** Nobody ever forewarns you about all the skid marks of motherhood (and I do mean that LITERALLY).
** My kids have more energy than Richard Simmons on cocaine.
** Screaming is evidently my son's new favorite hobby.
** I sure know how to waste a crapload of time.
** Sleeping with the window open totally…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 9, 2011 at 11:03am — No Comments
** School was, like, the greatest invention ever.
** Once again, homework can seriously suck it.
** I don't do math without my smashed grapes.
** Camping is so much more enjoyable when I don't have to be a part of it.
** My daughter's room smells like a pig took a shit in a sauna.
** The Fanta…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 2, 2011 at 1:09pm — No Comments
Added by Diamond Velez on September 2, 2011 at 7:54am — No Comments
Added by Courtney Gieg on September 1, 2011 at 7:57pm — No Comments
It's a dirty job, but, unfortunately, somebody's gotta do it. And this weekend? Well, I was the one who got stuck being the bad cop. Cause short people lying straight to my face is just not something that I take too lightly.
It all went down on Sunday, which was an unfortunate flurry of activity around here with the kids coming off the high…Continue
Added by Samantha Kemp-Jackson on August 27, 2011 at 11:58pm — No Comments
Kids sure have a way of (figuratively) punching you right in the gut when you least expect it, don't they? Their unassuming words can wash a blanket of guilt right over you in nothing flat. And before you know it, you're feeling like the suckiest parent in the world and saving your pennies for the future therapy that your kid will inevitably need thanks to…Continue
** My world is just a series of pee splatters and poo.
** It's a true challenge not to laugh when telling your eight year old how inappropriate it is to yell "cocks".
** Throwing food can be liberatingly fun.
** Pretending to be stupid so you can cut in line is sooooooo not cool.
** Some sick a-hole had…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 19, 2011 at 10:50am — No Comments
** Someone should come up with a Beano for brain farts.
** Motherhood is no place for migraines.
** Our water bill's gonna be $10,000 this month, thanks to my son's obsession with the hose.
** Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, is louder than the volume of a carpool of short people.
** Digging for your keys…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 12, 2011 at 8:53am — No Comments
Added by Samantha Kemp-Jackson on August 5, 2011 at 10:31pm — No Comments
** I am evidently NOT Tim "The Toolman" Taylor.
** The Coupon Suzy lady scares the absolute hell out of me.
** 2 AM looks WAY different than it used to.
** I really need to start slippin' Immodium A-D to the birds around my house.
It's an inevitability that every parent has to experience. A rite of passage, the "supermarket shakedown" is one that indeed shakes your maternal/paternal resolve to the core. This unique meltdown of sorts is atypical in that it is usually precipitated by the perpetrator's viewing of candy-coated confections, promptly followed by an unequivocal "No!" http://bit.ly/pp9UhB
Added by Samantha Kemp-Jackson on August 1, 2011 at 11:00pm — No Comments
Added by Samantha Kemp-Jackson on July 30, 2011 at 6:23am — No Comments
** Kids pick the most awesomely inopportune times to take a dump.
** Summer = an impromptu game of kick-the-can on a random Monday night.
** Goatdog is about to become a street dog.
** I wouldn't do well in that Little House on the Prairie.
** If Tuesday and Wednesday had a Facebook page, I would NOT…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 29, 2011 at 1:11pm — No Comments
** Naked is evidently the way to go this summer.
** As much as I love my husband, I really don't think I'd tackle someone trying to throw a pie in his face.
** Chopsticks actually help get my kids to eat their veggies.
** My son thinks I'm a car and driver expert.
** I am NOT a car and driver…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 22, 2011 at 10:10am — No Comments
(This story must be prefaced with the fact that it was nothing short of a miracle to get my son to write anything in school at all. His poor teacher had to practically hypnotize him to get any kind of writing topics to emerge from his little brain. So yeah, this story's about a giant turd, but hey, at least the kid wrote a story, right??!!)
Once upon a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 3:34pm — No Comments
So if you're anything like me, you're trying your damnedest to find something for your kids to do so that they don't kill each other over summer vacation. And that "something" would preferably be an activity that keeps 'em occupied for a long stretch of time, perhaps even long enough for Mama to have a well-deserved glass of wine and maybe even *gasp* take a pee in…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 3:32pm — No Comments
** Cruise control scares the shit out of me.
** When you travel with kids, it's a trip. When you travel without them, it's a vacation.
** 99.9% of the water at water parks is a combination of urine and ick. Probably.
** Trying to get your kids to sleep at a water park is like trying to get a nun to pole…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 1:30pm — No Comments
"Practice Pancakes for Saturday's Pancakes in a Panic tasting by Merrick!"
Yesterday the kids and I, after making up eFoods soup and corn bread muffin samples, went door to door among our neighbors to invited them to Merrick's "Pancakes in a Panic!" eFoods tasting class.
We passed out flyers with this title "Pancakes in a Panic! Emergency Family Food Series!" That is the name of…
Added by Kim Power Stilson on July 13, 2011 at 9:30am — No Comments
Added by Samantha Kemp-Jackson on July 10, 2011 at 5:26pm — No Comments