Jennifer Marshall's Blog – January 2012 Archive (9)

Time Flies When You're Nucking Futs!!!

It's so hard to believe that this month celebrates THREE awesome years of writing my little Nucking Futs Mama blog.  This right here is my 642nd published post, y'all!  Holy crap, that's a lot of rambling, isn't it??!

And since there's no red carpet roll-out or awards show ceremony to commemorate this monumental occasion (*snark*),…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 31, 2012 at 10:58am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Your cabin fever's reached Code Red when you're jealous of the squirrels outside breathing in all that fresh, freezing cold air.

** Trying to work a crossword puzzle when you're tired just makes you feel stupid.  And tired.

** I've washed my hands so many times over the past few days that I may no longer have fingerprints.

**…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 27, 2012 at 10:32am — No Comments

The Evolution of Sleep Deprivation

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the dreadful toll motherhood has taken on my sleeping patterns.  Little by little, I'm starting to realize that this sleep deprivation shit is just a never-ending, vicious cycle that nobody ever REALLY tells you about.  Evidently, it never really goes away but just presents itself in different forms along the way, starting from the time…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 25, 2012 at 10:17am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** An Eskimo is something I could never ever be.

** You know it's cold when the geese are saying "Let's get the HELL outta here!!!!" as they fly overhead.

** I need a restraining order for the insomnia that continues to stalk me.

** Trying to get a third grader to work on a research project is about as easy as trying to get a mime…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 20, 2012 at 10:17am — No Comments

The Breakfast Buzz Kills



Do you ever wanna just walk away from your kids in public and act like you don't know who the hell they are?  No?  Surely that's not just me.  Call me Mommy Dearest if you will, but when my kids have a brain fart and act like complete Neanderthals who've never heard of manners, I sometimes think it would be easier to point and stare and pretend like I'm disgusted by the horrible excuse…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 19, 2012 at 10:26am — 1 Comment

Things I've Learned This Week

** Skinny celebrities who say they get their cardio by "chasing their kids around" are more full of shit than my backyard.

** I don't have a few new leaves to turn over -- I have a whole damn PILE.

** Victoria's Secret catalogs that arrive in the dead of January when we're all a little heftier from the holidays can suck…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 13, 2012 at 11:22am — No Comments

Trust the Gut

I may not know what the hell I'm doing half the time with this whole parenting gig, but one thing that I have learned from experience is to trust my gut when it comes to my kids.  (After all, they're the ones who are responsible for making it a lot less flat than it used to be).  So if my gut is telling me that my daughter is, in fact, sick, I'm sure as shit gonna listen to…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 10, 2012 at 10:57am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** If a day ever went by where a kid HADN'T peed on a toilet seat here, I'd swear I was in the wrong house.

** I seriously could not be more unorganized.

** Everybody needs a mental health day.  (Still waiting impatiently to cash in on mine....)

** Homework supervision is totally interfering with my tweeting and…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 6, 2012 at 11:36am — 1 Comment

The New Year's Guinea Pig Attack

The older I get, the more I realize that New Year's Eve is totally overrated.  I mean, seriously, what's the point of getting all dolled up to spend a shit-ton of money to fight a bunch of annoying crowds to risk being hit by a drunk driver and to then be disappointed that the night wasn't nearly as fabulous as you'd hoped it would be?  That's why my husband and I made the executive decision many moons ago to just stay home and have our own little family party to ring in the new…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 4, 2012 at 10:48am — No Comments

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