“What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever seen in your life?” my 5-year-old son asked me tonight, as I was trying to put away laundry and coax him and his siblings to brush their teeth. His twin sister composed her Christmas list at her desk, updating me with each added item, despite the fact that we haven’t yet made it through Halloween. Then she screeched at her 2-year-old sister who’d stolen a stray birthday party hat. During the commotion, both my landline and mobile phone rang to inform…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 30, 2012 at 9:13pm — No Comments
I guess my way of preparing for an emergency is to blog about it – sort of like, as I’ve previously noted, my friend Cyndi’s way of coping with a crisis is to throw a party. (See “The Norsemen Cometh.”) In fact, I hope to row over to Cyndi’s house tomorrow afternoon for one of her bashes in my Hawaiian shirt and toss back a couple of stiff Hurricanes. In the meantime, I thought I’d better post an entry…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 27, 2012 at 5:12pm — No Comments
I was putting the finishing strokes on the fourth installment of my “It’s a Thin Line” series – you can visit parts1, 2 and 3 – when I realized what I really wanted to do was reminisce about what I miss. So here goes:
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 25, 2012 at 8:44pm — No Comments
One of the things I would love to say to my 5-year-old daughter and cannot is, “Please, please, please stop drawing so many pictures.”
Georgia’s 2-year-old sister is a bit young for coloring, and her twin brother would rather dribble a basketball than put marker to paper. But Georgia is deeply entrenched in an artistic phase.
I don’t know where she gets this drive. I, myself, am not at all crafty – at least not in the Martha Stewart sense. I hate going to the…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 23, 2012 at 10:15pm — No Comments
The other day my husband called to tell me he’d be home at 5 p.m. sharp. To say that I experienced a twinge of ecstasy might be an understatement.
After my 2-year-old and I picked up her twin siblings from half-day kindergarten, we’d have a mere five hours to kill until daddy arrived. And they promised to be a delightful 300 minutes. My twins’ fighting-to-playing quotient had been listing toward the battlefield; Jane was stomping her foot whenever I mentioned the potty; my…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 21, 2012 at 9:06pm — No Comments
I recently watched a crime thriller in which the coroner said he could tell from the spatter pattern that the victim’s blood pressure was sky high before she died because she was fighting for her life.
That’s pretty much how I feel most days between 6 and 9 a.m.
In fact, the other morning I was so stressed out by the time I dropped my twins at kindergarten that I found myself frenetically humming “Mother’s Little Helper” to my 2-year-old on the walk back to…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 18, 2012 at 10:10pm — No Comments
Saturday night, my husband and I found ourselves scavenging around the quaint borough of Narberth with about 100 other people – in Viking helmets.
“The next time someone asks us what we’re doing, we have to come up with a better answer than a scavenger hunt,” noted one of our teammates, who chose to remain anonymous. “Let’s say we’re going to a swingers’ party.”
But even one of former IMF Chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn's orgies would’ve looked staid compared to…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 16, 2012 at 10:45am — No Comments
I may have an outrageously dirty mind, but the following sampling from Sylvia Long’s “Mother Goose” strikes me as unfit bedtime fodder for my 2-year-old, better suited for, perhaps, a pedophile:
“I love little pussy,
Her coat is so warm,
And if I don’t hurt her
She’ll do me no harm.
“So I’ll not pull her tail,
Nor drive her away,
But pussy and…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 13, 2012 at 10:02am — No Comments
I was about to duck down a wooded path before a run the other day to – well, to pee – when I saw another lady emerging from the exact spot, cinching up her shorts.
Had I arrived 10 seconds earlier, we would’ve both been mortified. And this incident, so seemingly diurnal (pun intended), actually reminded me that life is really all about timing.
Timing is different from pacing. As a good friend of mine, who also has three, young children, likes to say, “Keep it…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 12, 2012 at 11:21am — No Comments
Lately, I’ve been noticing a rash of dead animal postings on my Facebook news feed. For instance, one friend recently discussed the tragic evisceration of one of her chickens. She pinned a raccoon as the prime suspect. Then another friend shared a picture of a field mouse she’d sucked up with her Dyson. Then another friend, who relocated to Texas, noted that she’d finally seen an armadillo – dead in the middle of a road.
And then, apparently, it was my…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 9, 2012 at 10:42am — No Comments
I should probably be ashamed to admit that I have always been a huge Billy Joel fan.
