** I'm not buying whatever Mother Nature is selling.
** My transformation from human to crocodile is nearly complete,…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 9, 2015 at 3:45pm — No Comments
** I wish my brain shut off as easily when I try to go to sleep as it does when I try to help my kids with their homework.
** Exhaustion is just NOT a good look on me.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 21, 2014 at 9:59am — No Comments
** If I held my breath for a big Valentine's Day surprise, I'd surely end up dead.
** A pre-shower naked dance is evidently becoming a nightly ritual around here.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 14, 2014 at 10:16am — No Comments
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 7, 2014 at 8:07pm — No Comments
I'd always thought that Mother Nature and I kind of had a connection -- you know with the whole "mother" thing and all. But I'm really starting to think that she's falsely assumed her title because no mama in her right mind would make it so damn cold outside that kids are off school and trapped indoors for days on…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 29, 2014 at 10:20am — No Comments
** Cancer is a giant, life-stealing asshole.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 10, 2014 at 5:19pm — No Comments
Coming back from a family vacation is never a fun thing. The packing, the travel, the crabby kids -- they all add up to one giant pain in the ass. It pretty much makes you forget that you were even on vacation at all. But this recent sucker punch back to reality after our New Year's trip to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 9, 2014 at 11:30am — No Comments
** I most certainly did NOT inherit my mom's hair-braiding skills.
** Apparently, Gap Kids sells husky-sized skinny jeans. Anybody else confused?
** Winter can kiss…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 8, 2013 at 9:00pm — No Comments
** Shoveling snow by hand should be followed by a massage. And possibly a lobotomy.
** The past several days have been like tantric sex. Minus the sex part.Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 1, 2013 at 5:30pm — No Comments
** Living next door to construction is like having an earthquake as your neighbor.
** I don't know who's more excited when there's no homework -- the kids or me.
** Danica Patrick "pole position" jokes are plentiful when my husband's around.
** I'm not sure whether to feel flattered or offended that everybody seems to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 22, 2013 at 10:21am — No Comments
** Santa needs to be A LOT more organized next year.
** I may never see my son again now that Wii U is hooked up in the basement.
** Goatdog REALLY likes to open presents. Especially ones that don't belong to him.
** When it snows, everyone seems to have forgotten how to drive.
** Teepeeing the inside of your house…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 28, 2012 at 5:39pm — No Comments
** 'Tis the season to be an asshole. Apparently.
** I am not the Energizer Bunny.
** The Elf on the Shelf might very well be my nemesis.
** Anything that's lost is very likely at the bottom of my son's backpack.
** I should really write a country song cause I've got the homework blues.
** Leaving your…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 8, 2012 at 2:04pm — No Comments
As much as I loathe winter weather, there truly is something magical about the first snow of the season. Those white flakes falling gracefully from the sky always bring an unexpected peacefulness in my otherwise chaotic world. And being able to share that special moment with my kids makes it all that more memorable for me.
We got our first snowy dusting just this…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 14, 2012 at 5:00pm — No Comments
** Skinny celebrities who say they get their cardio by "chasing their kids around" are more full of shit than my backyard.
** I don't have a few new leaves to turn over -- I have a whole damn PILE.
** Victoria's Secret catalogs that arrive in the dead of January when we're all a little heftier from the holidays can suck…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 13, 2012 at 11:22am — No Comments
** I totally know how Jack Torrance felt. Cabin fever can suck it.
** Only 25% of the pee in this house actually makes it into the bowl (and that 25% belongs to ME!)
** My referee whistle needs to be a helluva lot louder.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 11, 2011 at 11:25am — No Comments