** School REALLY needs to start. Cause my patience has left the building.
** The smell of an amusement park is a compilation of B.O., grease, and ass.
** I'm not…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 24, 2013 at 11:44am — No Comments
** It's gotta be a scientific fact that kids are 10 times crazier in the summer.
** Kicking your own ass is harder than having someone else kick it for you.
** I'm not above napping in public.
** Someone needs to punch me the next time I decide that 4 weeks without summer camp is a good idea.
** Since we didn't win…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 9, 2013 at 10:21am — No Comments
With summer camps ending, I have become the unofficial director of "Camp Mama", who's expected to have full-day schedules of wild and exciting adventures planned for each and every day. Thus, my time for writing even something as small as a to-do list has become pretty much non-existent. The following is what I…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 25, 2013 at 8:47pm — No Comments
** Mornings love me WAY more than I love them.
** This week's heat wave has made being a nudist seem a whole lot more appealing.
** I get more stupid with…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2013 at 6:45pm — No Comments
** I guess I accidentally skipped a week of keeping track of what I've learned. Oopsy.
** The beach is truly my happy place.
** Soap operas really are unnecessary…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 12, 2013 at 4:54pm — No Comments
** Hormones can bite me.
** The world needs a lot less know-it-all's and a lot more chill pills.
** Sometimes it's just easier to pretend like my…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 28, 2013 at 9:20pm — No Comments
** It should at least count as working out if you wore your workout clothes all day long.
** When you wake up at 4 AM and think you smell someone making toast, it's most likely just wishful thinking.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 21, 2013 at 6:08pm — No Comments
** The revolving door of kids, dirt, and craziness must mean it's FINALLY Summer.
** Moms should get a cut of all lemonade stand profits.
** And somebody totally…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 14, 2013 at 7:06pm — No Comments
** I don't know where I am or what I'm supposed to be doing.
** Insomnia wants to be my BFF.
** My kids have mentally checked out for the summer, which will make the…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 31, 2013 at 3:07pm — No Comments
** Mother's Day should really be Mother's Weekend.
** My brain is on MAJOR end-of-the-school-year overload.
** Warm weather just makes ya wanna eat ice…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 17, 2013 at 10:43am — No Comments
** Judging from Beyonce, Manti T'eo, and Lance Armstrong, fake things apparently happen in threes.
** The media sure knows how to beat a news story to death.
** My ass is eternally grateful for the genius who invented seat heaters.
** Women supposedly look their ugliest at 3:30 PM on Wednesdays.
** The people who…Continue
** Projectile t.v. = yes! Projectile vomit = not so much.
** I'd pretty much give my left arm for a nap.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 11, 2013 at 3:36pm — No Comments
** I often wonder whether I live in a house with two kids or a house with two pigs.
** Driving past a lemonade stand without stopping makes me feel guilty.
** I may or may not be a sucker.
** Gravity can kiss my ass (especially since it's responsible for knocking it down in the first place).
** Parenting without a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 24, 2012 at 1:42pm — No Comments
** Summer really needs a speeding ticket.
** Inspirational quotes do nothing but piss me off when I'm in a crabby mood.
** The Olympics have evidently convinced my kids that there's a vault in our second floor hallway. (And I assure you there is not.)
** My brain has a serious case of the farts lately.
** The top of…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 3, 2012 at 10:53am — No Comments
When I put my husband in charge of getting the kids somewhere, I can generally expect for at least a handful of important things to be completely forgotten. Try as he might, he just doesn't run through any sort of mental checklist before he races out the door. In fact, he's done this ever since the twins were little tiny babies, often leaving the house without so much as a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 24, 2012 at 10:14am — No Comments
I am more than grateful for the genius who came up with the idea for summer camp. Cause if my kids didn't have somewhere to go each and every day? They would surely have killed each other by now. However, as much as I like the idea…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2012 at 11:39am — No Comments
So I got that old familiar pit in the bottom of my motherly stomach again yesterday. It happened when I dropped my son off for his first day of Sports Camp. Yes, it's that same ol' dreaded feeling I seem to get whenever I leave my timid little guy in a strange new environment. You see, unlike his mama, he's quite the shy type, and it takes every bit of my willpower not to play the…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 19, 2012 at 8:47pm — No Comments
** A successful night is when the Tooth Fairy remembers to do her duty AND even has change for a twenty! Holla!
** Nine year olds evidently need to be reminded not to stick jelly beans up their noses.
** It's amazing how a closed bathroom door means nothing to my kids until they're the ones behind it.
** I like road trips…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 15, 2012 at 11:28am — No Comments
** Just so we're clear, I will still drink the wine if a fruit fly lands in my glass.
** The end of the school year is when all the crap that's been shoved into a tiny desk for nine months suddenly makes its way into your kitchen (or your trash).
** My son thinks I grew up in the early 1900's. Awesome.
** When you don't have…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 8, 2012 at 10:58am — No Comments
** If I had a dollar for every item on my to-do list, I could pay someone to do all the items on my to-do list.
** I'd like to punch my 40-year-old hormones in the face.
** Bringing a bag of Starburst into this house is like tossing a chicken into a lion's den.
** The penis enlargement emails I keep getting are totally helpful for…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 1, 2012 at 12:02pm — No Comments