** Living next door to construction is like having an earthquake as your neighbor.
** I don't know who's more excited when there's no homework -- the kids or me.
** Danica Patrick "pole position" jokes are plentiful when my husband's around.
** I'm not sure whether to feel flattered or offended that everybody seems to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 22, 2013 at 10:21am — No Comments
Isn't it incredible how both dogs and kids have an innate ability to sense whenever something's wrong? You don't even have to tell them there's a problem, yet, somehow, they know that there is, in fact, a problem. I, for one, have been extremely appreciative of that innocent intuition as of…Continue
I apologize for being MIA on here lately, but unfortunately, my father had a bad stroke and was hospitalized. It's been pretty horrific to say the least, but rest assured, I HAVE been keeping a mental list of wacky things I've learned. And here they are:
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 15, 2013 at 10:36am — No Comments
** If it's not written down, it most definitely WILL be forgotten.
** Every day should be Pajama Day.
** Apparently no Super Bowl ads are gonna be new when the Super Bowl actually airs. WTF?!
** Contrary to popular opinion, stupid is not sexy.
** The ass crack of dawn is something I don't very much care to…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on February 1, 2013 at 3:04pm — No Comments
** Judging from Beyonce, Manti T'eo, and Lance Armstrong, fake things apparently happen in threes.
** The media sure knows how to beat a news story to death.
** My ass is eternally grateful for the genius who invented seat heaters.
** Women supposedly look their ugliest at 3:30 PM on Wednesdays.
** The people who…Continue
You know how you had that one toy in your bedroom as a kid that kinda creeped you out once your parents turned out the lights and tucked you in for the night? Mine was a clown who I swear glared at me from his perch high up on my bookcase. (Special thanks to Poltergeist for that little childhood fear.) But now that I'm an adult (allegedly anyway), my daughter has…Continue
** The lighting in fitting rooms is nothing short of cruel.
** My toes are sooooo ready for flip flops.
** A clean car is pretty awesome (even if only for five short minutes).
** I probably owe the car wash an apology note.
** The appetites of my children dramatically increase the moment school lets…Continue
** Projectile t.v. = yes! Projectile vomit = not so much.
** I'd pretty much give my left arm for a nap.…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 11, 2013 at 3:36pm — No Comments
** Much to my surprise, the New Year's Day puker turned out to be neither my husband nor me, but rather, my daughter.
** There's just never enough sleep to go around.
** An overnight getaway would be cheaper than taking three kids to the movies.
** My son's decided to Gangnam Style his way throughout the day, all day, every…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on January 4, 2013 at 5:17pm — No Comments
** Santa needs to be A LOT more organized next year.
** I may never see my son again now that Wii U is hooked up in the basement.
** Goatdog REALLY likes to open presents. Especially ones that don't belong to him.
** When it snows, everyone seems to have forgotten how to drive.
** Teepeeing the inside of your house…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 28, 2012 at 5:39pm — No Comments
** Those sneaky Mayans were totally effing with us all along. I knew it!!!!
** December is one giant money suck.
** Our Elf on the Shelf would be a lot more welcome here if he wrapped presents and actually did "elf" shit.
** Taking a shower lately is definitely a luxury.
** Living next to a house being torn…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 21, 2012 at 11:20am — No Comments
Like every other parent in America, I sent my kids off to school yesterday morning with a giant lump in my throat. The horrific events of Friday's mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School were at the forefront of my mind as I hugged each of my twins as tightly as I could. A small part of me even wished they were sick so they could stay safe at home with me. However,…Continue
** All I want for Christmas is a personal chef. And a bigger bank account to pay for the personal chef.
** Those inflatable lawn Santas look so sad and hungover during the daytime.
** A sick kid at home makes for an incredibly unproductive week.
** I've eaten so many damn holiday cookies that you should probably start calling me…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 15, 2012 at 4:00pm — No Comments
Ah, it's the holiday season -- that magical time of the year when you wanna sip hot cocoa by the fire and shove people outta the way for a deal on a flat-screened t.v. Cause let's be real, y'all. December tends to turn the very best of us into giant assholes.
Every year I tell myself I'm not gonna get swept up into all the hoopla of running here, there and…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2012 at 11:52am — No Comments
** 'Tis the season to be an asshole. Apparently.
** I am not the Energizer Bunny.
** The Elf on the Shelf might very well be my nemesis.
** Anything that's lost is very likely at the bottom of my son's backpack.
** I should really write a country song cause I've got the homework blues.
** Leaving your…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 8, 2012 at 2:04pm — No Comments
If I could take myself into a dark alley and kick my own ass, I totally would cause I seriously dropped the parenting ball the other night (once again). Yes, I completely failed my duty as the Tooth Fairy, y'all. Now I know that plenty of people have said that they, too, have forgotten a tooth here and there, but I swore that I would never…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 5, 2012 at 3:00pm — No Comments
** The SNL "Schweddy Balls" skit just never ever gets old.
** I'm still not a fan of LED Christmas lights.
** Candy Cane Chapstick is the bomb dot com. For real.
** The endless barrage of holiday catalogs being crammed into my mailbox has once again…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:11am — No Comments
As a kid, it's hard to see the big, wide world outside your own tiny bubble of existence. (Heck, it's not easy even as an adult sometimes!) That's why I've made it my mission to try to teach my kids to help out people in need. And one of my favorite holiday traditions for our family is to help fulfill the Christmas wish list of a child in need.
For the past…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:09am — No Comments
** The world would be a lot happier if everyone ate Thanksgiving dinner in their pajamas.
** Chuck E. Cheese is totally a rat, not a mouse -- am I right or am I right?
** That stupid Taylor Swift song is never ever ever gonna get out of my damn head.
** "Benign" is truly a magical word.
** A successful…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 23, 2012 at 1:11pm — No Comments
** My kids think Santa can make ANYTHING, which means that I am totally and completely SCREWED.
** "Customer" and "service" are two words that, sadly, don't belong together anymore.
** Static electricity is a very unfortunate side effect of Winter.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 16, 2012 at 4:55pm — No Comments