Jennifer Marshall's Blog (262)

Goatdog and the Stolen Cheerios

The mystery of how I can wanna squeeze and hug our beastly goof of a dog one minute and then release him to a pack of hungry grizzlies the next continues to baffle me.  Yes, Goatdog is doing his damnedest to make sure that our love-hate relationship doesn't die out too quickly.  Sometimes he's my big, furry buddy, and then other times, he's a prickly thorn in my side…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 17, 2012 at 3:19pm — No Comments

Apparently Mama Knows Best

After celebrating Mother's Day this past weekend, I'm not afraid to toot my own horn and say that my kids are huge fans of their mama.  In fact, my poor husband is often shoved to the side when it comes to which parent they prefer.  And as hunky dory as this all may sound in theory, it isn't always sunshine and roses.

For example, I could be all the way…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 15, 2012 at 11:02am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** I like electricity.

** Mondays are like a zit on your chin that won't go away.

** Politics are so freaking political.

** My kids could be drawing on their walls with Sharpies at bedtime, but as long as they stay in their rooms, I really wouldn't care.

** Nothing makes you prouder than your son yelling from the…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 11, 2012 at 11:50am — No Comments

Third Grade Math Can Kiss My 3.14hole

If you follow me on Twitter, you've probably been subjected to my bitching about third grade math from time to time.  Call me crazy, but I'm just not a big fan of assignments that make make me feel dumber than my nine-year-old children.  Cause right now, my kids think I know everything, and this math crap is totally starting to blow my cover!!!

Take,…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 9, 2012 at 11:09am — No Comments

Day 2: Stella & Dot Mother's Day VIRTUAL Trunk Show

Well, here we are on Day 2 of my Mother's Day Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show!  If you didn't shop your little heart out yesterday, remember that the party will continue through this Sunday, May 6.  You still have a chance to get your holiday shopping done AND be entered into the "Mystery Hostess Drawing".  You know you wanna be that lucky winner who gets up to $250 or more in free jewelry!

Perhaps you might also be interested in this kick-ass Campari…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 4, 2012 at 12:01pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Bras and humidity go together about as well as politicians and honesty.

** 7:30 AM is way too early for drama.

** It wouldn't surprise me in the least if my kids' heads spun around while they spit green pea soup at me.

** Spring baseball in Chicago can suck it.

** My imaginary housekeeper seems to have gone…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 4, 2012 at 10:45am — No Comments

Time To Get Our Prayer On

There have been countless times during my parenting experience where I think we should really make religion more of a focus in our family.  Now, don't get me wrong -- I, by no means, am a Bible beater; nor is my husband.  However, little inquiring minds wanna know just who this "God" dude actually is and why so many people are always talking about him.

And…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on May 2, 2012 at 9:40pm — No Comments

Stella & Dot Virtual Trunk Show

Mother's Day is just around the corner, you know, and what better time to shop for yourself or for someone you love??!! And how cool would it be to do it in your skivvies (if you're so inclined, that is) in the comfort of your very own home?! Well, I'm here to offer that very same convenience to you all with a bonus chance to win some pretty cool free…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 30, 2012 at 8:20pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Apparently, it's ALWAYS my fault.

** Bollywood dancing is actually pretty darn fun.

** Dogs apparently CAN eat a whole bunch of chocolate and not die.

** Turns out that I am not Super Woman.

**…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 27, 2012 at 3:05pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** Half days of school are only awesome if you're a kid or a teacher.  Or bat shit crazy.

** Birthdays are chock-full of calories.

** Sometimes it's better to pretend like you don't know your family.

** The front of my car is attracted to jackasses who don't drive the speed limit.

** Nothing says I love you quite…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 20, 2012 at 2:20pm — No Comments

Cheers to NINE Years!!!

It's so hard to believe that it's been NINE whole years since my uterus was housing those two little beings pictured above.  I welcomed them into this big wide world without having even the slightest clue how quickly time would fly.  Since then, it's been a roller coaster ride of ABC's, training wheels, boo-boo's, and temper tantrums.  They make me…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 19, 2012 at 5:53pm — 1 Comment

Maybe 40 Won't Suck After All....

On Monday morning, I awoke to find even bigger bags under my eyes and four new grey hairs at the crown of my head.  I stared at my tired reflection in the mirror and thought, "Wow, is this REALLY what the next decade is gonna look like?"  Here I was all prepared to rock my forties like a champ, but the day sure wasn't getting off to a very good…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 18, 2012 at 10:58am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** It honestly wouldn't surprise me if I pulled a piece of Easter grass out of my ass at this point since that crap seems to be EVERYWHERE!!!!

** If you're a complete and total bitch, you should probably think twice about being a customer service rep.  Just sayin'.

** Motherhood is totally interfering with my "Fifty Shades of Grey"…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 13, 2012 at 11:36am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** Sometimes turds just don't want to be flushed.

** I really really heart selling jewelry.

** It's a terribly bad idea to enter a bakery when you're starving.

** Trying to brush my daughter's hair in the morning is like trying to lasso a…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 6, 2012 at 10:46pm — No Comments

A Tooth Fairy Called Wanda

As a parent, I'm trying REALLY hard to hold onto the whole believing in the Tooth Fairy thing for as long as is humanly possible.  So when a kid's tooth falls out in this house?  Well, I wanna be on top of that shit like white on rice.  Unfortunately, however, I'm not always totally prepared for the curve balls that motherhood sometimes throws my…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 4, 2012 at 10:58am — No Comments

Things I Learned on our Family Vacation

I normally do these "reflective" kind of posts on Fridays, but I was just too swept up in Paradise last week to sit down and really use my brain for anything productive.  But now that I've been sucker-punched by reality once again, I decided to look back on the finer things I discovered on our family vacation....

** Every day should end in a…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on April 2, 2012 at 11:06am — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

** It's really difficult to do pushups when the dog's trying to hump you.

** Mornings around here are nuttier than a jar of Jif.

** If my house could talk, I'm pretty sure it would say, "Oink!"

** Little boys' fingernails are dirtier than the floor of an Irish pub on St. Patrick's Day.

** Allergy shot are not a very…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 16, 2012 at 12:07pm — No Comments

iPhone Overload

My kids are driving me absolutely CUCKOO-KACHOO with all the friggin' apps they continue to want for the iPhone.  Every day it's something new.  My damn phone now has over 8,764 different games on it!  WTF?!  Ok, so maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but I seriously can't find any of the things that I need on it anymore cause it's so overcrowded with kid…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 15, 2012 at 10:32am — No Comments

Step Away from the Clippers, Dear....

You'd think past experience would've taught me not to trust my husband to cut my son's hair.  However, I must've had a momentary lapse in judgment over the weekend, for I allowed him to get the old clippers out once again.  Call me kooky, but I guess I figured it couldn't be THAT hard to screw up a buzz cut, could it?  (Ok, stop giggling,…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 13, 2012 at 2:59pm — No Comments

Things I've Learned This Week

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** The shoe cubby in the foyer is the most logical place to store your jock cup.  Apparently.

** I've answered more questions than Google over the past several days.

** Snooki has confirmed her pregnancy.  I killed a…

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Added by Jennifer Marshall on March 9, 2012 at 11:16am — No Comments

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