as your neighbor.
** I don't know who's more excited when there's no homework -- the kids or me.
** Danica Patrick "pole position" jokes are plentiful when my husband's around.
** I'm not sure whether to feel flattered or offended that everybody seems to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 22, 2013 at 10:21am — No Comments
** 'Tis the season to be an asshole. Apparently.
** I am not the Energizer Bunny.
** The Elf on the Shelf might very well be my nemesis.
** Anything that's lost is very likely at the bottom of my son's backpack.
** I should really write a country song cause I've got the homework blues.
** Leaving your…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 8, 2012 at 2:04pm — No Comments
** The SNL "Schweddy Balls" skit just never ever gets old.
** I'm still not a fan of LED Christmas lights.
** Candy Cane Chapstick is the bomb dot com. For real.
** The endless barrage of holiday catalogs being crammed into my mailbox has once again…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:11am — No Comments
I don't know how it is in your household, but in mine, there's a WORLD of difference between when I get sick and when my husband gets sick. We're talking night and day contrast, people. You see, he turns into a 39 year-old baby when he's under the weather, whereas I must continue with life as normal, sniffles and aches, be damned!
It was just last week when my other…Continue
** The silverware thief is at it again.
** It's hard to have an adult conversation when you see your kid making armpit farts out of the corner of your eye.
** Crying over spilled milk is totally justified when it's a mere millimeter from your laptop.
** If burping is the sign of a good meal, then snoring is surely the sign of a good…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 7, 2012 at 6:30pm — No Comments
** As predicted, back-to-school has totally kicked my ass up and down and all around.
** Always trust your gut. Unless it's telling you to eat a dozen donuts.
** My daughter's wreck of a room looks like a junk store had the stomach flu.
** Goatdog is evidently a HUGE fan of the food in the pantry.
** If I had…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 5, 2012 at 12:20pm — No Comments