Jennifer Marshall's Blog – February 2012 Archive (8)

Things I've Learned This Week

** If I ever turn up missing, a vineyard in Sonoma is most likely where you'll find me.

** My daughter thinks I was born in 1818.  Seriously, she asked if that was my birth year.  WTF?!

** Entirely too many people think they have the right of way.

** Elementary School Open House could also be referred to as Nuts on a Stick. …


Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 24, 2012 at 8:09pm — No Comments

My 80s Fro

Don't you just love how candid kids can be?  Especially when it comes at your own personal expense?  Just think how awesome it would be if, as adults, we could say exactly what we think and have people chuckle and say how darn cute we are.  Unfortunately, however, we'd most likely end up getting our asses kicked and be unfriended by every single person we know on Facebook.

Luckily, for my daughter, it's still pretty hilarious when she asks me why my boobs aren't "as big as…


Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 23, 2012 at 9:22am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** A lovely Valentine's morning can quickly turn to a red and pink poop storm when you're a parent.

** If the smell of your own morning breath is making you gag, you know it's time to brush those pearly whites.

** I always seem to park in the spot where some lazy jackhole has left his unreturned shopping cart.

** Cookie bouquets…


Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 18, 2012 at 11:53am — No Comments

What Would Mrs. Garrett Do?

Parenthood, we have a problem.  My sweet baby girl has gone off the deep end.  Even though she's only eight years old, I'm seriously considering enrolling her in Maury Povich's boot camp.  Or a chain gang.  Or both.  Cause seriously?  This shit's gotta stop.  The kid has been sent to the principal's office not once but TWICE in one week, and one of those times was on…


Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 15, 2012 at 1:27pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Bloating and cramping are God's way of saying, "Sucks to be you!!!"

** Giselle Bundchen needs to be introduced to the wonderful world of duct tape.

** A rotten bag of mushrooms makes your…


Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 10, 2012 at 10:51am — No Comments

Ain't Too Proud To Beg

Dear God,

Obviously, I love my kids with every little fiber of my being, but I swear to,, actually, that they're involved in some sort of conspiracy theory to drive me straight to the loony bin.  Seriously, if I didn't know any better, I'd think they'd bought stock in Crazy Town, which is clearly where I'll be residing soon enough.  Any potential…


Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 8, 2012 at 4:52pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week


** A healthy household makes for a happy mama.

** My kids are HUGE fans of "skip the shower" nights.

** If my purse contained as much money as it does crap, I would be a very rich lady.

** Asparagus = awesome.  Asparagus pee…


Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 3, 2012 at 10:37am — No Comments

Maybe My Parents Knew What They Were Doing

Remember when you were growing up and you said you'd never ever do to your own children the things your parents did to you?  Perhaps it was a vow you made to yourself in the midst of snot and tears as you slammed the door of your room so hard that it nearly shattered the windows?  Well, my sixteen-year-old self would probably punch me in the face for doing so, but here's me admitting…


Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 2, 2012 at 1:32pm — No Comments

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