** I'm not good at getting lucky.
** Child labor is more expensive than it used to be.
** A little piece of me dies every time people "REPLY…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 7, 2014 at 4:36pm — No Comments
** The noise in my house is often so LOUD that I could walk out and nobody would even notice.
** It would be AWESOME to still get care packages every now and then like we did in college.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 28, 2014 at 1:30pm — No Comments
My kids have always LOVED commercials. Maybe it's because their dad works in advertising, or maybe it's because, unlike me, they never ever get tired of hearing the "Flipeez" theme song that seems to play on repeat between shows. Whatever the case, when an ad pops up on the screen, my twins are completely riveted. So when a totally inappropriate commercial was shown during a KID movie on…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 25, 2014 at 11:12am — No Comments
** I wish my brain shut off as easily when I try to go to sleep as it does when I try to help my kids with their homework.
** Exhaustion is just NOT a good look on me.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 21, 2014 at 9:59am — No Comments
As a parent, we're often so used to running on autopilot that we rarely ever even stop to think about why we're doing something. We just continue to do it mindlessly, day after day after day. Take, for instance, the gazillion and one loads of never-ending laundry and the gazillion and one loads of multiplying…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 19, 2014 at 10:29am — No Comments
** If I held my breath for a big Valentine's Day surprise, I'd surely end up dead.
** A pre-shower naked dance is evidently becoming a nightly ritual around here.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 14, 2014 at 10:16am — No Comments
Remember that show, "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" Well, it turns out, I'm apparently not. You see, I happen to live with two of them, and I'm reminded of that fact nearly every friggin' night when I try to help them with their homework -- I swear we never learned ANY of this stuff until high…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 12, 2014 at 2:38pm — No Comments
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 7, 2014 at 8:07pm — No Comments
** Whoever sent the Polar Vortex an invitation to return is in need of a good ass kicking.
** If I wanted to live in Antarctica, I would've moved to Antarctica.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 31, 2014 at 1:38pm — No Comments
I'd always thought that Mother Nature and I kind of had a connection -- you know with the whole "mother" thing and all. But I'm really starting to think that she's falsely assumed her title because no mama in her right mind would make it so damn cold outside that kids are off school and trapped indoors for days on…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 29, 2014 at 10:20am — No Comments
** If I looked like David Beckham, I'd be naked ALL the time.
** I'm a firm Belieber that Justin needs a big ol' time…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 24, 2014 at 10:21am — No Comments
** Supervising a chain gang would be more enjoyable than supervising homework.
** The world needs a whole lot more Tina Fey & Amy Poehler.
Coming back from a family vacation is never a fun thing. The packing, the travel, the crabby kids -- they all add up to one giant pain in the ass. It pretty much makes you forget that you were even on vacation at all. But this recent sucker punch back to reality after our New Year's trip to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 9, 2014 at 11:30am — No Comments
** Next year, I really need some elves, dammit.
** My twins now have nicer phones than I do. Thanks, Santa.
** Candlelight church services with kids make…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 27, 2013 at 12:21pm — No Comments
Some of you may remember this post from a few years ago, and some of you may be reading it for the first time. Whatever the case, it was my own nucking futty spin on the classic tale of "The Night Before Christmas". If your holidays are anything like mine, you'll appreciate the recounting of a Christmas Eve that's not exactly what you might call picture-perfect.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 24, 2013 at 11:16am — No Comments
** Whoever declared the recorder a "musical" instrument was obviously deaf.
** The UPS man has left more on my porch lately than the squirrels have.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 20, 2013 at 8:00pm — No Comments
As a parent, technology is often my worst enemy. Not only does it turn my son into a zombified video game addict half the time, but it also gives me gray hairs worrying about the prospect of someone sending a damn naked picture to one of my middle schoolers. (*Gasp!!!*) However, I'm starting to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 18, 2013 at 12:12pm — No Comments
** The weatherman seems to be telling us all to go back to our warm beds until April.
** It would be AWESOME if I was the octopus my children seem to think I am.
** When you tell your husband to pick up "holiday-ish" paper plates at the grocery store, you evidently need to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2013 at 12:56pm — No Comments
** Trying to get my kids to organize their rooms is like trying to get a dog to scoop his own poop.
** I wish somebody would jump to make me dinner whenever I say I'm hungry.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 6, 2013 at 12:16pm — No Comments
Remember the good old days when your kids would be perfectly happy with the giant cardboard box their gifts came in? Give 'em some markers, and they were entertained for…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 5, 2013 at 6:00pm — No Comments