Sooooo, yesterday I opened my big mouth and told you I’d be posting before and after bikini photos of myself today. Then I pressed ‘publish,’ had a small aneurysm, and fell under my desk. Anyway, you’ve probably checked out the photos by now so let me get right to the point before my in-laws call and beg me to drop my married name from this blog.… Continue

Ben and I spent a good chunk of our weekend purchasing storage containers and dumping the contents of our bedroom closets into the center of the room. You guys, our marriage? What can I say? David Copperfield called, and he wants his magic back.



I also cleaned and organized Whitney and Heidi’s room. I placed four Rubbermaid bins outside their door and labeled them: Keep, Donate, Toss, and Send Out for… Continue

I haven’t been to the dentist in four years. Now, I realize some of you just read that sentence and went slack-jawed and wide-eyed as if I told you I grind up puppies in a food mill. I’m quite aware that in some social circles, missing four years of dental appointments is akin to setting libraries on fire. But in my defense, I don’t particularly care for dental exams, which I feel is reason enough to let my teeth rot-out. That, and my mom is… Continue

We’ve recently introduced a new show into our TV watching repertoire called Surviving the Cut. We happened by this show somewhat unintentionally, since I had initially mistook it for some kind of reality-dance-audition-series. I’d DVR’d it, anticipating an hour of leg warmers and men in butt-tight, cutoff sweat pants rolled up into their nether regions. But instead of watching some coked-up choreographer shouting, ‘People...and five, six, seven, eight...!’ we ended up watching US… Continue

You’ve heard those jokes before. The jokes that start out with religious leaders walking into a bar and end in some off-color punchline revolving around body parts or selling hair, right? O.K., maybe those aren’t the most common punchlines, but it’s not like I’m really listening anyway, since I can never get past the idea of religious clerics [often of, at times, estranged religions] spending cocktail hour together. Because wouldn’t it be world altering if religious leaders… Continue

I picked up these earrings a few weeks ago at The Limited while Lexi and I were out school shopping. They were on sale for $6.99, which I easily covered with the $23.00 of The Limited in-store credit I’d been carrying around in my wallet for the last ten years. TEN years. I can only imagine the look on Whitney’s teacher’s face if I were to mention that, I know I promptly misplaced that bright, yellow…

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Have I ever told you the story about the time I hid in Ben’s roommate’s closet for two hours white knuckling a baseball bat? Anyone [pause], anyone remember...no? Because I’d hate to repeat myself and risk sounding like a nagger. A repeater is like a nagger, and no one likes a nagger, however, sometimes a nagger must repeatedly remind a certain somebody to buy lemons on his way home because the last time a certain somebody wasn’t nagged at, the… Continue

We were all up earlier than...well, you'd just hate me if I told you the last time we were up early enough to watch the 'Wake-Up' news. What can I say? Our kids don't wake-up before 8 a.m. And I realize mentioning this is a little like skinny people complaining that they can't keep the weight on and don't workout, and they eat whatever it is their little hearts desire. So yes, my kids are good sleepers. However, I can't consumer dubious… Continue