** It's kind of disturbing to hear your nine year old sing about having someone blow his whistle.  (Yeah, thanks, Flo Rida.)

** I'm beyond thankful I'm not married to a politician.

** Fun-size 3 Musketeers are downright dangerous.

** My ass is gonna beep when I back up if I don't amp up my workout routine again…

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** Sometimes turds just don't want to be flushed.

** I really really heart selling jewelry.

** It's a terribly bad idea to enter a bakery when you're starving.

** Trying to brush my daughter's hair in the morning is like trying to lasso a…