Jennifer Marshall's Blog (276)

Goatdog and the Pizza Man Incident

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Most of you know by now that our Goatdog is one crazy son of a bitch (literally -- cause, you know, he's a DOG).  He's body-slammed himself through a glass door, eaten my kitchen chairs, and taken a giant dump right in the middle of a dinner party.  And he absolutely loses his mind if a strange man is on our…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 20, 2014 at 10:17am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Parting your hair on the opposite side feels like wearing your shoes on the opposite feet.



** Siri evidently hates me.



** When your boy/girl twins share a bathroom, your…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 14, 2014 at 1:58pm — No Comments

The Perks of Being a Mom

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It's no secret that parenting is hands-down one of THE hardest jobs on the planet.  There are days when you love it and days when you want to turn in your notice and walk right out the door.  The pay is…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 13, 2014 at 10:01am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** I'm not good at getting lucky.



** Child labor is more expensive than it used to be.



** A little piece of me dies every time people "REPLY…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 7, 2014 at 4:36pm — No Comments

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

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I honestly don't know where the time has gone, but apparently, I blinked, and my kids are old enough to have the "sex talk" in school.  I know -- crazy, right??!!!!  Yep, the wonder of the ol' reproductive system has currently been the hot topic of fifth grade…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 6, 2014 at 10:03am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** The noise in my house is often so LOUD that I could walk out and nobody would even notice.

** It would be AWESOME to still get care packages every now and then like we did in college.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 28, 2014 at 1:30pm — No Comments

WTH, ABC Family??!!

My kids have always LOVED commercials.  Maybe it's because their dad works in advertising, or maybe it's because, unlike me, they never ever get tired of hearing the "Flipeez" theme song that seems to play on repeat between shows.  Whatever the case, when an ad pops up on the screen, my twins are completely riveted.  So when a totally inappropriate commercial was shown during a KID movie on…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 25, 2014 at 11:12am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** I wish my brain shut off as easily when I try to go to sleep as it does when I try to help my kids with their homework.

** Exhaustion is just NOT a good look on me.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 21, 2014 at 9:59am — No Comments

Something's Gotta Give

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As a parent, we're often so used to running on autopilot that we rarely ever even stop to think about why we're doing something.  We just continue to do it mindlessly, day after day after day.  Take, for instance, the gazillion and one loads of never-ending laundry and the gazillion and one loads of multiplying…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 19, 2014 at 10:29am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** If I held my breath for a big Valentine's Day surprise, I'd surely end up dead.

** A pre-shower naked dance is evidently becoming a nightly ritual around here.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 14, 2014 at 10:16am — No Comments

Google Is My Copilot

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Remember that show, "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?"  Well, it turns out, I'm apparently not.  You see, I happen to live with two of them, and I'm reminded of that fact nearly every friggin' night when I try to help them with their homework -- I swear we never learned ANY of this stuff until high…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 12, 2014 at 2:38pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Snowblowers are the roosters of my neighborhood.

** Joe…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 7, 2014 at 8:07pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Whoever sent the Polar Vortex an invitation to return is in need of a good ass kicking.

** If I wanted to live in Antarctica, I would've moved to Antarctica.…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 31, 2014 at 1:38pm — No Comments

Suck It, Mother Nature

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I'd always thought that Mother Nature and I kind of had a connection -- you know with the whole "mother" thing and all.  But I'm really starting to think that she's falsely assumed her title because no mama in her right mind would make it so damn cold outside that kids are off school and trapped indoors for days on…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 29, 2014 at 10:20am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** If I looked like David Beckham, I'd be naked ALL the time.

** I'm a firm Belieber that Justin needs a big ol' time…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 24, 2014 at 10:21am — No Comments

Adults Behaving Badly

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Unfortunately, we hear on the news all the time about parents full-out losing their shit on the sidelines of their kids' sporting events.  A bad call can somehow turn supposed "adults" into the biggest meatheads on the planet.  It's both despicable and embarrassing. And I thought I'd seen some pretty horrific behavior…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 23, 2014 at 10:50am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Supervising a chain gang would be more enjoyable than supervising homework.

** The world needs a whole lot more Tina Fey & Amy Poehler.

** My…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 17, 2014 at 10:49pm — 1 Comment

Appreciating the Aha

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I've always believed that everything happens for a reason.  And though we often don't ever know the reason, sometimes, we get lucky enough to find out just why things happen the way that they do.  I LOVE those little "aha" moments.  They help to restore my faith and to reassure me that something greater IS actually in…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 15, 2014 at 1:11pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Cancer is a giant, life-stealing asshole.

**…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 10, 2014 at 5:19pm — No Comments

A Polar Vortex Punch of Reality

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Coming back from a family vacation is never a fun thing.  The packing, the travel, the crabby kids -- they all add up to one giant pain in the ass.  It pretty much makes you forget that you were even on vacation at all.  But this recent sucker punch back to reality after our New Year's trip to…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 9, 2014 at 11:30am — No Comments

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