** Kids pick the most awesomely inopportune times to take a dump.
** Summer = an impromptu game of kick-the-can on a random Monday night.
** Goatdog is about to become a street dog.
** I wouldn't do well in that Little House on the Prairie.
** If Tuesday and Wednesday had a Facebook page, I would NOT…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 29, 2011 at 1:11pm — No Comments
When your kids are eerily quiet for any extended period of time, nine times out of ten it's because they're trying to burn your house down. But every once in a blue moon, the stars all align, and the pip squeaks somehow actually manage to..... *gasp*..... play quite nicely together. Sure, you might have to pay them for that momentary bit of peace and quiet, but we…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 26, 2011 at 11:16am — No Comments
** Naked is evidently the way to go this summer.
** As much as I love my husband, I really don't think I'd tackle someone trying to throw a pie in his face.
** Chopsticks actually help get my kids to eat their veggies.
** My son thinks I'm a car and driver expert.
** I am NOT a car and driver…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 22, 2011 at 10:10am — No Comments
If you've ever wondered where all the germs go to party, I'm pretty sure I figured out their favorite stomping ground. Just visit any given water park, and you'll surely find a whole gaggle of germ dudes and germ dudettes gettin' their freak on. How do I know this? Cause my family just spent this past weekend at one, and I've got the mental scars (and the super sexy fever…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 20, 2011 at 10:12am — No Comments
Dear Liquor Store,
Perhaps you may have heard some rumblings about the impending summer vacation that's about to pounce on the town here any day now. Yes, kids will soon be out terrorizing the streets and pimping lemonade hardcore on every effing corner. They will be changing their clothes 357 times a day, thereby creating even more…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 3:35pm — No Comments
(This story must be prefaced with the fact that it was nothing short of a miracle to get my son to write anything in school at all. His poor teacher had to practically hypnotize him to get any kind of writing topics to emerge from his little brain. So yeah, this story's about a giant turd, but hey, at least the kid wrote a story, right??!!)
Once upon a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 3:34pm — No Comments
So if you're anything like me, you're trying your damnedest to find something for your kids to do so that they don't kill each other over summer vacation. And that "something" would preferably be an activity that keeps 'em occupied for a long stretch of time, perhaps even long enough for Mama to have a well-deserved glass of wine and maybe even *gasp* take a pee in…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 3:32pm — No Comments
** Cruise control scares the shit out of me.
** When you travel with kids, it's a trip. When you travel without them, it's a vacation.
** 99.9% of the water at water parks is a combination of urine and ick. Probably.
** Trying to get your kids to sleep at a water park is like trying to get a nun to pole…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2011 at 1:30pm — No Comments