** Mother Nature forgot to take her meds once again.

** People who only write inspirational quotes for their Facebook status scare me.

** If you're a random piece of crap, you're probably sitting on my kitchen counter.

** Everything should be pumpkin-flavored this time of year.

**…

I don't know about you, but sometimes, I can't help but laugh my buns off when my kids are throwing an all-out fit.  They just look so incredibly ridiculous to me as they're wailing and screaming and flailing themselves about the floor.  In fact, I've even videotaped one of my daughter's tantrums to show her just what an asshole looks like in action.  Of course, she doesn't find it…

You know how every once in a while, you have one of those parenting moments which you wish you could just freeze-frame forever?  They can be few and far between, but that's probably what makes 'em so darn special.  Well, I was lucky enough to have one of those "this is what it's all about" memories this past weekend.

The setting was my son's…

** Straws make everything taste better.

** "Everybody hurts" when you post pictures of your penis.  (Did you hear that, Michael Stipe??!!)

** Embarrassing moments hunt me down like a bear in the woods.

** My…

If you've been following my blog for any length of time, you know by now that Goatdog and I have a love/hate relationship.  Sure, he may look cute and all, but don't let that fool ya for even one little second:

He is the Tazmanian Devil disguised as an Airedale.  You'd see just what I mean if you were to watch him in action when someone approaches our front…

What?  You mean you don't have a son who likes to shop at Bed, Bath & Beyond?  Really?  Well, believe it or not, mine does.  Perhaps it's because he's the type of kid, bless his unique little heart, who gets fixated on totally random objects.  Lord knows why, but his latest fascination is a black, plastic clip-on fan, which he apparently saw on a recent laundry basket…

** I don't fit into an elementary school desk quite like I did back in the day.

** "Pocket Frogs" for the iPhone has totally possessed my kids.

** Dark chocolate has totally possessed me.

** Charlie Sheen finally…

There are certain people you come across in life who just always make you smile.  They are able to see the glass as half full and bring positivity wherever they go -- kinda like a ray of sunshine on an otherwise cloudy day.  You can't help but to admire and respect these people cause they make you want to be a better person yourself.

My friend, Sari, is one of these amazing people.  I am in constant awe of her optimism, courage and strength.  She somehow juggles three kids,…

** Nobody ever forewarns you about all the skid marks of motherhood (and I do mean that LITERALLY).

** My kids have more energy than Richard Simmons on cocaine.

** Screaming is evidently my son's new favorite hobby.

** I sure know how to waste a crapload of time.

** Sleeping with the window open totally…

As overly cautious as we are about protecting our children these days, it's a wonder any of us survived our own childhoods of yesteryear.  Heck, many of us probably rode home from the hospital on our moms' laps IN THE FRONT SEAT OF THE CAR (without a seat belt, no doubt)!!  All this fragility makes me wonder if our kids are missing out on some of the good…

** School was, like, the greatest invention ever.

** Once again, homework can seriously suck it.

** I don't do math without my smashed grapes.

** Camping is so much more enjoyable when I don't have to be a part of it.

** My daughter's room smells like a pig took a shit in a sauna.

** The Fanta…

To some people, this necklace might look like something the Malibu Barbie serial killer would wear.  But to MY group of friends?  Well, this fine piece of craftsmanship is something to be treasured -- at least until you anonymously pass it along to the next unsuspecting girl.

It all started last year when it was used as a prop in a very creative…