As a parent, I've often found myself doing things that I wouldn't dream of doing on my own free will -- cleaning poop off a wall, catching puke with my bare hands, dining at a germ-infested Chuck E. Cheese. But the hellacious thing I got roped into doing last week on vacation? Well, that should earn me fabulous…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 21, 2014 at 1:54pm — No Comments
** Mother Nature seems to have Chicago and San Francisco confused.
** Every time I go to CVS, the receipt is longer than the Great…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 27, 2014 at 5:44pm — No Comments
Ever since I saw the crazy fun that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson had crashing all those weddings on the big screen, I've been dying to try it. And this past weekend, I finally got my long-awaited chance! However, I…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 1, 2014 at 10:11am — No Comments
** Jet lag is not really the vacation souvenir I had in mind.
** Even the eyes in the back of my head have bags underneath them.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 11, 2014 at 10:21am — No Comments
If your husband tries to talk you into flying the red-eye with your kids at the end of a family vacation, don't fall for it. He may try to reassure you that your kids will sleep on the plane, and all will be fine. But trust me, it will be anything but fine. And the only person who will be sleeping on the plane will be your…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 10, 2014 at 1:17pm — No Comments
** I'm not good at getting lucky.
** Child labor is more expensive than it used to be.
** A little piece of me dies every time people "REPLY…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 7, 2014 at 4:36pm — No Comments
Coming back from a family vacation is never a fun thing. The packing, the travel, the crabby kids -- they all add up to one giant pain in the ass. It pretty much makes you forget that you were even on vacation at all. But this recent sucker punch back to reality after our New Year's trip to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 9, 2014 at 11:30am — No Comments
** Trying to get my kids to organize their rooms is like trying to get a dog to scoop his own poop.
** I wish somebody would jump to make me dinner whenever I say I'm hungry.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 6, 2013 at 12:16pm — No Comments
** Family trips are flat-out EXHAUSTING.
** It takes 11 years to unpack 11 days worth of luggage.
** Reality's a bitch, especially when it sucker punches…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 5, 2013 at 1:00pm — No Comments
** Parking garages continue to both piss me off and freak me out.
** Men are by far THE biggest babies when they're sick.
** Taking a shower is really just a whole lotta work.
** My house looks like we had a major party here. Which would be awesome if we'd had a major party here.
** Auto-pilot is a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 28, 2012 at 2:08pm — No Comments
** Seeing his grandma in the buff apparently doesn't phase my son in the least.
** Hot flashes and sea sickness don't mix well with a pirate ship cruise.
** And just because it's a "pirate" cruise does not mean that Johnny Depp…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 13, 2012 at 10:08am — No Comments
** Just so we're clear, I will still drink the wine if a fruit fly lands in my glass.
** The end of the school year is when all the crap that's been shoved into a tiny desk for nine months suddenly makes its way into your kitchen (or your trash).
** My son thinks I grew up in the early 1900's. Awesome.
** When you don't have…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 8, 2012 at 10:58am — No Comments
I normally do these "reflective" kind of posts on Fridays, but I was just too swept up in Paradise last week to sit down and really use my brain for anything productive. But now that I've been sucker-punched by reality once again, I decided to look back on the finer things I discovered on our family vacation....
** Every day should end in a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 2, 2012 at 11:06am — No Comments
** My son likes to make his penis talk. (Don't ask.)
** The entire household turns into assholes when my husband goes out of town.
** My kids wait to take a dump until it's time to walk out the door.
** This ass isn't gonna run itself off.
** You can never ever hug your kids too much.
** When life hands you…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 31, 2011 at 1:07pm — No Comments
If you've ever wondered where all the germs go to party, I'm pretty sure I figured out their favorite stomping ground. Just visit any given water park, and you'll surely find a whole gaggle of germ dudes and germ dudettes gettin' their freak on. How do I know this? Cause my family just spent this past weekend at one, and I've got the mental scars (and the super sexy fever…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 20, 2011 at 10:12am — No Comments
Dear Liquor Store,
Perhaps you may have heard some rumblings about the impending summer vacation that's about to pounce on the town here any day now. Yes, kids will soon be out terrorizing the streets and pimping lemonade hardcore on every effing corner. They will be changing their clothes 357 times a day, thereby creating even more…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 3:35pm — No Comments
** Cruise control scares the shit out of me.
** When you travel with kids, it's a trip. When you travel without them, it's a vacation.
** 99.9% of the water at water parks is a combination of urine and ick. Probably.
** Trying to get your kids to sleep at a water park is like trying to get a nun to pole…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 1:30pm — No Comments