My Funny Mummy's Blog – April 2012 Archive (29)

Burn Baby Burn

I'm in a cafe. I want to warm baby food. I politely request a cup/jug/bowl of boiling water.

The woman on the till stares back at me aghast, revolted, amazed. Did I just black out? Oh God. I've just run in the back and cracked off a massive, acidic, sticky, poorly tummied poo in her Louis Vuitton handbag, haven't I? People tend not to like that. I look to Dave, who shakes his head reassuringly.

Confidence restored, I press on. "Boiling water?"

Shaking her head ferociously, she…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on April 9, 2012 at 12:07pm — No Comments

Bunny Dump

Hang on one minute. Let's just have a look at what the Hell has gone on here.
I poo right. Who doesn't. And my hilarious parents think it's dead funny to make a massive song and dance about my excretions every time I pass even the tiniest of nugs. Pathetic, but I've learnt to let it go over my head. Usually, I just be a bit sick on them and that distracts them into a "Oh no! She's puked on my new…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on April 8, 2012 at 4:19am — No Comments

Happy First Easter

Happy first Easter Boo!

Me and Dad hope the Easter Bunny brings you lots of eggs and treats - and if you have ANY TROUBLE WHATSOEVER getting through all those tasty nibbles, we'll do our best to help you out. We're good like that. (You have no problem allowing us to dispose of your chocolately load on any other day of the year, so let's not make Easter any exception thank you.)

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Added by My Funny Mummy on April 7, 2012 at 4:02pm — No Comments

Name

In our bid to become more sociable, affable and generally less dislikeable beings, Boo and I took ourselves out into the world yet again today to learn more about how to function as pleasant members of society.

We entered the room to a chorus of tuts, sniggers and universal eye rolling. Clearly, a good handful of these people had experienced us before. Sitting in a circle with our babies, the group leader asked for each Mum to introduce herself, then her baby, and then explain why we…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on April 6, 2012 at 3:15am — No Comments

Orchard Chicken

Hello everyone. My name is My Funny Mummy, and I'm a revolting person...
Okay, what I'm going to tell you IS bad. I know it is. I'm a ashamed. But I just wasn't thinking. Remember that.


Boo had been asleep in her cot, so I had removed her bib. When she woke, I popped on her shoes and…
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Added by My Funny Mummy on April 5, 2012 at 4:50am — No Comments

Baby Massage

Due to building works, we had to park seven miles away. Betty was asleep. And it was CHUCKING IT DOWN. "I'll carry her in the car seat," I thought in a kindly, Mum-ish, unusually selfless moment.

When I last toted Boo about in her car seat she weighed slightly more than an empty crisp bag. Evidently, that was a looooooong time ago. With my blond hair and (not so) rippling muscles I fought my…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on April 4, 2012 at 4:18pm — No Comments

No Pain, No Gain

She wants to show affection. I get it. It's cute. I suppose.

When The Poop wants to give you a kiss, she means business. And the only way she knows she can guarantee hitting the target that is YOUR FACE is to snatch hold of a huuuuge hand full of neck, shoulder or cheek and drag you into her field of attack.

Love you Dad.

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Added by My Funny Mummy on April 3, 2012 at 5:27am — No Comments

Fairground Frolics

Took Boo for a walk round Southport.

Wandered along the prom and round the boating lake, then went for a stroll over to the 'revamped' fair.

If by 'revamped' I mean smaller, more expensive and containing markedly less litter bins, then it has definitely been revamped. Happily, this revamp did not extend to the choice of CD's blaring from the rides. NOW25 grassed the new vibe right up, with 2Unlimited, Tasmin Archer and 4 Non Blondes ensuring that 1993 was never far…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on April 2, 2012 at 2:15pm — No Comments

Stick It Where It Doesn't Shine

Weird sky.

A big orange blob appeared in the blue stuff above us early doors this week and lasted till about Friday.

On the plus side it made everything shiny and warm and bright. It made the bottles Mum can't be bothered heating taste much nicer. And it put her in a really good mood; this week she opened the curtains, trialled smiling before 11am and even GOT DRESSED once. I kid you not.

But. The hot sky dot does present a few 'issues'. (I'm only six months old, but Mum has…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on April 1, 2012 at 3:59pm — No Comments

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