** When people say, "Good morning!", I'm not quite sure how they assume that it's good.
** The government REALLY needs to get over its giant temper tantrum.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 4, 2013 at 9:55pm — No Comments
In my house, the poop and the fan need no introduction. They are quite familiar with each other, especially when my husband is out of town. Because that's precisely the time that things tend to go very wrong. And usually, it's right at bedtime -- you know, when I've had just about all the fun I can take for one…Continue
** It's too bad "Dexter" didn't have an alternative ending to make up for the super sucky one they showed us last Sunday night.
** I keep waving the white flag, but…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 27, 2013 at 3:31pm — No Comments
If you haven't heard of Rainbow Looms by now, well, then, you've probably been living under a rock. They are literally EVERYWHERE, and chances are, you may even be wearing one of the bracelets right now. My daughter and all her friends have been making them like it's their job, and my car could practically autopilot itself to Michael's to buy the replacement bands.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 25, 2013 at 12:02pm — No Comments
** I could open a wig shop with all the hair in the drain.
** The cooler weather's giving me that "Holy-Crap-My-Twins-Have-No-Pants-That-Fit-Them" feeling.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 20, 2013 at 10:22am — No Comments
With life constantly throwing reminders at me that my kids are, in fact, growing up (cell phones, sleepovers, bike riding to school -- EEK!), I often get swept up in the everyday craziness of just trying to keep up with it all. Half the time they don't want to talk to me, let alone listen to me, and,…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 19, 2013 at 11:05am — No Comments
** I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to myself. *itch* *scratch* *sniff*
** Erectile dysfunction commercials make me really…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 13, 2013 at 1:13pm — No Comments
One of the standing items on my "to-do" list for the past couple of years has been to get passports for my twins. (Cause ya just never know when you might need to skip the country, right?) I knew it was gonna be a huge hassle, which is the main reason I've put it off for so long. But, in true Nucking Futs…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 12, 2013 at 7:30pm — No Comments
** Apparently, hormones, cramps, and child birth weren't enough, so we have night sweats to add to all the fun.
** Goatdog likes Mammaw so much that he wants to eat her.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 6, 2013 at 6:03pm — No Comments
** The first week of back-to-school mornings are nuttier than squirrel poop.
** Nobody appreciates bedtime more than a parent.
** Mom guilt sucker punches me…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 30, 2013 at 5:47pm — No Comments
** School REALLY needs to start. Cause my patience has left the building.
** The smell of an amusement park is a compilation of B.O., grease, and ass.
** I'm not…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 24, 2013 at 11:44am — No Comments
** The reinforcements are apparently not showing up any time soon.
** If I had a dollar for every time I've answered the "Why do I HAVE to take a shower?"…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 16, 2013 at 4:09pm — No Comments
We all know that kids really don't have any kind of a filter when it comes to speaking their minds. The thoughts just tumble out of their mouths like the trash rolls out of my purse when it falls over. They don't mean to hurt your feelings -- they just call it like they see it. For example, when they say I have a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 15, 2013 at 8:54pm — No Comments
** It's gotta be a scientific fact that kids are 10 times crazier in the summer.
** Kicking your own ass is harder than having someone else kick it for you.
** I'm not above napping in public.
** Someone needs to punch me the next time I decide that 4 weeks without summer camp is a good idea.
** Since we didn't win…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 9, 2013 at 10:21am — No Comments
When I'm driving around a carpool of screaming ten-year-old girls, it's sometimes hard not to wanna drive the car straight into Lake Michigan. Seriously, these girls are capable of some severe damage to one's hearing (not to mention one's sanity). However, one of the benefits of driving them around is that I get to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 7, 2013 at 5:08pm — No Comments
** I have approximately 0% of my time to dedicate to writing anymore.
** When someone says, "You look tired", what they're really saying is, "You look like shit."…Continue
** I'm not sure why people are so surprised that a guy named "Weiner" likes to show off his junk.
** Goatdog drinks water like he's bobbing for apples.
** A good…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 26, 2013 at 5:11pm — No Comments
With summer camps ending, I have become the unofficial director of "Camp Mama", who's expected to have full-day schedules of wild and exciting adventures planned for each and every day. Thus, my time for writing even something as small as a to-do list has become pretty much non-existent. The following is what I…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 25, 2013 at 8:47pm — No Comments
** Mornings love me WAY more than I love them.
** This week's heat wave has made being a nudist seem a whole lot more appealing.
** I get more stupid with…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 19, 2013 at 6:45pm — No Comments
I've been having a hard time lately with this whole growing up thing that my kids insist on doing. It's like every time I turn around, they're gaining an inch on me, wanting to run around town with their friends, and begging for a cell phone. Seriously, what is the rush already??!! I, for one, am not entirely ready to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on July 18, 2013 at 5:15pm — No Comments