Jennifer Marshall's Blog (285)

Things I've Learned This Week

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** I constantly feel like I'm forgetting to do something.



** And most likely, I am.



** In my next life, I'm coming back as a…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 9, 2014 at 1:08pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** The world needs more creative photobombers.



** If you drive like Mario Andretti through a parking lot full of kids, you're a giant jackass.



** Winter is…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 2, 2014 at 10:14am — No Comments

Wedding Crasher Fail



Ever since I saw the crazy fun that Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson had crashing all those weddings on the big screen, I've been dying to try it.  And this past weekend, I finally got my long-awaited chance!  However, I…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 1, 2014 at 10:11am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Goatdog likes wine, which makes total sense since he is my dog.



** If it's not written down, it's not getting done.…



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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 18, 2014 at 10:22am — No Comments

Happy Birthday to Me

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Cue the red carpet, marching band, and fireworks, y'all, cause today is my birthday! Yippee!  But let's be real here, people -- I'm a mom, and we all know what that means. I'll be schlepping screaming kids from Point A to Point B, scrubbing skid marks out of little undies, and turning to my friend Google to help…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 16, 2014 at 10:32am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Jet lag is not really the vacation souvenir I had in mind.



** Even the eyes in the back of my head have bags underneath them.



** Just…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 11, 2014 at 10:21am — No Comments

They Don't Call It the Red Eye for Nothin'

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If your husband tries to talk you into flying the red-eye with your kids at the end of a family vacation, don't fall for it.  He may try to reassure you that your kids will sleep on the plane, and all will be fine.  But trust me, it will be anything but fine.  And the only person who will be sleeping on the plane will be your…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 10, 2014 at 1:17pm — No Comments

The Grocery Store: Gathering Place for Jackholes

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Going to the grocery store is definitely not my idea of a good time.  Sure it's nice when your kids are FINALLY old enough that you don't have to drag them with you every time you need to run out for a loaf of bread.  A few minutes of alone time can do wonders for the sanity.  However, a quick trip to the store can very…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 26, 2014 at 2:01pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Winter is officially "over" -- and I'll believe it when I see it.



** The Tooth Fairy's gonna have to start leaving IOU's if my twins don't go to bed earlier at night.…



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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 21, 2014 at 10:14am — No Comments

Goatdog and the Pizza Man Incident

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Most of you know by now that our Goatdog is one crazy son of a bitch (literally -- cause, you know, he's a DOG).  He's body-slammed himself through a glass door, eaten my kitchen chairs, and taken a giant dump right in the middle of a dinner party.  And he absolutely loses his mind if a strange man is on our…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 20, 2014 at 10:17am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Parting your hair on the opposite side feels like wearing your shoes on the opposite feet.



** Siri evidently hates me.



** When your boy/girl twins share a bathroom, your…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 14, 2014 at 1:58pm — No Comments

The Perks of Being a Mom

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It's no secret that parenting is hands-down one of THE hardest jobs on the planet.  There are days when you love it and days when you want to turn in your notice and walk right out the door.  The pay is…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 13, 2014 at 10:01am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** I'm not good at getting lucky.



** Child labor is more expensive than it used to be.



** A little piece of me dies every time people "REPLY…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 7, 2014 at 4:36pm — No Comments

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

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I honestly don't know where the time has gone, but apparently, I blinked, and my kids are old enough to have the "sex talk" in school.  I know -- crazy, right??!!!!  Yep, the wonder of the ol' reproductive system has currently been the hot topic of fifth grade…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 6, 2014 at 10:03am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** The noise in my house is often so LOUD that I could walk out and nobody would even notice.

** It would be AWESOME to still get care packages every now and then like we did in college.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 28, 2014 at 1:30pm — No Comments

WTH, ABC Family??!!

My kids have always LOVED commercials.  Maybe it's because their dad works in advertising, or maybe it's because, unlike me, they never ever get tired of hearing the "Flipeez" theme song that seems to play on repeat between shows.  Whatever the case, when an ad pops up on the screen, my twins are completely riveted.  So when a totally inappropriate commercial was shown during a KID movie on…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 25, 2014 at 11:12am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** I wish my brain shut off as easily when I try to go to sleep as it does when I try to help my kids with their homework.

** Exhaustion is just NOT a good look on me.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 21, 2014 at 9:59am — No Comments

Something's Gotta Give

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As a parent, we're often so used to running on autopilot that we rarely ever even stop to think about why we're doing something.  We just continue to do it mindlessly, day after day after day.  Take, for instance, the gazillion and one loads of never-ending laundry and the gazillion and one loads of multiplying…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 19, 2014 at 10:29am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** If I held my breath for a big Valentine's Day surprise, I'd surely end up dead.

** A pre-shower naked dance is evidently becoming a nightly ritual around here.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 14, 2014 at 10:16am — No Comments

Google Is My Copilot

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Remember that show, "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?"  Well, it turns out, I'm apparently not.  You see, I happen to live with two of them, and I'm reminded of that fact nearly every friggin' night when I try to help them with their homework -- I swear we never learned ANY of this stuff until high…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 12, 2014 at 2:38pm — No Comments

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