My Funny Mummy's Blog (217)

Beach

Sand is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. But you know this. In fact, so all consuming is my fascination with this sedimentary sensation, Mum and Dad threw me on a cramped, stuffy, budget airline flight for four and a half hours to indulge my gritty interest further. And while their purse strings didn't stretch to transport suitable for those in possession of limbs, their valiant endeavours resulted in me spending a whole week on a 'beach'.…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on November 4, 2012 at 2:36pm — No Comments

Come Fly With Me

I must have done something good in a past life (I am far too cynical and selfish for it to be due to anything I've done in this one) because, THANK THE LORD, The Poop slept for around three hours of the four we were in flight. Now, before I get stuck into today's moan, hear this - I'm glad she slept. I'm grateful she slept. I understand that it could have been a damned sight worse. But.

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Added by My Funny Mummy on October 28, 2012 at 6:01pm — No Comments

Stuck Record

My musical tastes are fairly eclectic.

In the right mood, I can enjoy Frank Sinatra, Green Day, Aqua. I know certain Disney soundtracks off by heart (the cool ones, not just The Little Mermaid) and I am more than happy for my Micra to screech onto Morrisons car park with Joe Dolce blaring. Gilbert O'Sullivan, Spice Girls, Queen, Dizzee Rascal, June Carter Cash, T'Pau; if it's one of those days, they're all fair game.

Yet never, ever, have I felt the urge to belt out the theme tune…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on October 8, 2012 at 4:26pm — No Comments

Betty's Birthday

Betty is one year old.
And I, unsurprisingly, am not at my target post natal weight. Bloody Domino's.
On the plus side, there has been a notable improvement on the condition of my genitals when compared with this time last year (my undercarriage now in fine fettle - incontinence and raging haemorrhoids aside - thanks for asking.)
Full post www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on October 3, 2012 at 5:44pm — No Comments

Ideas and Bus Stations

We went for a walk in Lymm. 

Lymm's posh. Posey. No dog poo about. A bit la-di-da. 

The sort of place where you tell people in work you went for a walk - because just by having been there, you must by association, a Good Person. Their bus stops look like this:

The bus stops by us aren't wooden - there are a garish yellow tubular metal. Which means they aren't burnt to the ground, and as added bonus, you have the opportunity to receive a quick lesson in the most fashionable…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on September 4, 2012 at 4:40am — No Comments

Night Terrors

I know, FOR A FACT, this sort of thing does not happen to everyone.
But, please God, tell me it happens to a least a very occasional few; even the tiniest, most minute, mentally scarred, esteem bereft, negligible fraction of the world population - so I know it isn't just me.
Full post www.myfunnymummy.org

Added by My Funny Mummy on September 3, 2012 at 3:04pm — No Comments

'Nursery'

I should be looked after by my own Mother or at least by my Nan, who has been bailing Mum out a couple of days a week since January. I should not be foisted upon the well-intentioned, stimulating, encouraging, highly qualified educational professionals she so heartlessly ditched me with. Sure, I've made friends with groups of engaging, amusing, wholly congenial children of my own age. One of them tells really funny jokes, and I don't know any yet, well, except the ones he told me.…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on September 2, 2012 at 7:49am — No Comments

Nursery Practise 2

Clearly the excitement of returning/the opportunity to break her mother's heart prevented her from having her lunchtime nap, so, shattered and unable to fight it any longer, she finally dozed off in the back of the car on the way there, at exactly 13:27 - three minutes before she was due inside the building. Good stuff. I plucked The Poop's lolling body from her car seat, and cuddled her, head on my shoulder, fast asleep, across the car park. …

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Added by My Funny Mummy on September 1, 2012 at 5:13pm — No Comments

Wearing Shades

1) Select a frame which suits your face shape and personality. Sure, you want to come across as quirky and fun, but at all costs, avoid an 'Elton John' inspired selection. Comparisons to the camp, wigged up, ageing pop star are inevitable, regardless…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 31, 2012 at 3:13pm — No Comments

Wearing Shades

1) Select a frame which suits your face shape and personality. Sure, you want to come across as quirky and fun, but at all costs, avoid an 'Elton John' inspired selection. Comparisons to the camp, wigged up, ageing pop star are inevitable, regardless…

Continue

Added by My Funny Mummy on August 31, 2012 at 3:13pm — No Comments

Happy Blogday Birth

It's funny this blog. And not just the side-splittingly hilarious sort of a quick 'ha ha' funny (although, *mwah* thanks for noticing); but funny odd.

