All Blog Posts Tagged 'humour' (43)

Falling Asleep In The Car

By Betty Briars.

1) Get Mum or Dad to strap you in the car. Always remember to make this as difficult as possible for them by arching your back, crying and being downright awkward.…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 21, 2012 at 2:42am — No Comments

I'm Still Standing

Understandably, me and Dave are utterly delighted with this latest milestone of progress. What is absolutely not in the least bit delightful about it is the fact that The Poop insists on practising her new skill in only the most specific of conditions. She will not merely stand to command like some performing monkey. The circumstances are to be just right.

She must:

a) Be placed on a slippery surface.

Ice/banana skins/wet marble/a greased baking tray/damp patio decking/a…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 20, 2012 at 5:41am — No Comments

I'm Still Standing

Understandably, me and Dave are utterly delighted with this latest milestone of progress. What is absolutely not in the least bit delightful about it is the fact that The Poop insists on practising her new skill in only the most specific of conditions. She will not merely stand to command like some performing monkey. The circumstances are to be just right.

She must:

a) Be placed on a slippery surface.

Ice/banana skins/wet marble/a greased baking tray/damp patio decking/a…

Continue

Added by My Funny Mummy on August 20, 2012 at 5:41am — No Comments

Carnal Cuisine

Mum got me to eat A MAN this week. Yep. An actual piece of a fella. I say fella, it could have been a woman - in fact, for fear of offending anyone, we'll just say I ate part of a person.

Now, I'm all for new experiences and giving things a go, yet even for an open minded, worldly wise, see-it-done-it broad such as myself, this request was a bit of a bolt from the blue.

My present diet…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 19, 2012 at 5:01pm — No Comments

Carnal Cuisine

Mum got me to eat A MAN this week. Yep. An actual piece of a fella. I say fella, it could have been a woman - in fact, for fear of offending anyone, we'll just say I ate part of a person.

Now, I'm all for new experiences and giving things a go, yet even for an open minded, worldly wise, see-it-done-it broad such as myself, this request was a bit of a bolt from the blue.

My present diet…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 19, 2012 at 5:01pm — No Comments

Indecent Proposal

Under Dave's orders, tonight's is a short post as apparently, over the last couple of weeks, due to spending my evenings updating this blog, I have been "neglecting my wifely duties"...
Full post www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on August 18, 2012 at 3:00pm — No Comments

Calpol

Seriously, properly, absolutely and completely well good.

Yesterday The Poop was a lethargic, vomit stained, tender skinned little mite, piping out poos the consistency of gravy, which absolutely did not smell like gravy. Today? A vision of shining, sparkling, smiling loveliness who has slept like a, well, dream, and has since shelled out some encouragingly sturdy stools.

Full post…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 17, 2012 at 5:36am — No Comments

Poorly Poop

We called the emergency doctor and were given a 1am appointment. Panicking, rushing and just generally being absolutely pathetic, I dressed myself in the nearest available garmentry. And while it might not be the most obvious attire in which to attend a medical centre in St Helens in the early hours of a Thursday morning, the Bermuda shorts, poncho and diving flippers combo more than demonstrated my unquestionable commitment to my daughter's well being. Dave trotted out in sportswear,…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 16, 2012 at 5:59pm — No Comments

Eating A Chip

By Betty Briars
1) Find a cafe, or if possible an incredibly overpriced themed restaurant,
and stare longingly, yet adorably, at your easily sucked in parents.
Full post www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on August 15, 2012 at 6:54pm — No Comments

Belt Up

I'm going to tell you something now.

It's something private. It's something embarrassing. It's something unexpected.

So, in essence, it is exactly the same as every other post on this blog.

Except this one is weirder.

The Poop has recently begun to wake for short periods a few times each night. After all the ground work I have put in to make her a good sleeper, this makes me L-I-V-I-D. In fact it is so vein burstingly infuriating, so hair tear-outingly galling, it is…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 1, 2012 at 8:09am — No Comments

New Shoes

Betty's first ever shoe fitting today. 

