Until you become an adult, you never really understand that your parents really WERE looking out for your best interests when you were a kid. As much as you thought they were unfair and totally out to ruin your life, they really did kinda know what they were doing (most of the time anyway).…Continue
** Complete strangers REALLY like to tell me the whole story of their lives, regardless of how horrifically TMI it might be.
** The "Mind Blowing Science Kit" is clearly an outside toy.…Continue
I love to pass down to my daughter things that I used to have when I was a little girl. It's like I'm sharing a tiny piece of my history with her. For example, she has my old baby ring that she wears on a necklace, as well as some of my old baby clothes that she uses to dress up her stuffed animals. And recently, she hit the ultimate jackpot when my mom came across my old Raggedy Ann doll up in the attic. She was so excited to have…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 23, 2013 at 4:25pm — No Comments
** It takes me three WEEKS to recover from three NIGHTS of going out.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 18, 2013 at 10:52am — No Comments
We all know by now that stupid situations are drawn to me like white on rice. I honestly don't seek them out. They just somehow always find me. And this probably explains why my 2012 SUV accidentally found its way into an antique auto show over this past weekend. Only me, right??!…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 17, 2013 at 10:35am — No Comments
** I might very well be the most unorganized person on the earth.
** Bite-sized candies can kiss (but not stick to) my ass.
** The only person who hates homework more…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 11, 2013 at 11:55am — No Comments
** When people say, "Good morning!", I'm not quite sure how they assume that it's good.
** The government REALLY needs to get over its giant temper tantrum.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 4, 2013 at 9:55pm — No Comments
In my house, the poop and the fan need no introduction. They are quite familiar with each other, especially when my husband is out of town. Because that's precisely the time that things tend to go very wrong. And usually, it's right at bedtime -- you know, when I've had just about all the fun I can take for one…Continue
** It's too bad "Dexter" didn't have an alternative ending to make up for the super sucky one they showed us last Sunday night.
** I keep waving the white flag, but…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 27, 2013 at 3:31pm — No Comments
If you haven't heard of Rainbow Looms by now, well, then, you've probably been living under a rock. They are literally EVERYWHERE, and chances are, you may even be wearing one of the bracelets right now. My daughter and all her friends have been making them like it's their job, and my car could practically autopilot itself to Michael's to buy the replacement bands.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 25, 2013 at 12:02pm — No Comments
** I could open a wig shop with all the hair in the drain.
** The cooler weather's giving me that "Holy-Crap-My-Twins-Have-No-Pants-That-Fit-Them" feeling.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 20, 2013 at 10:22am — No Comments
With life constantly throwing reminders at me that my kids are, in fact, growing up (cell phones, sleepovers, bike riding to school -- EEK!), I often get swept up in the everyday craziness of just trying to keep up with it all. Half the time they don't want to talk to me, let alone listen to me, and,…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 19, 2013 at 11:05am — No Comments
** I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to myself. *itch* *scratch* *sniff*
** Erectile dysfunction commercials make me really…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 13, 2013 at 1:13pm — No Comments
One of the standing items on my "to-do" list for the past couple of years has been to get passports for my twins. (Cause ya just never know when you might need to skip the country, right?) I knew it was gonna be a huge hassle, which is the main reason I've put it off for so long. But, in true Nucking Futs…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 12, 2013 at 7:30pm — No Comments
** Apparently, hormones, cramps, and child birth weren't enough, so we have night sweats to add to all the fun.
** Goatdog likes Mammaw so much that he wants to eat her.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 6, 2013 at 6:03pm — No Comments
** The first week of back-to-school mornings are nuttier than squirrel poop.
** Nobody appreciates bedtime more than a parent.
** Mom guilt sucker punches me…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 30, 2013 at 5:47pm — No Comments
** School REALLY needs to start. Cause my patience has left the building.
** The smell of an amusement park is a compilation of B.O., grease, and ass.
** I'm not…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 24, 2013 at 11:44am — No Comments
** The reinforcements are apparently not showing up any time soon.
** If I had a dollar for every time I've answered the "Why do I HAVE to take a shower?"…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 16, 2013 at 4:09pm — No Comments
We all know that kids really don't have any kind of a filter when it comes to speaking their minds. The thoughts just tumble out of their mouths like the trash rolls out of my purse when it falls over. They don't mean to hurt your feelings -- they just call it like they see it. For example, when they say I have a…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 15, 2013 at 8:54pm — No Comments
** It's gotta be a scientific fact that kids are 10 times crazier in the summer.
** Kicking your own ass is harder than having someone else kick it for you.
** I'm not above napping in public.
** Someone needs to punch me the next time I decide that 4 weeks without summer camp is a good idea.
** Since we didn't win…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on August 9, 2013 at 10:21am — No Comments