It's a dirty job, but, unfortunately, somebody's gotta do it. And this weekend? Well, I was the one who got stuck being the bad cop. Cause short people lying straight to my face is just not something that I take too lightly.
It all went down on Sunday, which was an unfortunate flurry of activity around here with the kids coming off the high…Continue
** We actually made it to the beginning of the school year without my kids stabbing each other!!
** New backpacks make everything more exciting.
** My son can evidently make his leg fart. (I'm so proud.)
** I can't even watch the previews for scary movies anymore.
** I'm raising the king and queen of…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 26, 2011 at 10:14am — No Comments
Kids sure have a way of (figuratively) punching you right in the gut when you least expect it, don't they? Their unassuming words can wash a blanket of guilt right over you in nothing flat. And before you know it, you're feeling like the suckiest parent in the world and saving your pennies for the future therapy that your kid will inevitably need thanks to…Continue
** My world is just a series of pee splatters and poo.
** It's a true challenge not to laugh when telling your eight year old how inappropriate it is to yell "cocks".
** Throwing food can be liberatingly fun.
** Pretending to be stupid so you can cut in line is sooooooo not cool.
** Some sick a-hole had…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 19, 2011 at 10:50am — No Comments
When you're a dog owner, like it or not, scooping the poop kinda just goes with the territory -- at least it's supposed to anyway. And unlike some of the other yahoos around here, I would personally never leave a steaming pile of lawn sausages in my neighbor's front yard. It's just not the neighborly thing to do. Now do I enjoy picking up a handful of…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 16, 2011 at 12:57pm — No Comments
** Someone should come up with a Beano for brain farts.
** Motherhood is no place for migraines.
** Our water bill's gonna be $10,000 this month, thanks to my son's obsession with the hose.
** Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, is louder than the volume of a carpool of short people.
** Digging for your keys…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 12, 2011 at 8:53am — No Comments
Unlike the back-assward days of the 1950s, I, for one, do not always believe that Father knows best. However, as much as it might pain me, I've gotta give credit where credit is due. And sometimes, every once in a blue moon, my husband actually comes up with a semi-brilliant parenting strategy.
Like many households, getting our kids ready for bed at night…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 11, 2011 at 9:49am — No Comments
See this shirt right here? I sooooo totally need this shirt. Because this sums up my life to a tee (pun intended). Who knew that such a cute little creature could shit this friggin' much? I don't know about you, but I most certainly did not. Yes, I bet our friend Patches drops at least one turd every thirty seconds. I swear the bottom of his cage looks like a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 9, 2011 at 9:41am — No Comments
** I am evidently NOT Tim "The Toolman" Taylor.
** The Coupon Suzy lady scares the absolute hell out of me.
** 2 AM looks WAY different than it used to.
** I really need to start slippin' Immodium A-D to the birds around my house.
I'm sure most of us have given our cell phones to our kids at some point or another to entertain them (i.e. shut them the hell up) while we run errands, right? And really, the worst that can happen is that we end up with a gazillion kids' game apps or an unexpected alarm going off at 3 AM (I speak from experience, y'all). However, who woulda thunk that the REAL danger…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 4, 2011 at 1:13pm — No Comments
Know the great thing about getting older? No? Well, me neither! There's certainly not a whole lot that I find entertaining about the wrinkles, the aches and pains, the eye baggage, the gray hairs, the sleeplessness, and worst of all, the damn hot flashes! Seriously, is this the kind of thanks we get for shooting the future of America out of our uterus way back…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 2, 2011 at 10:20am — No Comments