In light of my bunioned, corned, ingrowing toenailed, fungal infected feet - things will be different for The Poop. And now she is attempting a few steps when holding onto furniture, the time had come. So we took ourselves off to Clarks.

The assistant did look slightly baffled when I presented tiny Boo and requested a fitting, so I whipped out one of my gnarled trotters. Revolted and now in urgent need of…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on July 30, 2012 at 5:16am — No Comments

Do Do

Is that it, you're thinking, right? Well no, it isn't. Under that black plastic casing above the wheel there is a huuuuuge chunk of the stuff, wedged tight, the wheel occasionally shaving off slivers of it and disposing of these pieces behind the pram, with me ultimately having to stop every 100 yards to scrape the soles of my slip-ons along the top of passing kerbs. The word you're looking for is: "loser".

Full post…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on July 26, 2012 at 5:04pm — No Comments

10 Months

The Poop is ten months old today. Ten months old.

TEN MONTHS OLD.

You know what that means, don't you?

It means she is two months away from being...

O-N-E Y-E-A-R O-L-D.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!

We are soon to be the proud owners of a one year old child. That's right. Child. Not baby. Child.

HA! UTTER MADNESS.

It's a good thing, I suppose. 

I have no desperate hankering to return to sleepless nights. I am more than happy…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on July 20, 2012 at 12:45pm — No Comments

Baby Walker

When did baby walkers become so inoffensive? 

Twenty years ago when my sister was in one, they were four cheap casters attached to a thin plastic frame with a bit of a canvas seat thingy hanging down.

Even on a shag pile carpet, the laziest, most disinterested of toddlers could manage to whip up a considerable lick, careering heavily into tables, walls and sofas while snipping off the toes of those stupid enough to bare their digits to its mutational…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on July 16, 2012 at 8:21am — No Comments

March Sunshine

First session of baby massage, a pot of fruit and bottle of chilled water picnic, then a snooze in the pram as we wander the park in the gorgeous March sunshine.

How absolutely not even a little tiny bit rubbish is her life?

Click here for full…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 29, 2012 at 12:14pm — No Comments

The Park

The pressure is on for me to pull something impressive out of my parenting bag, what with us edging ever closer to Mother's Day. Of course, the fresh energy I have injected into the childcare provision I offer is in direct response to Betty's developing abilities and maturing awareness and most certainly not for the due acknowledgement of her Dad, who will be at the helm of all present buying for the forseeable.…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 15, 2012 at 4:22pm — No Comments

BabyBook

This is not a review. Of a product anyway - just of our early parenting incompetencies. Amid the sea of androgyny we purchased pre BB's arrival, we were particularly drawn to a range of Hungry Caterpillar items. I have spent the last week putting together her Baby Book, carefully selecting images which will paint the right picture of the most beautiful early days of her life (i.e. the ones that cleverly mask the confidence shattering, relentlessly exhausting,…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on February 15, 2012 at 7:53am — No Comments

A Daily Laugh



I missed yesterday for my Blog Dare *hanging head in shame*, but ready to go today!  Today’s topic is “Something you need Daily”….


Outside of the obvious being a good cup of coffee, the thing that I would say I need daily would be laughter!  Laughter is…
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Added by Jen C on January 7, 2012 at 1:16pm — No Comments

And You Thought Valentine's Day was Tricky

By Kristin Fast, Lifestyle Editor and In-House Wit-Cracker

Forget the time old idea of Mom and apple pie… today’s mother, as you surely know, is not only bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan, but also volunteering for the school carnival committee and getting to the gym 3 afternoons a week. She is a machine that can juggle separate schedules, knows your shoe size and together…

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Added by The Succulent Wife on April 29, 2011 at 12:27pm — No Comments

What businesses can learn from online dating

Scandalous right? Well not really. There are faux pas that we readily know that would be disastrous in dating... that we should apply to business too. …


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Added by laserengraver on April 21, 2011 at 12:52am — No Comments

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