** I'm not buying whatever Mother Nature is selling.
** My transformation from human to crocodile is nearly complete,…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 9, 2015 at 3:45pm — No Comments
** I'm not sure what's disappearing faster around here -- my money or our iPhone chargers.…
** Winter is officially "over" -- and I'll believe it when I see it.
** The Tooth Fairy's gonna have to start leaving IOU's if my twins don't go to bed earlier at night.…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 21, 2014 at 10:14am — No Comments
** Whoever sent the Polar Vortex an invitation to return is in need of a good ass kicking.
** If I wanted to live in Antarctica, I would've moved to Antarctica.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 31, 2014 at 1:38pm — No Comments
** The weatherman seems to be telling us all to go back to our warm beds until April.
** It would be AWESOME if I was the octopus my children seem to think I am.
** When you tell your husband to pick up "holiday-ish" paper plates at the grocery store, you evidently need to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2013 at 12:56pm — No Comments
** The first week of back-to-school mornings are nuttier than squirrel poop.
** Nobody appreciates bedtime more than a parent.
** Mom guilt sucker punches me…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 30, 2013 at 5:47pm — No Comments
** Cramps and mammograms are just two of the many perks (*ahem*) of being a woman.
** I'd rather be a wrinkled mess than pull out an iron.
** Kids and husbands have very selective hearing.
** Getting in bed early to read a book didn't kill me after all.
** Paying your offspring to do things you don't wanna…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 10, 2013 at 2:30pm — No Comments
** Spilled wine is WAY worse than spilled milk.
** The DMV is truly a vast sea of weirdness.
** Turning 29 again wasn't so bad after…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 19, 2013 at 2:31pm — No Comments
** If it's not written down, it most definitely WILL be forgotten.
** Every day should be Pajama Day.
** Apparently no Super Bowl ads are gonna be new when the Super Bowl actually airs. WTF?!
** Contrary to popular opinion, stupid is not sexy.
** The ass crack of dawn is something I don't very much care to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 1, 2013 at 3:04pm — No Comments
** Those sneaky Mayans were totally effing with us all along. I knew it!!!!
** December is one giant money suck.
** Our Elf on the Shelf would be a lot more welcome here if he wrapped presents and actually did "elf" shit.
** Taking a shower lately is definitely a luxury.
** Living next to a house being torn…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 21, 2012 at 11:20am — No Comments
My kids are driving me absolutely CUCKOO-KACHOO with all the friggin' apps they continue to want for the iPhone. Every day it's something new. My damn phone now has over 8,764 different games on it! WTF?! Ok, so maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but I seriously can't find any of the things that I need on it anymore cause it's so overcrowded with kid…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 15, 2012 at 10:32am — No Comments