** It's hard to play Dr. Kevorkian, even to a Beta fish who's dying a very slow death.
** Helping with Spanish homework when you don't speak a lick of Spanish is like trying to cook a gourmet meal when you can't even boil…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 16, 2015 at 12:04pm — No Comments
** I am totally addicted to selling crap on virtual garage sale sites.
** Finding a CLEAN gas station bathroom is like finding a unicorn.…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 10, 2014 at 1:46pm — No Comments
** My house is a revolving door of loud, screeching short people. (And I kind of love it.)
** Wearing a dress AND a bra all in one day is quite an accomplishment.…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 19, 2014 at 3:04pm — No Comments
** June somehow pulled a giant disappearing act on us.
** The more laundry I have to fold, the more I dream about becoming a nudist…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 4, 2014 at 8:04pm — No Comments
** I'm not good at getting lucky.
** Child labor is more expensive than it used to be.
** A little piece of me dies every time people "REPLY…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 7, 2014 at 4:36pm — No Comments
As a parent, we're often so used to running on autopilot that we rarely ever even stop to think about why we're doing something. We just continue to do it mindlessly, day after day after day. Take, for instance, the gazillion and one loads of never-ending laundry and the gazillion and one loads of multiplying…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 19, 2014 at 10:29am — No Comments
** If I looked like David Beckham, I'd be naked ALL the time.
** I'm a firm Belieber that Justin needs a big ol' time…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 24, 2014 at 10:21am — No Comments
** Supervising a chain gang would be more enjoyable than supervising homework.
** The world needs a whole lot more Tina Fey & Amy Poehler.
** It's not a road trip in our family unless it ends with a souvenir bag of puke.
** Thanksgiving without a nap is like Christmas without a Santa.
** You never…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 29, 2013 at 11:33am — No Comments
** Projectile t.v. = yes! Projectile vomit = not so much.
** I'd pretty much give my left arm for a nap.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 11, 2013 at 3:36pm — No Comments
** The clothes get a whole lot cleaner when you actually push the START button on the washing machine.
** If I had a dollar for every time my house is quiet, I still wouldn't have any money in my wallet.
** Sometimes being responsible is such a pain in my irresponsible ass.
** Adult-sized bodies do NOT fit in…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 14, 2012 at 3:00pm — No Comments
** I often wonder whether I live in a house with two kids or a house with two pigs.
** Driving past a lemonade stand without stopping makes me feel guilty.
** I may or may not be a sucker.
** Gravity can kiss my ass (especially since it's responsible for knocking it down in the first place).
** Parenting without a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 24, 2012 at 1:42pm — No Comments
** Apparently, it's ALWAYS my fault.
** Bollywood dancing is actually pretty darn fun.
** Dogs apparently CAN eat a whole bunch of chocolate and not die.
** Turns out that I am not Super Woman.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 27, 2012 at 3:05pm — No Comments
** If I ever turn up missing, a vineyard in Sonoma is most likely where you'll find me.
** My daughter thinks I was born in 1818. Seriously, she asked if that was my birth year. WTF?!
** Entirely too many people think they have the right of way.
** Elementary School Open House could also be referred to as Nuts on a Stick. …Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 24, 2012 at 8:09pm — No Comments
** My son likes to make his penis talk. (Don't ask.)
** The entire household turns into assholes when my husband goes out of town.
** My kids wait to take a dump until it's time to walk out the door.
** This ass isn't gonna run itself off.
** You can never ever hug your kids too much.
** When life hands you…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 31, 2011 at 1:07pm — No Comments
I don't know about you, but sometimes, I can't help but laugh my buns off when my kids are throwing an all-out fit. They just look so incredibly ridiculous to me as they're wailing and screaming and flailing themselves about the floor. In fact, I've even videotaped one of my daughter's tantrums to show her just what an asshole looks like in action. Of course, she doesn't find it…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 29, 2011 at 10:06am — No Comments