** A successful night is when the Tooth Fairy remembers to do her duty AND even has change for a twenty! Holla!
** Nine year olds evidently need to be reminded not to stick jelly beans up their noses.
** It's amazing how a closed bathroom door means nothing to my kids until they're the ones behind it.
** I like road trips…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 15, 2012 at 11:28am — No Comments
As I've said before, I'm convinced that motherhood kills your brain cells. It's certainly done a number on my memory cause I can't seem to get anybody's name straight in my household. I don't know how the hell that Duggar family does it when I can't even keep track of the four of us!
Back when I was a teacher, I was…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 13, 2012 at 10:55am — No Comments
** Just so we're clear, I will still drink the wine if a fruit fly lands in my glass.
** The end of the school year is when all the crap that's been shoved into a tiny desk for nine months suddenly makes its way into your kitchen (or your trash).
** My son thinks I grew up in the early 1900's. Awesome.
** When you don't have…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 8, 2012 at 10:58am — No Comments
If you have a kid in any kind of organized sport, then you've most likely witnessed some pretty awful sportsmanship at one time or another. It's bad enough when it's another kid displaying the rotten behavior, but when it's an adult? Well, that's just the lowest of the low. And this past weekend I had the misfortune of observing THE most jack asinine…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 6, 2012 at 5:23pm — No Comments
** If I had a dollar for every item on my to-do list, I could pay someone to do all the items on my to-do list.
** I'd like to punch my 40-year-old hormones in the face.
** Bringing a bag of Starburst into this house is like tossing a chicken into a lion's den.
** The penis enlargement emails I keep getting are totally helpful for…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on June 1, 2012 at 12:02pm — No Comments
If I'm the self-proclaimed Queen of Attracting Stupid Situations, then my husband is without a doubt the King of Attracting Stupid Situations. (Not sure what that says about us being attracted to each other, but anyway.....) I swear, between the two of us, we are an accident waiting to happen at any given moment. The latest case in point? This past weekend when…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 30, 2012 at 5:04pm — No Comments
** If a black cat runs in front of you, just pretend like it didn't.
** Kids ask why even when they don't give a rat's ass about the answer.
** You know times are tough when Dee Snider is doing…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 25, 2012 at 1:25pm — No Comments
My kids are getting to that dreaded age where every flippin' weekend they beg for a sleepover. As soon as school gets out on Friday, they start hittin' me up for a party in their pj's. And I don't know about you, but I am not a big fan of the sleepover, mainly because it ends up biting ME in the ass the next day.
Now my son is not really the issue, since he…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 23, 2012 at 3:39pm — No Comments
** The self-checkout lanes at the grocery store are no place for morons.
** Wednesday evening was evidently "Be An Asshole" night at my house. (I didn't get the memo.)
** It's impossible NOT to smile when you see a dog hanging out a car window, beard blowing in the breeze.
** My son claims to "love being…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 18, 2012 at 11:39am — No Comments
The mystery of how I can wanna squeeze and hug our beastly goof of a dog one minute and then release him to a pack of hungry grizzlies the next continues to baffle me. Yes, Goatdog is doing his damnedest to make sure that our love-hate relationship doesn't die out too quickly. Sometimes he's my big, furry buddy, and then other times, he's a prickly thorn in my side…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 17, 2012 at 3:19pm — No Comments
After celebrating Mother's Day this past weekend, I'm not afraid to toot my own horn and say that my kids are huge fans of their mama. In fact, my poor husband is often shoved to the side when it comes to which parent they prefer. And as hunky dory as this all may sound in theory, it isn't always sunshine and roses.
For example, I could be all the way…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 15, 2012 at 11:02am — No Comments
** I like electricity.
** Mondays are like a zit on your chin that won't go away.
** Politics are so freaking political.
** My kids could be drawing on their walls with Sharpies at bedtime, but as long as they stay in their rooms, I really wouldn't care.
** Nothing makes you prouder than your son yelling from the…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 11, 2012 at 11:50am — No Comments
If you follow me on Twitter, you've probably been subjected to my bitching about third grade math from time to time. Call me crazy, but I'm just not a big fan of assignments that make make me feel dumber than my nine-year-old children. Cause right now, my kids think I know everything, and this math crap is totally starting to blow my cover!!!
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 9, 2012 at 11:09am — No Comments
Well, here we are on Day 2 of my Mother's Day Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show! If you didn't shop your little heart out yesterday, remember that the party will continue through this Sunday, May 6. You still have a chance to get your holiday shopping done AND be entered into the "Mystery Hostess Drawing". You know you wanna be that lucky winner who gets up to $250 or more in free jewelry!
Perhaps you might also be interested in this kick-ass Campari…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 4, 2012 at 12:01pm — No Comments
** Bras and humidity go together about as well as politicians and honesty.
** 7:30 AM is way too early for drama.
** It wouldn't surprise me in the least if my kids' heads spun around while they spit green pea soup at me.
** Spring baseball in Chicago can suck it.
** My imaginary housekeeper seems to have gone…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 4, 2012 at 10:45am — No Comments
There have been countless times during my parenting experience where I think we should really make religion more of a focus in our family. Now, don't get me wrong -- I, by no means, am a Bible beater; nor is my husband. However, little inquiring minds wanna know just who this "God" dude actually is and why so many people are always talking about him.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 2, 2012 at 9:40pm — No Comments
Mother's Day is just around the corner, you know, and what better time to shop for yourself or for someone you love??!! And how cool would it be to do it in your skivvies (if you're so inclined, that is) in the comfort of your very own home?! Well, I'm here to offer that very same convenience to you all with a bonus chance to win some pretty cool free…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 30, 2012 at 8:20pm — No Comments
** Apparently, it's ALWAYS my fault.
** Bollywood dancing is actually pretty darn fun.
** Dogs apparently CAN eat a whole bunch of chocolate and not die.
** Turns out that I am not Super Woman.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 27, 2012 at 3:05pm — No Comments
** Half days of school are only awesome if you're a kid or a teacher. Or bat shit crazy.
** Birthdays are chock-full of calories.
** Sometimes it's better to pretend like you don't know your family.
** The front of my car is attracted to jackasses who don't drive the speed limit.
** Nothing says I love you quite…Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 20, 2012 at 2:20pm — No Comments
It's so hard to believe that it's been NINE whole years since my uterus was housing those two little beings pictured above. I welcomed them into this big wide world without having even the slightest clue how quickly time would fly. Since then, it's been a roller coaster ride of ABC's, training wheels, boo-boo's, and temper tantrums. They make me…Continue