Jennifer Marshall's Blog (292)

The True Meaning of Christmas

As a kid, it's hard to see the big, wide world outside your own tiny bubble of existence.  (Heck, it's not easy even as an adult sometimes!)  That's why I've made it my mission to try to teach my kids to help out people in need.  And one of my favorite holiday traditions for our family is to help fulfill the Christmas wish list of a child in need.

For the past…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 30, 2012 at 11:09am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** The world would be a lot happier if everyone ate Thanksgiving dinner in their pajamas.

** Chuck E. Cheese is totally a rat, not a mouse -- am I right or am I right?

** That stupid Taylor Swift song is never ever ever gonna get out of my damn head.

** "Benign" is truly a magical word.

** A successful…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 23, 2012 at 1:11pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** My kids think Santa can make ANYTHING, which means that I am totally and completely SCREWED.

** "Customer" and "service" are two words that, sadly, don't belong together anymore.

** Static electricity is a very unfortunate side effect of Winter.

**…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 16, 2012 at 4:55pm — No Comments

A Smile's Worth A Thousand Woofs

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You likely know by now that Goatdog is generally a giant thorn in my side and that I often contemplate turning him into the main course for our Thanksgiving dinner.  That being said, though, he has somehow managed to worm his wicked way into our hearts with all of his quirky little…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 15, 2012 at 4:14pm — 1 Comment

The Magic of the First Snowfall

As much as I loathe winter weather, there truly is something magical about the first snow of the season.  Those white flakes falling gracefully from the sky always bring an unexpected peacefulness in my otherwise chaotic world.  And being able to share that special moment with my kids makes it all that more memorable for me.

We got our first snowy dusting just this…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 14, 2012 at 5:00pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** The time change is making me think I'm late to everything.  (O.k., so later than usual).

 

** My town has already put up its Christmas decorations.  So we can now eat our Halloween candy under the mistletoe.

** After a thorough cleaning of my daughter's room, turns out there isn't a dead body in there after all.

**…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 9, 2012 at 12:29pm — 1 Comment

Just Keep Blotting, Just Keep Blotting

When it comes to smashed grapes, I tend to be more of a white wine lover.  But every now and then, I do love to sip some red.  However, this past weekend proved to me why I should probably save it for very special occasions (like when the floor is lined with plastic).

So it was a chilly Friday evening, and my hubby and I decided to open up a…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 5, 2012 at 11:02am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Hurricane Sandy gave a whole new meaning to the term “shit storm”.

** Governor Chris Christie was surely a bulldog in another life.

** You pretty much have to turn tricks to be able to afford all those Halloween treats.

** It’s hard to know whether to laugh or feel sorry for a dog trying to take a dump in a sheriff’s…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on November 5, 2012 at 10:57am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Inadvertently headbutting the door with your forehead is not the best way to open it.

** When a fart rips through your yoga class, you can't help but feel bad for the person who let it slip out.

** Glue guns and Google are two of the BEST inventions on the planet.

** My kids should have to pay labor costs for all the time I've…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 26, 2012 at 5:09pm — No Comments

'Kids Say the Darnedest Things' Giveaway

Obviously there's a reason why Art Linkletter and Bill Cosby scored major benjamins off that "Kids Say the Darnedest Things" show cause, let's face it, kids blurt out some seriously funny shit, don't they?!  I am always giggling at the crazy things my twins come up with, sometimes even when it's completely inappropriate for me to laugh.  How can you NOT love…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 24, 2012 at 6:25pm — 1 Comment

Things I've Learned This Week

** It's kind of disturbing to hear your nine year old sing about having someone blow his whistle.  (Yeah, thanks, Flo Rida.)

** I'm beyond thankful I'm not married to a politician.

** Fun-size 3 Musketeers are downright dangerous.

** My ass is gonna beep when I back up if I don't amp up my workout routine again…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 19, 2012 at 7:28pm — No Comments

The Apocalyptic Morning Meltdown

It's never ever easy to be a parent, but man, some days are just harder than others, aren't they?  And when you're dealing with an overtired child, you're pretty much fighting an unbeatable battle, like a kitten trying to hold its own against a wolverine.  Yep, this is exactly how my week began yesterday (as if Mondays weren't bad enough already!)

It had been…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 16, 2012 at 12:10pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Arnold Schwarzenegger clearly has diarrhea of the mouth.  And a penis for a brain.

** It's a tie between the dog, the kids and the husband as to who is the messiest.

** I'm starting to think I live in the Hundred Acre Woods with all the recent wildlife…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 5, 2012 at 9:52pm — No Comments

Sick Husband = Big Baby

I don't know how it is in your household, but in mine, there's a WORLD of difference between when I get sick and when my husband gets sick.  We're talking night and day contrast, people.  You see, he turns into a 39 year-old baby when he's under the weather, whereas I must continue with life as normal, sniffles and aches, be damned!

It was just last week when my other…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on October 4, 2012 at 10:02am — 2 Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Parking garages continue to both piss me off and freak me out.

** Men are by far THE biggest babies when they're sick.

** Taking a shower is really just a whole lotta work.

** My house looks like we had a major party here.  Which would be awesome if we'd had a major party here.

** Auto-pilot is a…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 28, 2012 at 2:08pm — No Comments

The Night I (Almost) Broke Up With Prince



For as long as I can possibly remember, I have absolutely LOVED Prince.  Even way, way back in elementary school, my best friend and I would hole up in her room and blast songs that we knew were completely inappropriate for our innocent, young eardrums.  I begged and I pleaded with my mom to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me see him in concert but was told…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 26, 2012 at 10:00pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** My allergies are acting crazier than Dina Lohan lately.

** Sand in my toes = good.  Sand in my teeth = not so good.

** Processing a thought in this…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 21, 2012 at 11:05am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** The clothes get a whole lot cleaner when you actually push the START button on the washing machine.

** If I had a dollar for every time my house is quiet, I still wouldn't have any money in my wallet.

** Sometimes being responsible is such a pain in my irresponsible ass.

** Adult-sized bodies do NOT fit in…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 14, 2012 at 3:00pm — No Comments

Thundershirt My Ass

Our dog has earned many a nickname in his three years with the family -- Goatdog, asshole, jackass, dick.  But the one name that kinda surprises me (especially given the fact that he body slammed himself through the friggin' front door) is WIMP.  Yes, for some reason, the big lug turns into one giant wussbag when it comes to thunderstorms.

Of…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 13, 2012 at 12:03pm — 3 Comments

Guess What!!!!!!

I've had to keep some exciting news under wraps for a while, but now I'm finally able to share it with y'all!  I'm going to be on a t.v. show!  That's nucking futs, right??!!

The show is going to be called "Mommy…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on September 10, 2012 at 11:36am — 2 Comments

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