** Those sneaky Mayans were totally effing with us all along.  I knew it!!!!

** December is one giant money suck.

** Our Elf on the Shelf would be a lot more welcome here if he wrapped presents and actually did "elf" shit.

** Taking a shower lately is definitely a luxury.

** Living next to a house being torn…

** 'Tis the season to be an asshole.  Apparently.

** I am not the Energizer Bunny.

** The Elf on the Shelf might very well be my nemesis.

** Anything that's lost is very likely at the bottom of my son's backpack.

** I should really write a country song cause I've got the homework blues.

** Leaving your…

If I could take myself into a dark alley and kick my own ass, I totally would cause I seriously dropped the parenting ball the other night (once again).  Yes, I completely failed my duty as the Tooth Fairy, y'all.  Now I know that plenty of people have said that they, too, have forgotten a tooth here and there, but I swore that I would never…

** Skid marks can suck it.

** If you can drive five REALLY loud eight-year-old girls without wrecking the car, you can do just about anything.

** I think I'm gonna make it easier on myself and just give everyone access to my bank account this Christmas.

** Stupidity is what makes the world go round (or at least it seems…

WARNING: ** Look away if you don't like an occasional f-bomb every now and then.  Cause in this case?  It just couldn't be helped.  (Sorry, Mom and Dad....) **

Every year our "Elf on the Shelf" tradition brings me a combination of both…

** Every time I try to be the early bird, my kids have already beaten me to the damn worm.

** The apple doesn't fall far from the tree since my son evidently also writes "notes to self".

** I'm a little obsessed with Thymes Frasier Fir line for the holidays.

**After living with a…