Ah, it's the holiday season -- that magical time of the year when you wanna sip hot cocoa by the fire and shove people outta the way for a deal on a flat-screened t.v. Cause let's be real, y'all. December tends to turn the very best of us into giant assholes.
Every year I tell myself I'm not gonna get swept up into all the hoopla of running here, there and… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 13, 2012 at 11:52am —
** 'Tis the season to be an asshole. Apparently.
** I am not the Energizer Bunny.
** The Elf on the Shelf might very well be my nemesis.
** Anything that's lost is very likely at the bottom of my son's backpack.
** I should really write a country song cause I've got the homework blues.
** Leaving your… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 8, 2012 at 2:04pm —
If I could take myself into a dark alley and kick my own ass, I totally would cause I seriously dropped the parenting ball the other night (once again). Yes, I completely failed my duty as the Tooth Fairy, y'all. Now I know that plenty of people have said that they, too, have forgotten a tooth here and there, but I swore that I would never… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on December 5, 2012 at 3:00pm —
** The SNL "Schweddy Balls" skit just never ever gets old.
** I'm still not a fan of LED Christmas lights.
** Candy Cane Chapstick is the bomb dot com. For real.
** The endless barrage of holiday catalogs being crammed into my mailbox has once again… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:11am —
As a kid, it's hard to see the big, wide world outside your own tiny bubble of existence. (Heck, it's not easy even as an adult sometimes!) That's why I've made it my mission to try to teach my kids to help out people in need. And one of my favorite holiday traditions for our family is to help fulfill the Christmas wish list of a child in need.
For the past… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:09am —
** The world would be a lot happier if everyone ate Thanksgiving dinner in their pajamas.
** Chuck E. Cheese is totally a rat, not a mouse -- am I right or am I right?
** That stupid Taylor Swift song is never ever ever gonna get out of my damn head.
** "Benign" is truly a magical word.
** A successful… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 23, 2012 at 1:11pm —
** My kids think Santa can make ANYTHING, which means that I am totally and completely SCREWED.
** "Customer" and "service" are two words that, sadly, don't belong together anymore.
** Static electricity is a very unfortunate side effect of Winter.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 16, 2012 at 4:55pm —
You likely know by now that Goatdog is generally a giant thorn in my side and that I often contemplate turning him into the main course for our Thanksgiving dinner. That being said, though, he has somehow managed to worm his wicked way into our hearts with all of his quirky little… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2012 at 4:14pm —
As much as I loathe winter weather, there truly is something magical about the first snow of the season. Those white flakes falling gracefully from the sky always bring an unexpected peacefulness in my otherwise chaotic world. And being able to share that special moment with my kids makes it all that more memorable for me.
We got our first snowy dusting just this… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 14, 2012 at 5:00pm —
** The time change is making me think I'm late to everything. (O.k., so later than usual).
** My town has already put up its Christmas decorations. So we can now eat our Halloween candy under the mistletoe.
** After a thorough cleaning of my daughter's room, turns out there isn't a dead body in there after all.
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 9, 2012 at 12:29pm —
When it comes to smashed grapes, I tend to be more of a white wine lover. But every now and then, I do love to sip some red. However, this past weekend proved to me why I should probably save it for very special occasions (like when the floor is lined with plastic).
So it was a chilly Friday evening, and my hubby and I decided to open up a…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 5, 2012 at 11:02am —
** Hurricane Sandy gave a whole new meaning to the term “shit storm”.
** Governor Chris Christie was surely a bulldog in another life.
** You pretty much have to turn tricks to be able to afford all those Halloween treats.
** It’s hard to know whether to laugh or feel sorry for a dog trying to take a dump in a sheriff’s… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 5, 2012 at 10:57am —
** Inadvertently headbutting the door with your forehead is not the best way to open it.
** When a fart rips through your yoga class, you can't help but feel bad for the person who let it slip out.
** Glue guns and Google are two of the BEST inventions on the planet.
** My kids should have to pay labor costs for all the time I've… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 26, 2012 at 5:09pm —
Obviously there's a reason why Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby scored major benjamins off that "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" show cause, let's face it, kids blurt out some seriously funny shit, don't they?! I am always giggling at the crazy things my twins come up with, sometimes even when it's completely inappropriate for me to laugh. How can you NOT love… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 24, 2012 at 6:25pm —
** It's kind of disturbing to hear your nine year old sing about having someone blow his whistle. (Yeah, thanks, Flo Rida.)
** I'm beyond thankful I'm not married to a politician.
** Fun-size 3 Musketeers are downright dangerous.
** My ass is gonna beep when I back up if I don't amp up my workout routine again… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 19, 2012 at 7:28pm —
It's never ever easy to be a parent, but man, some days are just harder than others, aren't they? And when you're dealing with an overtired child, you're pretty much fighting an unbeatable battle, like a kitten trying to hold its own against a wolverine. Yep, this is exactly how my week began yesterday (as if Mondays weren't bad enough already!)
It had been… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 16, 2012 at 12:10pm —
** Arnold Schwarzenegger clearly has diarrhea of the mouth. And a penis for a brain.
** It's a tie between the dog, the kids and the husband as to who is the messiest.
** I'm starting to think I live in the Hundred Acre Woods with all the recent wildlife… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 5, 2012 at 9:52pm —
I don't know how it is in your household, but in mine, there's a WORLD of difference between when I get sick and when my husband gets sick. We're talking night and day contrast, people. You see, he turns into a 39 year-old baby when he's under the weather, whereas I must continue with life as normal, sniffles and aches, be damned!
It was just last week when my other… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 4, 2012 at 10:02am —
** Parking garages continue to both piss me off and freak me out.
** Men are by far THE biggest babies when they're sick.
** Taking a shower is really just a whole lotta work.
** My house looks like we had a major party here. Which would be awesome if we'd had a major party here.
** Auto-pilot is a… Continue
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 28, 2012 at 2:08pm —
For as long as I can possibly remember, I have absolutely LOVED Prince. Even way, way back in elementary school, my best friend and I would hole up in her room and blast songs that we knew were completely inappropriate for our innocent, young eardrums. I begged and I pleaded with my mom to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me see him in concert but was told…
Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 26, 2012 at 10:00pm —