Actually, to be completely honest, I think I was a Barry Manilow fan before I discovered Joel. I’m a little fuzzy on the order, though I do know that the first song I ever learned by heart was “I Can’t Smile Without You.” I’m sure you know it: “I feel sad when you’re sad/I feel glad when you’re glad.”
Those are lyrics to grab onto. And I did, tenaciously. I knew Manilow’s 1978…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 5, 2012 at 12:51pm — No Comments
I’m having a love affair – with Trader Joe’s.
We have a secret rendezvous at least twice a week. Well, not that secret since I usually have to bring my toddler and sometimes my 5-year-old twins, too.
But my children are supportive. They love Trader Joe’s as much as I do. The clerks there are trained to give them stickers and free samples.
Furthermore, my kids have figured out that the place has not just one but two kinds of cinnamon rolls: the…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on October 3, 2012 at 7:44pm — No Comments
My husband and I began a recent night out with a run on a woodsy trail frequented by horseback riders, mountain bikers, other runners – and, apparently, Jeff’s boss.
I wouldn’t have minded unexpectedly bumping into my husband’s head of school, if Jeff hadn’t been wearing his knee-high, black, calf sleeves, overlaid with his favorite “Darn Tough Cool Max Micro Crew Cushion” socks. In addition, Jeff was rocking bright red shorts and a matching red visor, from the top of which…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on September 30, 2012 at 7:33pm — No Comments
My kids got misty-eyed when I told them that – since we were not Jewish – we would spend part of the Yom Kippur holiday from school getting flu shots.
Thus ensued several conversations with my 5-year-old daughter about inoculations, her idea of cruel and unusual punishment.
“Will it be just one shot?” she kept asking. She and her twin brother even came up with a survival plan: he would go first, she would go second, and their 2-year-old sister would go…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on September 27, 2012 at 8:05pm — No Comments
Cleaning up our 7-year-old Havanese’s barf at 7:45 a.m. yesterday made me think it might be time for a “Buddy” entry. His rolling in some kind of foul matter and bolting through the house at about 5:15 p.m. confirmed it.
Buddy has been rank before, but this was epic. Even my kids, no strangers to stench, scattered in revulsion.
“Mommy, Buddy stinks!” my 5-year-old daughter cried.
“Go! Go, give him a bath!” her twin brother yelled.
“Now!” Jane, 2,…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on September 25, 2012 at 6:16pm — No Comments
“Your first ‘New York Times’ is here!” my husband sang out on his way to work Friday morning.
This was a celebratory event simply because we had not had a newspaper in the house in nearly five years.
When our twins came home from the hospital, the papers kept winding up, unread, in the recycling bin. Then the recession hit, and we dropped all “unnecessary” expenses, such as being in touch with the world – or rather, paying not to be in touch with the world,…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on September 23, 2012 at 8:58am — No Comments
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on September 20, 2012 at 7:40pm — No Comments
Arriving a few minutes early for his first soccer practice of the season, my 5-year-old son and I sat watching the end of another team’s scrimmage. I was struck that a mom was coaching in this testosterone-driven boys’ league. And I was impressed by how she combined a playful style of encouragement with a brush-off-your-boo-boos sort of approach.
But her assistant coach lectured her at the end of practice about how the boys needed to learn the “ABCs” of soccer and about how…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on September 18, 2012 at 7:53pm — No Comments
Saturday night confirmed, yet again, that dining out with kids is usually better as a concept than a reality.
Before we left the house, I asked my husband to oversee the gathering of shoes and sweatshirts. I think he forgot the checklist, because, after a clumsy parallel parking of the minivan in Manayunk, we discovered that our 2-year-old was wearing one Croc, not two.
Covering her naked foot, we slipped her into a high chair and our twin 5-year-olds into a…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on September 16, 2012 at 8:48am — No Comments
We have become a family of bucket fillers, or dippers, depending on the moment.
I discovered this fact a few days ago, when my 2-year-old ripped a Barbie out of her 5-year-old sister’s hand. “Nooooo, Jane!” cried Georgia. “You’re dipping into my bucket.”
That was one I hadn’t heard before.
The next day, Georgia brought home a sheet with a picture of a bucket she’d colored in and explained how her class was discussing how kind acts fill one’s…Continue
Added by Courtenay Harris Bond on September 14, 2012 at 8:09am — No Comments