** Jet lag is not really the vacation souvenir I had in mind.
** Even the eyes in the back of my head have bags underneath them.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 11, 2014 at 10:21am — No Comments
If your husband tries to talk you into flying the red-eye with your kids at the end of a family vacation, don't fall for it. He may try to reassure you that your kids will sleep on the plane, and all will be fine. But trust me, it will be anything but fine. And the only person who will be sleeping on the plane will be your…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 10, 2014 at 1:17pm — No Comments
Going to the grocery store is definitely not my idea of a good time. Sure it's nice when your kids are FINALLY old enough that you don't have to drag them with you every time you need to run out for a loaf of bread. A few minutes of alone time can do wonders for the sanity. However, a quick trip to the store can very…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 26, 2014 at 2:01pm — No Comments
** Winter is officially "over" -- and I'll believe it when I see it.
** The Tooth Fairy's gonna have to start leaving IOU's if my twins don't go to bed earlier at night.…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 21, 2014 at 10:14am — No Comments
Most of you know by now that our Goatdog is one crazy son of a bitch (literally -- cause, you know, he's a DOG). He's body-slammed himself through a glass door, eaten my kitchen chairs, and taken a giant dump right in the middle of a dinner party. And he absolutely loses his mind if a strange man is on our…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 20, 2014 at 10:17am — No Comments
** Parting your hair on the opposite side feels like wearing your shoes on the opposite feet.
** Siri evidently hates me.
** When your boy/girl twins share a bathroom, your…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 14, 2014 at 1:58pm — No Comments
It's no secret that parenting is hands-down one of THE hardest jobs on the planet. There are days when you love it and days when you want to turn in your notice and walk right out the door. The pay is…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 13, 2014 at 10:01am — No Comments
** I'm not good at getting lucky.
** Child labor is more expensive than it used to be.
** A little piece of me dies every time people "REPLY…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 7, 2014 at 4:36pm — No Comments
I honestly don't know where the time has gone, but apparently, I blinked, and my kids are old enough to have the "sex talk" in school. I know -- crazy, right??!!!! Yep, the wonder of the ol' reproductive system has currently been the hot topic of fifth grade…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 6, 2014 at 10:03am — No Comments
** The noise in my house is often so LOUD that I could walk out and nobody would even notice.
** It would be AWESOME to still get care packages every now and then like we did in college.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 28, 2014 at 1:30pm — No Comments
My kids have always LOVED commercials. Maybe it's because their dad works in advertising, or maybe it's because, unlike me, they never ever get tired of hearing the "Flipeez" theme song that seems to play on repeat between shows. Whatever the case, when an ad pops up on the screen, my twins are completely riveted. So when a totally inappropriate commercial was shown during a KID movie on…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 25, 2014 at 11:12am — No Comments
** I wish my brain shut off as easily when I try to go to sleep as it does when I try to help my kids with their homework.
** Exhaustion is just NOT a good look on me.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 21, 2014 at 9:59am — No Comments
As a parent, we're often so used to running on autopilot that we rarely ever even stop to think about why we're doing something. We just continue to do it mindlessly, day after day after day. Take, for instance, the gazillion and one loads of never-ending laundry and the gazillion and one loads of multiplying…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 19, 2014 at 10:29am — No Comments
** If I held my breath for a big Valentine's Day surprise, I'd surely end up dead.
** A pre-shower naked dance is evidently becoming a nightly ritual around here.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 14, 2014 at 10:16am — No Comments
Remember that show, "Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?" Well, it turns out, I'm apparently not. You see, I happen to live with two of them, and I'm reminded of that fact nearly every friggin' night when I try to help them with their homework -- I swear we never learned ANY of this stuff until high…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 12, 2014 at 2:38pm — No Comments
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 7, 2014 at 8:07pm — No Comments
** Whoever sent the Polar Vortex an invitation to return is in need of a good ass kicking.
** If I wanted to live in Antarctica, I would've moved to Antarctica.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 31, 2014 at 1:38pm — No Comments
I'd always thought that Mother Nature and I kind of had a connection -- you know with the whole "mother" thing and all. But I'm really starting to think that she's falsely assumed her title because no mama in her right mind would make it so damn cold outside that kids are off school and trapped indoors for days on…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 29, 2014 at 10:20am — No Comments
** If I looked like David Beckham, I'd be naked ALL the time.
** I'm a firm Belieber that Justin needs a big ol' time…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 24, 2014 at 10:21am — No Comments
Unfortunately, we hear on the news all the time about parents full-out losing their shit on the sidelines of their kids' sporting events. A bad call can somehow turn supposed "adults" into the biggest meatheads on the planet. It's both despicable and embarrassing. And I thought I'd seen some pretty horrific behavior…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 23, 2014 at 10:50am — No Comments