** The lighting in fitting rooms is nothing short of cruel.

** My toes are sooooo ready for flip flops.

** A clean car is pretty awesome (even if only for five short minutes).

** I probably owe the car wash an apology note.

** The appetites of my children dramatically increase the moment school lets…

A little over a year ago, I had a momentary lapse in judgment.  Yes, I allowed my daughter to get a pet guinea pig, which was clearly not the smartest decision I ever made, considering that we have a dog who likes to eat EVERYTHING under the sun.  Miraculously, though, the pig and the pooch have somehow managed to co-exist relatively peacefully up until now.  That…

One of my absolute favorite things to do with my kids is to read to them.  Since I happen to have a borderline obsession with children's books, I get absolutely giddy when they want to share in my love of literature.   That's why the bedtime story is one of my most treasured times of the day -- that is, until one of my twins decides to moon me right in the freakin' middle of…

Bedtime with my twinks continues to reach an all-time low around here.  Every flippin' night I threaten to sell 'em off in a 2-for-1 special at a garage sale.  Cause seriously, why did I have to be the one to give birth to the sleepless wonder twins?  I say it's high time I open up a can of 'Serious As A Heart Attack' and take back my nightly mother effin' me-time.  So, here's the equation that I hereby propose:…

(This story must be prefaced with the fact that it was nothing short of a miracle to get my son to write anything in school at all.  His poor teacher had to practically hypnotize him to get any kind of writing topics to emerge from his little brain.  So yeah, this story's about a giant turd, but hey, at least the kid wrote a story, right??!!)

Once upon a…