** The noise in my house is often so LOUD that I could walk out and nobody would even notice.
** It would be AWESOME to still get care packages every now and then like we did in college.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 28, 2014 at 1:30pm — No Comments
** Cancer is a giant, life-stealing asshole.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 10, 2014 at 5:19pm — No Comments
** Whoever declared the recorder a "musical" instrument was obviously deaf.
** The UPS man has left more on my porch lately than the squirrels have.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 20, 2013 at 8:00pm — No Comments
I originally posted this a few years ago, but it's definitely one that I like to pull out of the vault again at holiday time. Cause it's about liquor. And who DOESN'T need a cup of cheerful something or other at this time of the year??!!
You know it's gonna be a good day when you're strolling through the wine aisle at the grocery store on a random…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 11, 2013 at 5:00pm — No Comments
** It's super fun when my twins come out of their rooms after 30 seconds and claim they can't go to sleep.
** Christmas is only six weeks away -- holy crapola!…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2013 at 12:52pm — No Comments
** I'm not sure why people are so surprised that a guy named "Weiner" likes to show off his junk.
** Goatdog drinks water like he's bobbing for apples.
** A good…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 26, 2013 at 5:11pm — No Comments
** My kids think Santa can make ANYTHING, which means that I am totally and completely SCREWED.
** "Customer" and "service" are two words that, sadly, don't belong together anymore.
** Static electricity is a very unfortunate side effect of Winter.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 16, 2012 at 4:55pm — No Comments
** The time change is making me think I'm late to everything. (O.k., so later than usual).
** My town has already put up its Christmas decorations. So we can now eat our Halloween candy under the mistletoe.
** After a thorough cleaning of my daughter's room, turns out there isn't a dead body in there after all.
** I am a chocolate chip cookie whore.
** Sinus headaches and motherhood go together about as well as flannel pajamas go with humidity.
** Meal plans that don't include chocolate or wine are clearly not the plans for me.
** Finding a store that still sells Excedrin Migraine is like finding the pot of gold at the end of a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 20, 2012 at 6:14pm — No Comments
** The self-checkout lanes at the grocery store are no place for morons.
** Wednesday evening was evidently "Be An Asshole" night at my house. (I didn't get the memo.)
** It's impossible NOT to smile when you see a dog hanging out a car window, beard blowing in the breeze.
** My son claims to "love being…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 18, 2012 at 11:39am — No Comments
See this shirt right here? I sooooo totally need this shirt. Because this sums up my life to a tee (pun intended). Who knew that such a cute little creature could shit this friggin' much? I don't know about you, but I most certainly did not. Yes, I bet our friend Patches drops at least one turd every thirty seconds. I swear the bottom of his cage looks like a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 9, 2011 at 9:41am — No Comments
** Kids pick the most awesomely inopportune times to take a dump.
** Summer = an impromptu game of kick-the-can on a random Monday night.
** Goatdog is about to become a street dog.
** I wouldn't do well in that Little House on the Prairie.
** If Tuesday and Wednesday had a Facebook page, I would NOT…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 29, 2011 at 1:11pm — No Comments
Dear Liquor Store,
Perhaps you may have heard some rumblings about the impending summer vacation that's about to pounce on the town here any day now. Yes, kids will soon be out terrorizing the streets and pimping lemonade hardcore on every effing corner. They will be changing their clothes 357 times a day, thereby creating even more…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 3:35pm — No Comments