My Funny Mummy's Blog – March 2012 Archive (29)

Eyes

"...Look into the eyes., look into the eyes. Don't look around the eyes,
look into the eyes. Aaaand....you're under...."


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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 31, 2012 at 4:24am — No Comments

The Daughter-Less Excursion

Invited out for a birthday surprise picnic yesterday - and went Boo-less. Turns out doing so feels marginally more odd than it does to attend an event pants-less, covered in Greek yoghurt, suspended from a car aerial.

With my return to work only 81 days, 7 hours and 43 minutes away (me? bovved?), Betty's Nan is at the helm every Thursday, leaving me to shower at my leisure, apply make up while not driving and emit a puke free…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 30, 2012 at 4:59pm — No Comments

March Sunshine

First session of baby massage, a pot of fruit and bottle of chilled water picnic, then a snooze in the pram as we wander the park in the gorgeous March sunshine.

How absolutely not even a little tiny bit rubbish is her life?

Click here for full…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 29, 2012 at 12:14pm — No Comments

Pretty Please With A Mahoosive, Juicy, Gratitude Laced Cherry On Top

Yeeeeehaaaa! I've been nominated for something! You know what this means, don't you? It means I'VE LANDED. With all seven of you.


Let's be honest. In fact, let's be brutal. No one reads this blog.  Not really. The only people that will vote for me are my husband, Mum, Dad and sister. That's where you come in, Nan.…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 28, 2012 at 3:59pm — No Comments

Man VS Fish

We lined up for the weigh in. 
The silvery Cod registered at a small but mightily smelly 150g. 
I tipped the scales at a nervous but determined 3,000,007g. 
Press reports of the plucky underdog set to face the grisly gill-toting destroyer abound - but I drowned out all the frenzied media attention with complete concentration on my torturous training regime. Nothing would disturb my focus. 
With Rocky music blaring tinnily from our kitchen radio…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 27, 2012 at 4:03pm — No Comments

One Small Step For Man

Just look at that. Look at her. Who the hell thought up this contraption? It's another 'toy' somebody's given us.

toy (noun)

1. an object, often a small representation of something familiar, as an animal or person, for children or others to…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 26, 2012 at 10:02am — No Comments

Dance For The Puppet Master

Picture3
Just look at that. Look at me. Who the hell thought up this contraption? It's another 'toy' she's managed to find.
toy (noun)
1. an object, often a small representation of something familiar, as an animal or person, for children or others to play with; plaything.
2. something that serves for or as if for diversion, rather than for serious pratical use.…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 25, 2012 at 4:42pm — No Comments

Scream If You Wanna Go A Tiny Bit Faster

2012-03-23 16.34.47

These customisable sat nav units are genius.
He's sooo dreamy....

Added by My Funny Mummy on March 24, 2012 at 3:12pm — No Comments

Crimi-Nail

Officially time to get it checked out.


Picture2
Oh - you don't like feet? Well, you definitely shouldn't have looked at that then.


I had ingrowing side portions of it removed two years ago. I could have had it removed totally, but as the doctor said at the time, in peep toe…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 23, 2012 at 6:30am — No Comments

Baby Group

We arrived half an hour late for the class that began at 1.30pm. Bustling in, arms filled with Betty, a bulging changing bag, handbag and keys, I introduced myself to the group, reeling off some nervous, unthinking white noise for a few moments, until I heard myself utter the phrase "...then I realised I had to get my piles treated".  As the other mothers recoiled in united horror, I searched for something to break the silence. Still holding…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 22, 2012 at 5:35am — No Comments

Poo In The Toilet

Subjected ourselves to another episode of unashamed broad daylight extortion at the Dunelm Mill cafe. £2.05 for a pathetically tight-ared portion of Victoria sponge cake. Downing a pot of black tea to calm my nerves after allowing myself to be seduced by the mere whiff of butter cream, I fed Betty and remembered she was due for a bum change. I left for the loo as my nan collared a woman wiping the table opposite and began to outline the three hundred and seven ways £2.05 could be better…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 21, 2012 at 5:29pm — No Comments

6 Months

Betty is exactly six months old today. We celebrated this milestone by going to Baby Clinic for a weigh in. I know. Wild. You should've seen us the first time she rolled over. Celebrated by standing in the Post Office queue. Those mentalists really know how to PAR-TAY.
To commemorate Boo's half year, we decided to turn up for the clinic early. We usually rack up at 3pm and blend right in with the other last minute waifs and strays who shuffle in wearing their pyjamas and…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 20, 2012 at 7:09pm — No Comments

Mother's Day

As a kid, I used to ask my Mum on Mother's Day (considerate like), when it was Children's Day.
"Everyday is Children's Day." she would say with a smile. This would go over my head, until one day at about thirteen years old, I discovered the passive aggressive vocal slight of hand that is sarcasm, and in turn a new found respect for her.
A…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 19, 2012 at 9:55am — No Comments

Mother's Day

To My Mummy


Happy First Mother's Day


You are the best Mummy in the whole of all the world. You are funny and nice and pretty and kind.
If there was someone I really liked…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 18, 2012 at 5:24pm — No Comments

Virgin Media

IMG-20120314-00296

Current TV: "Keeping your finger on the pulse. Sometimes."

Added by My Funny Mummy on March 17, 2012 at 4:20am — No Comments

Churning

Bored?
Why not look after a six month old while hacking your way through a particularly violent episode of food poisoning?


The bubbling, heaving, aching, retching explosions will leave you on the edge of your (loo) seat. Wiping both ends frantically while shaking viciously will whip…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 16, 2012 at 2:03pm — No Comments

The Park

The pressure is on for me to pull something impressive out of my parenting bag, what with us edging ever closer to Mother's Day. Of course, the fresh energy I have injected into the childcare provision I offer is in direct response to Betty's developing abilities and maturing awareness and most certainly not for the due acknowledgement of her Dad, who will be at the helm of all present buying for the forseeable.…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 15, 2012 at 4:22pm — No Comments

Getting Nearer...

In case you haven't noticed, I'm not a 'glass half full' sort of girl. I'm more a 'glass contents completely evaporated before I even put the bloody thing to my lips and now someone's flicked a dead fly in the bottom of it' sort of gal. Most happy people (or losers, as I like to call them), think of me as a miserable, moaning, bad tempered wretch. No. I'm a realist. Aimless smiling is for wimps and weirdos.

So when my boss called today to discuss my return to work in June, I realised…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 14, 2012 at 5:57am — No Comments

Toys

We were recently given a Mothercare voucher for Betty. We haven't bought her many toys ourselves, what with
a) us being proper dead tight
b) her previously only being capable of sleeping, eating and firing off corking sacks of excrement
c) Dave being unemployed and consequently us being…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on March 13, 2012 at 6:44am — No Comments

Netmums Kindmums Campaign

My Funny Mummy supports the Netmums United Kindmums Campaign. Sort of.

http://youtu.be/Q86uALnk1Hk

Full post click here

Added by My Funny Mummy on March 12, 2012 at 5:19am — No Comments

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