Every day, it's there. Hanging round like an eggy trump that refuses to waft away. Mithering me while I'm trying to load the dishwasher ("what you gonna write about?"), while I'm eating my tea ("what you gonna write about?), while I'm fobbing off the Avon lady ("what you gonna write about? Eh? Well? You've had all day,…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 30, 2012 at 4:39pm — No Comments

Parting

I have just discovered, while towel drying (incredibly carefully) the seven follicles atop The Poop's pate, that seemingly over night, she has sprouted enough hair to HAVE. A. PARTING.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Full post www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on August 29, 2012 at 5:37pm — No Comments

Parting

I have just discovered, while towel drying (incredibly carefully) the seven follicles atop The Poop's pate, that seemingly over night, she has sprouted enough hair to HAVE. A. PARTING.
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

Full post www.myfunnymummy.org x

Added by My Funny Mummy on August 29, 2012 at 5:37pm — No Comments

Baby Book 2

There it is. Amid the pile of 'Stuff I'll Get Round To Shortly'. You can just see it, peeping out from beneath the unwritten Christening 'Thank You' cards that should have gone out in April. 

Let's have a look inside it. Yep. Untouched since that February post.

This, ladies and gentlemen, categorically and undeniably proves I'm the carefree, cool, nonchalant, easy going mother I always knew I could be. Kerchiiiing! It might even mean I'm not a weirdo…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 28, 2012 at 5:49pm — No Comments

Nursery Practise

She would be upset. I knew that. After almost a year of my daily guidance, love, support and tuition, being left in the care of lesser human beings was always going to be a shock to her system. Still, the trade off for not being in my sublime company is the opportunity for her to become more adaptable, mature, sociable and have greater confidence in her own abilities. Okay, so it's not a fair trade, but again, that's another life lesson that'll stand her in good stead. Turns out abandonment…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 27, 2012 at 5:33pm — No Comments

Bother

It's boring in our house.
My naturally inquisitive young mind is keen to explore, test, challenge and understand. Yet my investigations are stopped in their tracks and as a result, my long term intellectual growth is impaired by my miserable sod of a mother.
Full post

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 26, 2012 at 5:10pm — No Comments

Horribly Nice

Nah. I don't like it. I'm sorry. It's just too weird.

Whatever happened to the dog that was scheduled to urinate up the side of the pram as we ate? How come one of my bra wires didn't work loose and subsequently focus all its attention on attempting to saw my whole body in half as I ambled around the shops? I wasn't even offered ONE TINY OPPORTUNITY TO WASTE THREE OR FOUR MINUTES COMPLETING MARKET RESEARCH/A SLIP, TRIP OR FALL CLAIM/BEING INTERVIEW ABOUT MY CAVITY WALL INSULATION…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 25, 2012 at 10:42am — No Comments

Sugar Anniversary

Six years ago today, I married David Michael Briars.

If it hadn't been for this very day, six years ago:

I would still receive post addressed to 'Miss Catherine Balls'/'Miss Catherine Bowels' - neither of which, not once in six years, have I ever missed

The washing basket would fill up much more slowly

I would waste less cups of tea

Full post…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 24, 2012 at 3:14am — No Comments

No

Every parent has to expect it; I just didn't expect it yet.

In my mind's eye I pictured heated stand offs with The Poop when she's fourteen years old (where she gets upset about the fact that I still call her The Poop, and I tell her I find it funny, and because the world is a cruel, unfair place, she's just going to have to deal with it).

I did not ever anticipate ROWING (that's the argumentative version of that word - not the athletic one - otherwise what a very different post…

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Added by My Funny Mummy on August 23, 2012 at 3:06am — No Comments

Beauteous Boo

Just try and tell me that that is not the cutest, prettiest, most charming and delightfully adorable little face you have ever laid eyes on. And she isn't even trying.
www.myfunnymummy.org

Added by My Funny Mummy on August 22, 2012 at 2:59pm — No Comments

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