If your husband tries to talk you into flying the red-eye with your kids at the end of a family vacation, don't fall for it. He may try to reassure you that your kids will sleep on the plane, and all will be fine. But trust me, it will be anything but fine. And the only person who will be sleeping on the plane will be your…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 10, 2014 at 1:17pm — No Comments
** Supervising a chain gang would be more enjoyable than supervising homework.
** The world needs a whole lot more Tina Fey & Amy Poehler.
** It's super fun when my twins come out of their rooms after 30 seconds and claim they can't go to sleep.
** Christmas is only six weeks away -- holy crapola!…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2013 at 12:52pm — No Comments
Until you become an adult, you never really understand that your parents really WERE looking out for your best interests when you were a kid. As much as you thought they were unfair and totally out to ruin your life, they really did kinda know what they were doing (most of the time anyway).…Continue
** School REALLY needs to start. Cause my patience has left the building.
** The smell of an amusement park is a compilation of B.O., grease, and ass.
** I'm not…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 24, 2013 at 11:44am — No Comments
** I'm not sure why people are so surprised that a guy named "Weiner" likes to show off his junk.
** Goatdog drinks water like he's bobbing for apples.
** A good…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 26, 2013 at 5:11pm — No Comments
** Surprisingly, a quiet house kinda creeps me out.
** Mother Nature is a ruthless Bitch with a capital "B".
** "The Great Gatsby" was unfortunately not all that great.
** I would get lost inside a cardboard box. (No, seriously, how do I get out of this thing?)
** Grown men fighting in a bar is the…Continue
I apologize for being MIA on here lately, but unfortunately, my father had a bad stroke and was hospitalized. It's been pretty horrific to say the least, but rest assured, I HAVE been keeping a mental list of wacky things I've learned. And here they are:
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 15, 2013 at 10:36am — No Comments
You know how you had that one toy in your bedroom as a kid that kinda creeped you out once your parents turned out the lights and tucked you in for the night? Mine was a clown who I swear glared at me from his perch high up on my bookcase. (Special thanks to Poltergeist for that little childhood fear.) But now that I'm an adult (allegedly anyway), my daughter has…Continue
** Much to my surprise, the New Year's Day puker turned out to be neither my husband nor me, but rather, my daughter.
** There's just never enough sleep to go around.
** An overnight getaway would be cheaper than taking three kids to the movies.
** My son's decided to Gangnam Style his way throughout the day, all day, every…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 4, 2013 at 5:17pm — No Comments
It's never ever easy to be a parent, but man, some days are just harder than others, aren't they? And when you're dealing with an overtired child, you're pretty much fighting an unbeatable battle, like a kitten trying to hold its own against a wolverine. Yep, this is exactly how my week began yesterday (as if Mondays weren't bad enough already!)
It had been…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 16, 2012 at 12:10pm — No Comments
** Parking garages continue to both piss me off and freak me out.
** Men are by far THE biggest babies when they're sick.
** Taking a shower is really just a whole lotta work.
** My house looks like we had a major party here. Which would be awesome if we'd had a major party here.
** Auto-pilot is a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 28, 2012 at 2:08pm — No Comments
** My allergies are acting crazier than Dina Lohan lately.
** Sand in my toes = good. Sand in my teeth = not so good.
** Processing a thought in this…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 21, 2012 at 11:05am — No Comments
** Octomom doing porn is the same as an old man doing naked jumping jacks — NOBODYwants to see that shit!!!!!
** Hearing your kids tell you that you’re beautiful is one of the greatest perks of parenting.
** Morgan Freeman…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 22, 2012 at 2:41pm — No Comments
** Bras and humidity go together about as well as politicians and honesty.
** 7:30 AM is way too early for drama.
** It wouldn't surprise me in the least if my kids' heads spun around while they spit green pea soup at me.
** Spring baseball in Chicago can suck it.
** My imaginary housekeeper seems to have gone…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 4, 2012 at 10:45am — No Comments
** It honestly wouldn't surprise me if I pulled a piece of Easter grass out of my ass at this point since that crap seems to be EVERYWHERE!!!!
** If you're a complete and total bitch, you should probably think twice about being a customer service rep. Just sayin'.
** Motherhood is totally interfering with my "Fifty Shades of Grey"…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 13, 2012 at 11:36am — No Comments
Bedtime with my twinks continues to reach an all-time low around here. Every flippin' night I threaten to sell 'em off in a 2-for-1 special at a garage sale. Cause seriously, why did I have to be the one to give birth to the sleepless wonder twins? I say it's high time I open up a can of 'Serious As A Heart Attack' and take back my nightly mother effin' me-time. So, here's the equation that I hereby propose:…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 7, 2012 at 10:55am — No Comments
** Your cabin fever's reached Code Red when you're jealous of the squirrels outside breathing in all that fresh, freezing cold air.
** Trying to work a crossword puzzle when you're tired just makes you feel stupid. And tired.
** I've washed my hands so many times over the past few days that I may no longer have fingerprints.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 27, 2012 at 10:32am — No Comments
Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the dreadful toll motherhood has taken on my sleeping patterns. Little by little, I'm starting to realize that this sleep deprivation shit is just a never-ending, vicious cycle that nobody ever REALLY tells you about. Evidently, it never really goes away but just presents itself in different forms along the way, starting from the time…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 25, 2012 at 10:17am — No Comments
Bedtime in my house is a huge, old never-ending pain in my ass. I keep hoping and praying that we'll FINALLY turn the corner where my kids realize that, holy shit, sleeping actually kinda rocks!! But, sadly, we haven't even come close to that point in our journey together. …Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2011 at 1:04pm — No Comments